The Ring Report TV Update Vol. 1., No. 4 3/28/93

The Ring Report TV Update Vol. 1., No. 4  3/28/93
(a wrestling report for people who have lives)
WHAT YOU MISSED:  MICHAEL HAYES interviewed TERRY PENDLETON (forgive the spelling, I’m not a big baseball fan) . . . TOM ZENK and JOHNNY GUNN (AKA THE COLE TWINS with dark hair), defeated BOB COOK & RIP ROGERS . . . is it me, or is it normal to root against Zenk & Gunn? Every time I see them I just fade back into the days when THE ROAD WARRIORS beat up guys like that so we wouldn’t have to see them EVERY WEEK . . .  ERIK “GOING . . . GOING  . . . ” WATTS defeated ROB MORGAN . . . MAX PAYNE destroyed THE ITALIAN STALLION  . . . Afterwards Payne claimed to have a big surprise next week . . . Finally, in one of the better matches of the week that you could see EVERYWHERE else . . . JOHNNY B. BADD defeated STEVE “NO, NOT THAT STEVE REGAL” REGAL . .  .

WHAT YOU MISSED: ROSSIE didn’t want to talk about his future plans, and I apparently missed the part when he claimed to have “big plans” in the next two weeks . . . DUSTIN RHODES was his guest for the whole hour . . . DUSTIN couldn’t confirm that his father would be at the SLAMBOREE, the next WCW pay-per-view, which should feature old timers in action . . . Rossie said that in the title match between STING and VAN VADER a couple of weeks ago, HARLEY RACE interfered in order to help Vader regain the title . . . Ross confirmed that MEDUSA was currently managing in the IWCCW and probably won’t be on her way to the WWF in the near future . . . and for all those FOUR HORSEMEN fans out there, Ross claimed that there were no guarantees that the group would reform .  . .

WHAT YOU MISSED: the show opened with a 10 minute segment on the MICHAEL LANDON awards last week; it was tastefully done, for a WWF segment . . . ROB BARTLETT appeared as himself this week . . . DAMION DEMENTO and THE REPO MAN lost to THE BUSHWHACKERS when BUTCH MILLER pinned REPO . . . strangely enough, REPO didn’t have his new outfit on, and there was no mention of the $10,000 challenge . .  . TOTANKA destroyed RINO RIGGINS . . .  an announcement for the new WWF HALL OF FAME, followed by a segment featuring a tribute to ANDRE THE GIANT . . .MONEY INC. destroyed two prelims . . .GENE OCKERLAND threatened the world with his claim that there was “more material in a roll of dental floss than what I received in the mail” for his WMIX toga; YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!! . . . DOINK, with a new haircut, defeated KAMALA by count-out . . . afterwards the two played “peek-a-boo” while brawling UNDER the ring . . .

WHAT YOU MISSED: a replay of the RICK RUDE prelim match from last week’s WCW SATURDAY NIGHT . . . a replay of MAX PAYNE destroying a prelim . . . TEDDY LONG announced that the WCW TV TITLE tourney was down to four guys . . . wonder when it’ll be over (like we don’t know who won the belt) . . . he replayed JOHNNY B. BADD defeating STEVE REGAL from last week’s WCW MAIN EVENT . . . another replay of BARRY WINDHAM defeating MIKE WINNER, then of Windham walking out on TONY SCHIVANTE as soon as RIC FLAIR was mentioned . . . yet another replay of THE COLE TWINS defeating prelims and JESSIE VENTURA claiming that they had a fan club . . . finally, what’s this? A replay!  BIG SKY defeating VAN HAMMER (is “HEAVY METAL” his first name?), after hitting Hammer with some brass knuckles . . .

WWF MANIA 3/27/93
WHAT YOU MISSED: CURT HENNIG defeated PAPA SHANGO, in one of those “exclusive” matches . . . another showing of the WWF HALL OF FAME segment with ANDRE THE GIANT . . . a replay of the MONDAY NIGHT RAW MONEY INC. match . . . a WMIX update with nothing new to tell. . . a replay of a very old OWEN HART match in which GIANT GONZLAS came out to challenge THE UNDERTAKER . . . and the Undertaker responding to the Giant in a taped interview . . . a segment for the WMIX phone line . . . a replay from RAW of TOTANKA defeating RINO RIGGINS . . . a video on TODD PETTINGIL’s charity work . . . DOINK defeating LARRY SAMPSON from last week’s SUPERSTARS OF WRESTLING . . . and a premiere of the BRETT HART music video featuring ARETHA FRANKLIN’s “RESPECT” . . .

WHAT YOU MISSED: The show opened with VAN HAMMER on his motorcycle, apparently on his way to the taping . . . TOO COLD SCORPIO & MARCUS ALEXANDER BAGWELL destroyed RIP ROGERS & BRIAN LEE . . . good match, the crowd loves Scorpio, while the two did a “ROCKERS” type flip over the top rope on the way out . . . RON SIMMONS returned from his shoulder injury and pretty much killed SAM “THE  HUMAN MOP” CODY . . . STEVE REGAL defeated MIKE MOON . . .  a segment featuring MICHAEL HAYES & DAVEY BOY SMITH  in England . . . MAX PAYNE’s surprise came and went with a video of him playing “NORMA JEAN,” his guitar . . . RIC FLAIR & ARN ANDERSON did the generic interview . . . THE HOLLYWOOD BLONDES defeated TOMMY ANGEL & MIKE WINNER . . . VAN HAMMER defeated TJ MAVERICK with the “HAMMER ROCKS” suplex . . .RICK RUDE pinned MITCH BELL . . .  something has come over Rude!  He no longer grabs the house microphone to insult the fans . . . from MANCHESTER, ENGLAND: DAVEY BOY SMITH pinned VINNIE VEGAS . . . DUSTIN RHODES did an interview; he said that PAUL ORNDORFF & RICK RUDE will get shots at the U.S. title . . .  Rhodes did some commentating while Orndorff trashed ROBBIE VEE . . .Dustin had fun in leading the crowd’s chants of “Paula!” . . .

WHAT YOU MISSED: Like most WWF shows this week, it opened with the announcement of the WWF HALL OF FAME . . . CRUSH squashed LEE ARMSTRONG . . . the “WRESTLEMANIA” rock video premiered . . . JIM DUGAN did a segment in which he claims that he’s coming back to the WWF and needed to pick out a new 2X4 . . . THE HEAD SHRINKERS squashed two prelims . . . from WRESTLING CHALLENGE: YOKOZUNA squashed BRET HART at the WMIX title match signing . . . the two signed the contracts and every thing seemed okay until Yokozuna shoved the end of the table into Hart’s leg . . .when Hart went down (coincidentally, by the corner of the ring), Yokozuna came over and did the Yokozuna squash . . .  they played the tribute video to ANDRE THE GIANT . . . WM IX report, again, nothing new . . . THE NASTY BOYS crushed DUANE GILL & BARRY HARDY . . . Luger flirted with the  women in the crowd before he destroyed a nameless prelim . . . Finally , a replay of Hart getting squashed by Yokozuna . . .

WHAT YOU MISSED:  The show started out with a replay of the WMIX title match signing incident . . .  a replay of the CRUSH match from SUPERSTARS . . .  a replay of THE HEAD SHRINKERS match from SUPERSTARS . . . GENE OCKERLAND & BOBBY HEENAN were running around the WWF HQ, looking for WWF President JACK TUNNEY . . . along the way they ran into JJ DILLION, of all people, and eventually used the phone in DILLION’s office after he told Heenan to get lost! . . . a replay of the MONEY INC. & MEGAMANIACS interviews from the WMIX reports . . . a replay of the MONDAY NIGHT RAW DAMION DEMENTO & REPO MAN vs. THE BUSHWHACKERS match . . .another replay of the ANDRE tribute . . . a replay of the LEX LUGER SUPERSTARS match . . . yet another replay of that HH GUY’s  WMIX promo . . . and a surprise!  Instead of finishing with a replay they came back from commercial with HEENAN & OCKERLAND still looking for Tunney . . . Gene said that he had found Tunney and that Heenan could go get the scoop . . .  he led Heenan to a room labeled “EXECUTIVE OFFICES” . . . Heenan was excited and went through the door only to be greeted by a woman’s scream . . . as Gene took the “Executive Offices”  sign off the door to reveal the ladies room! . . .

Rumors are coming in from all over the place that the WCW wants TULLY BLANCHARD to return to wrestling & reform THE FOUR HORSEMEN . . . UPSET OF THE MONTH: in the BOSTON GARDENS last week JIM POWERS defeated THE REPO MAN . . . DANNY DAVIS is the new USWA MIDDLE WEIGHT CHAMPION; oddly enough, the Middleweight title is the first UNISEXUAL belt!  In the tournament to fill it men wrestled women . . . MIKE SAMPLES is now managing THE RUSSIAN  BRUTE . . . reports are coming in that the sport lost yet another of it’s finest: WALLY KARBO, a long time promoter and figure in the game died last week.  He’s probably best known for a feud with JIM CORANETTE in the LPWA a couple of years ago . . . SPEAKING of CORANETTE, prepare yourself for a feud with in THE HEAVENLY BODIES . . . after ARN ANDERSON & the ROCK ‘N’ ROLL EXPRESS defeated the Bodies in a 6-man match, BOBBY EATON & TOM PRITCHARD got in to a shoving match . . .  SCOTTY FLAMINGO is said to have entered the USWA . . . Just when you had enough of DOINK, we now apparently have his cousin DINK!  Rumors have a guy named TODD HECHT playing Doink’s cousin in the USWA . . . MR. HUGHES, THE NIGHTSTALKER, & THE BOXING TURTLES had tryouts for the WWF in AGUSTA, GA on 3/7 . . . on the same card they had dry-runs of the WMIX MATCHES:  CRUSH defeated DOINK by DQ . . . THE UNDERTAKER defeated GIANT GONZLAS by count-out . . . & BRET HART had YOKOZUNA in the sharpshooter when MR. FUJI threw salt in his face . . . in SMOKY MOUNTAIN news, KEVIN SULLIVAN apparently recruited THE TASMANIAC to replace THE NIGHTSTALKER in his stable . . .

I’m late!  I’m late!  I’m late for an important deadline! Well, this afternoon I fell asleep while studying my ENVIRONMENTAL GEOLOGY book (the class from h*ll), and woke up to find that I’d missed my deadline!  Not much more to say here except that I screwed up and that the RING REPORT will be back on normal schedule (with the funny comments before the “WHAT YOU MISSED SEGMENTS”), next week!