Late Night

So I haven’t found my way to bed yet. I’m up, four strips down for the day along with some site maintenance. I was having problems with some CSS styles. I’m not exactly sure what I did wrong but they looked GREAT for links but lost my CSS formatting on all of these pages as soon as I converted them over. I ended up sticking a custom class in a file and linking it to every page then highlighting every link and applying the style on every page to fix it.

I didn’t bother with the strip pages. The only changes I’m doing to the strip pages are adding meta tags since I’m an idiot and never bugged with them before now. Seriously, I learned HTML in 1995. I taught myself by looking at existing pages and figuring out what goes where. It was all done in text pad then. We didn’t have fancy things like meta tags to work with so I’ve never gotten around to using them. So I’m sticking them in here and there and hey, our hits from search engines have gone up 200% or so since starting to put them in (yah 36 instead of 18 for the week! Whoo hoo! Big time now!), so I’m sticking them in on all the pages where I can.

The new design uses a font called FreshBot for all the banners. It is truetype and I’m not sure where I got it from. The menus were initially built in Macromedia Firework MX, then I modified them by adding more selections to them in Macromedia Dreamweaver MX. Yah, I’m a Macromedia junkie. I love it. I told a friend on mine that I needed a challenge a couple of weeks ago and I’m very pleased that I finally broke through the dull aching head trip that was coming up with a concept for the new look of the site.

I think it was a huge breakthrough for me. One of many lately. I’ve been going through a lot of changes that no one has noticed really. It has been one hell of a year and I just don’t care any more. I’ve had my heart stepped on and broken by too many people and it finally got to the point where I’m no longer holding my tongue or stopping myself because my actions need to be in secret because it might hurt someone else. In this life if you want something you have to go for it. You have to say what’s on your mind as well. Opportunities only come once and if you blow your chance at happiness then you’re screwed. They don’t come along again.

I’ve also grown a lot. I used to be the type of guy who would let someone from his past linger, months, years later. All guys do it because we’re inherently idiots and we don’t get the fact that at the time of most breakups most girls already have your replacement picked out. It’s just a matter of how to dump you and get with him. The movie “Better off Dead” illustrates this point and is SO true to the normal female dumping male behavior and the guy’s post dump clinging (though it’s horribly outlandish in other situations). We cling to the past because there’s nothing left for us (or so we feel), and you’ll see guys looking up the numbers of old girlfriends (or acquaintances) that we realize we were still “in love with” after all the years and have our hearts broken when we realize that she’s GONE ON WITH HER LIFE in the months and years since you’ve last spoken.

Of all things that was on last week’s WWE “Tough Enough” on MTV. A guy hadn’t talked to a girl he was “totally in love with” for four years. There was a weekend pass offer for two of the contestants to have anyone they chose to come stay at the house. The guy tried bribing one of the winners $2000 just for a chance to bring this girl out. Guess what? He called the girl up and ta-da, she moved on with her life and wasn’t interested in talking to him — let alone hopping a plane to be with him. He was, and is, a total idiot. But the again, like I’ve tried to explain, all guys are and all guys do this.

True love isn’t true. Destiny doesn’t play cards any more. People move on; they don’t wait around forever. Romeo & Juliet don’t exist. If that story happened in this day and age, Romeo would be in jail for stalking Juliet. I mean how psychotic is that story through today’s eyes? Their parents say no. Deal and move on. But I digress … in the end it all goes back to the lyric “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” It doesn’t matter if she’s totally wrong for you; it doesn’t matter if she’s your second cousin; if she’s yours and she loves you — then take her while she’s here because the chance won’t come along again. If she dumps you, don’t linger. Let it go. You’ll find more happiness in loneliness than you would spending all your time mooning over your desire to return to a bad situation. There will be more people in your life. They might not be her but if they come, take that chance and don’t let yourself be held back by the misbelief that you’ll be back together some day. It just doesn’t happen. She’s moved on and you’ll be happier when you move on as well.

With that, goodnight. I’m going to go to sleep. I sleep easier knowing that I’m an idiot and it can’t be helped. Now if you accept it, I’m sure you’ll sleep easier as well. 🙂