9:07 PM
So I’m Blogging and it’s a Tuesday night. I’m hiding out because I don’t particularly feel like being yelled at by one of my volunteers tonight. Things have changed where I work over the past eight months and he went from a position of power to a position where he has to report to me to get anything done. Because he’s a volunteer I’m limited to what I can let him do so he’s getting more and more frustrated with life in general and every little change is an endless debate or fight or whatever. I’m just frustrated with it myself because I get stuck playing they middle man and my hands are so tied.

It’s a long night anyway. Blasting the Beach Boys “Pet Sounds” on the Walkman right now. Couldn’t find the CD so I’m listening to my old tape. Probably going to break out some of the other old tapes to follow it up because I feel like just sort of vegging and not doing anything tonight. I have mystery shops all day tomorrow and I’m not going to get a whole heck of a lot done tomorrow, but I think my sanity and taking a break is more important than anything right now.

Been a rough couple of days. Right now I’m missing my best friend a lot. I know, I know, it’s one of those weird situations that you’ll never understand because I won’t explain it all. She’s my mysterious best friend and we’ve spent a lot of time together over the past two years. She’s the person I go to when I’m in trouble or need advice and right now I just want to yell out and tell her how much I miss her and how much I wish that our schedules weren’t so whacked out. She’s been my best friend for almost two years now (just days away), and it’s getting harder and harder to sit around and not have her around to vent at or talk to or share goofy files with. I’m trying to be strong but, you know, it’s just kind of silly. I know she knows how much I miss her and I know we still get time, but I feel so silly sitting out in IMs during our times when we used to hang out, half expecting her to show up and make things fun again.

Another big thing going on is that I’m troubled because someone I met briefly but know a lot about died and for the life of me, I can’t find something nice to say. Long story. He was a wrestling promoter who had trouble with nearly everyone I know in the wrestling industry. Either intentional or unintentional he hurt nearly everyone I know who were dumb enough to make deals with him over the years. As one friend put it “I saw the bald bastard on Saturday and now he’s dead.” He had a bad headache on Saturday, went to the hospital and it was a brain hemorrhage. There was nothing they could do, he was dead within hours. He had heart problems last year but he was doing really really good from what I’ve heard in recent times. This just came totally out of the blue and there was nothing anyone could do.

I’m not one of those people who when faced with the death of someone they know they suddenly canonize the person. I’m too much of a realist to do that. I don’t care if any of you do it, but for myself, I’m going to be true to what I feel and call a spade a spade, but I will try to find something, anything, nice about the person to say if presented with a family member or a friend. I’m not heartless.

So this guy is gone now. He left a wife and kids and a lot of people who aren’t happy that he’s dead but are happy that he won’t be around to hurt again and I’m sitting here trying to figure out something, anything, good about him to say here to finally put the issue to rest. It’s weird, all I can think of is that I went to one of his shows once and I had a nice time. Not a great time, but a nice time. It wasn’t the greatest show I ever went to, but it drew some money and the crowd seemed happy and I didn’t want my money back when it was over. I mean that’s something, isn’t it? One pretty good night out of a lifetime and for that I thank him.

I hope he finds peace.