The Ring Report TV Update 4/21/96 Vol. 1, No. 165

****************************************************************
The Ring Report TV Update 4/21/96 Vol. 1, No. 165
(“‘S’ is for ‘Sold Out?’ Say it isn’t so . . .!”)
****************************************************************
WWF House Show report 4/13/96 by Sjoerd Zegers
E-Mail: u209319@vm.uci.kun.nl
Last Saturday it was time for the annual trip to the WWF. The Dutch fan club goes to wrestling once in a year, and this year promised to be good with the ‘Champions Tour’ in Germany. We went to Dusseldorf on the 13th of April, and this is what happened:

First the ring announcer enters the ring. He is the host of the WWF shows in Germany, and you might remember him as the guy who has a perfect face for radio (Jerry Lawler at Wrestlemania XI, during Hart-Backlund said this as they were shown on the PPV telecast). He’s the left guy of the two, and his name is Carsten Schaeffer (spelling might be wrong). Anyway, he gets a good pop from the audience.

First match: Leif Cassidy & 123-kid vs. Bushwackers
Most people in the crowd are marks, so they cheer the Bushwackers. We start a ‘Snowman’ chant. Cassidy (Al Snow) did hear us, and he looked our way. :)The match was one of those ‘funny’ matches we all know from the Bushwackers, so it wasn’t that good. Bushwackers win. 🙁

Second match: Justin ‘Hawk’ Bradshaw vs. Duke ‘the Jobber’ Droese
Hawk comes to the ring with a nazi-walk. He even gives the Hitler-greeting. Needless to say that the Germans didn’t like that. The match was what you can expect from this one. Hawk wins. During the match we start a Dutch Mantel chant. Zebekiah looked strange at us, like ‘what the h3ll’ 🙂

Third match: Jake Roberts vs. Isaac Yankem DDS
Jake looks old in every match he does. Same in this match-up. It was good to see Jake in real life, though. Jake wins with the DDT.

Fourth match: Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega
At one point in this match someone sitting in front of us gives Austin the finger. He starts shaking his head ‘no’. We say ‘yes’ and he shakes even faster. I like it when a wrestler interacts with the public. 🙂 Match was normal, with no real highspots. Austin wins.

Fifth match: GoldDust vs. Razor Ramon for IC-title
GoldDust comes out and starts with making a move towards Carsten Sheaffer. D@mn funny. Then Razor comes on with a huge pop. Boards with the text ‘Razor, don’t go’ are seen. The crowd starts a Razor chant. GoldDust goes to Carsten and makes his say that ‘if the people don’t shut up, he’ll come and kiss everyone in the building’. We jump up and motion for GoldDust to come our way and kiss us :). The match was going great until a point when Razor is lying on the ground and GoldDust is kicking him. In some way GoldDust twists his ankle and is barely able to walk. He pins Razor quickly with his feet on the ropes and leaves without taking the IC-title with him, no big show, he just disappeared. We now think that he is really hurt and that he’ll be out of action for some time. Let’s hope he’s OK for in your house. If someone has more info on this situation, please post it here.

Sixth match: Body Donnas (with Sunny :)) vs. Godwinns for tag-title Pretty good match with some nice spots. Sunny was great, we think she really has talent. 😉 Donnas win.

Seventh match: Owen Hart vs. Ahmed Johnson
Funny match. At one point Owen wants a test of strength. Ahmed puts his hand up in the position, but Owen can’t reach it. He says ‘put is lower!’ Owen couldn’t match Ahmed strength. At one point Ahmed has Owen ready for the Tigerbomb, when the Bulldog storms the ring and helps Owen. Ahmed wins by DQ, but the Bulldog and Owen are really putting Ahmed through the mat.

Eighth match: Bulldog vs. Bret Hart
Best match of the evening. It was as good as the IYH 5 match, but without the blood. We saw all the patented moves, like the vertical suplex etc. Great match. Bret wins after a small package (or victory roll I’m not sure).

9th match: Undertaker vs. Diesel
We start a WCW-sellout chant. Diesel doesn’t like it. After that we start a Vegas chant :). Typical match. Undertaker wins after a Tombstone.

10th match: Shawn Michaels vs. HHH for WWF title
Good match. A lot of spitting by Shawn Michaels. He was the human spitting machine today. Shawn wins and starts his celebration routine. We chant ‘Hogan is dead, long live Shawn Michaels’. We think he’s really the new Hulk Hogan. He laughs at our remark, guess he thinks we don’t mean it or something :).

That’s all we got. If you have comments or other things today, I’m interested to read them!

CWUSA 4-13-96 TV SHOW SUMMARY by MARK CARLTON
E-mail: carlton@teleport.com
Announcer: Dutch Savage(17 time PNW Champion)

Bodyguard vs. Dane Rush:
BG is on the offensive most of the way. He tries a splash when Rush is laid out in the corner but Rush moves and takes the advantage before BG recovers, scoring with a couple of punches. Rush then tries a sunset flip but BG punches right in the crotch with an uppercut. Rush dies on the mat and the ref. DQ’s BG.

– Seems like a heel vs. heel feud coming up.

Interview with Bodyguard:
BG: Doesn’t matter how you win but, getting the job done and I got the job done!

Bruiser Brian vs. Richie Magnet:
Bruiser is in command most of the way, tossing fatso Magnet around the ring like a sack of potatoes. Bruiser ends the match by hitting Magnet with a shoulder tackle followed by a roll-up for the pin.

Interview with Bruiser Brian:
Bruiser: The Basher is coming back next week and we’re gonna thump Rush and Andrews.

Col. DeBeers & Buddy Wayne vs. Bart Sawyer & Billy Two-Eagles
Two-Eagles lands a nice dive off the tope turnbuckle on Wayne outside the ring. Wayne recovers and DeBeers & Wayne destroy Two-Eagles for about 5 minutes. Billy finally makes the hot tag. Sawyer lands a killer drop-kick on DeBeers and has him pinned but referee Dale Wier is watching Wayne & Two-Eagles brawl outside the ring. Sawyer then misses a splash off the top turnbuckle. DeBeers pulls out some brass knucks and drops Sawyer like a bad habit. Sumito enters the ring and grabs the brass knucks. Ref. Dale Wier turns around and sees Sumito with the brass knucks and DQ’s Sawyer & Two-Eagles.

Interview with Sumito, Two Eagles and Sawyer:
Sumito is sorry about costing them the match. Sawyer then runs down DeBeers and Wayne and tells Sumito not to worry about it. The three wrestlers then walk off arm in arm.

Jimmy Snuka vs. Lou Andrews:
Snuka yells at the ring announcer “Do you know where that punk named Jesse Barr is?” as the announcer starts to introduce the wrasslers. Dutch tells about all of the belts that Jimmy has held over the years including being a 2 time WWF Heavyweight Champion. I wonder when that was? Maybe he is referring to the Intercontinental Belt but I don’t even think that Snuka held that. Not much action in the match but the mutants are yelling like crazy the whole way. After lots of posturing and trading barbs with the mutants, Snuka applies a full nelson on Andrews who looks had. Dane Rush enters the ring with a chair and the ref. DQ’s Andrews. What is this crap? This is the third DQ on the show.

Interview with Jimmy Snuka:
Snuka: Jesse Barr is a punk! Nothing but a little punk. Right now, they need to get something strait. There is too much hate. So get on the phone and call someone. Take a good look at this man. (as Snuka stares into the camera). You’re nothing but a rat, punk, and coward. Think about it before you go asleep, if you can! ROOFFF! ROOFFF!

– Snuka’s interviews really don’t make much sense to me. The last too times he has referred to calling someone. Sometimes he’s insulting the fans, other times he’s yelling at the heels. It’s hard to tell who he’s talking to or about. On the other hand, he makes a great psycho.

Interview with Andrews and Rush:
Andrews: Tonight, I easily, EASILY handled Snuka.
Dutch:  Well, I was watching . . .
Andrews cuts him off: That’s enough. My neck hurts(not because of Snuka’s full nelson) from playing Frisbee earlier today. A DQ is as good as a win. Snuka coaxed Dane into the ring.
Rush:  I see Snuka trying to injure my partner and I won’t let it happen. Snuka, you’re the punk! Now Bodyguard, you’d better be watching your back. And Bruiser, make sure that Basher shows up and the both of you come to the ring next week.

Next Week: Bruiser & Basher vs. Rush & Andrews.

Comment: It appears that CWUSA is having a real problem with the boys not showing up. Last week, Basher & Rocky Dellasandra no-showed. This is the second time for Basher. I wonder if he will there next week. On the other hand, hopefully, Dellasandra won’t show up. He is wrestling challenged, so to speak.

WCW NITRO 4/15/96 by MADDOGJMF
E-mail: MADDOGJMF@aol.com

WHAT YOU MISSED: Hey cool, my tape started late to find THAT HH GUY using chairs on THE TASKMASTER & ARN ANDERSON. Not that *THAT* was cool — but the less of the match I saw, the cooler it was. HH won and got 5 minutes in the ring with JIMMY HART. HH matches are just reminders that it’s not 1985 anymore and he’s more passe then VINCE MCMAHON’S suits. To get people to tune into this mess the WCW had to feature THE BOOTIE BABE, ELIZABETH *AND* WOMAN at ringside. Wonder if they can get them to star in a “SUNNI” video (“WOMAN — thank you for the orgasm sounds at ringside . . .” “LIZZIE — thank you for throwing $1 bills to the crowd . . .” “BOOTIE — thank you for those pictures in that men’s magazine . . .”). THE GIANT came out and chokeslammed HH, which HH no-sold, and well, no one gave a d@mn . . . save PEPE! Support PETA . . . NASTY BOYS OVER PUBLIC ENEMY in a falls count anywhere match after JOHNNY GRUNGE tried a top rope moved onto BRIAN KNOBS on a table and missed, only to be pinned. After the match they put JERRY SAGS on a table, GRUNGE stood on the ring apron near him and ROCCO ROCK did a somersault over the ropes onto GRUNGE and GRUNGE went onto Sags and through the table . . . RANDY SAVAGE over BOBBY EATON. Well, it was, until SAVAGE shoved the ref. after the match and got DQ’D. A zillion guys came out of the dressing room to get Savage under control and they actually put handcuffs on Savage in the ring . . . RIC FLAIR & THE GIANT vs. LEX LUGER & STING. SAVE PEPE! It ended with a four way brawl in the ring. Sting had Flair in the Scorpion Deathlock as WOMAN came after Luger with a hot cup of coffee. Luger ducked at Woman threw the drink at him and it hit Sting in front of the ref. to earn a DQ . . . the show ended with ERIC BISCHOFF caring out a dream and handcuffing BOBBY HEENAN . . .

WWF RAW 4/15/96 by MADDOGJMF
E-mail: MADDOGJMF@aol.com

WHAT YOU MISSED: MARC MERO over LIEF CASSIDY . . . “STONE COLD” CHAD, err, STEVE AUSTIN over BART GUN . . . oh boy a recap of SHAWN MICHAELS vs. DIESEL . . . VADER was in the ring and learned that he has to face RAZOR RAMON in the ring at IN YOUR OUTHOUSE . . . ::YAWN:: . . . millions of guys showed off their proficiency with hand puppets as the SUNNI video airs again . . . SAVIO VEGA (and you KNOW someone in the WWF front office must have a version of that Sunni video starring SAVIO), vs. GOLDDUST. Match ends with Savio hitting GoldDust with the IC title belt and the ref., who had been knocked down earlier, counting the three count. A second ref. came in and declared that GoldDust won. GORILLA MONSOON came out and said that the title was held up and the two would have a rematch next week. Oh boy . . . a look at BRETT HART dissing WCW and talking about his loss to SHAWN “MEANIE DOES IT BETTER” MICHAELS . . .

WCW PRO REPORT 4/20/96 by Doug Corti
E-Mail: jadcorti@artsu1.watstar.uwaterloo.ca

WHAT YOU MISSED: The AMERICAN MALES beat THE FACES OF FEAR by DQ after MENG threw BAGWELL over the top rope . . . the Faces clubbered on of the Males during this match, getting DUSTY all excited . . . Slamboree Control with MEAN GENE . . . . “Hardwork” BOBBY WALKER over PAT TANAKA with a high-cross body in a decent match . . . Nitro Highlights . . . ONE MAN GANG, HUGH MORRUS and TASKMASTER over JOHNNY BOONE, EDDIE JACKE and some other jobber, Gang pinning Boone with the 747 . . . .Call Mean Gene’s hotline to find out about the Flair/Savage/Liz triangle . . . .BELFAST BRUISER pinned SQUIRE DAVID TAYLOR w/JEEVES, using a tombstone piledriver (Cruise called it the tombstone) . . . During the match, Dusty said the Flair/Duggan match on WCWSN would be a sleeper, I fall asleep just thinking of Duggan matches . . . Lethal Lottery with Mean Gene . . . LEX LUGER w/JIMMY HART put KURASAWA in the Rebel Rack after hitting him with the megaphone . . .

ECW HOSTILE CITY SHOWDOWN ’96 – April 20, 1996 by BRETT “CACTUSB@AOL.COM” “ECWFEEDBK@AOL.COM” (single LADIES write me) SCHWAN

The evening starts with JOEY STYLES entering the ring for an interview with DA GANGSTAS. NEW JACK tells the crowd how he was laid out during the last card and that was something that never happened to him before. THE ELIMINATORS charge the ring and begin to brawl until the locker room clears out and everyone is broken up. It looks like we’re in for an interesting evening.

EL PUERTO RICANO vs. SUPER NOVA
I know this could be a very good match. Both men are hard workers and can put on a good show. However, I had the feeling it wouldn’t last long. Both men exchanged some moves in this fast paced match. The crowd actually began to get into the match. Then, of course, the Eliminators run in and give total elimination to both men. Da Gangstas run back out and the brawl continue. JT SMITH gets on the mic and asks “Can’t we just all get along?”

BILLY BLACK w/ DAMION KANE and LADY ALEXANDRA vs. MIKEY WHIPWRECK
I don’t know why Lady Alexandra even bothered putting shorts on since they covered nothing. This was an OK match with Mikey winning in 9:05 with a frankensteiner off the top rope.

BUH BUH RAY DUDLEY/??? vs. PITBULLS w/ FRANCINE
Buh Buh does his usual stutter thing, this time with a twist. He grabs the mic and says, “Buh Buh Buh Blowjob”. Buh Buh is accompanied to the ring by SIGN GUY, CHUBBY, and DW (in a wheelchair). Out runs D VON DUDLEY with a chair. As the 4 men battle in and out of the ring, Francine was being “stalked” by the Dudleys at ringside. At one point, DW was clotheslined out of his wheelchair by one of the Pitbulls. Francine took this opportunity to show the world why she’s hardcore. She stomped DW and Chubby in the head with her high heel shoe and beat them senseless with a chair. Since this great action was taking place directly in front of me, I seemed to have forgotten that a match was taking place elsewhere in the building. Before I knew it, the Pitbulls were super-bombing the referee. D Von grabs the mic and gives his “Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and most importantly . . . Thou shalt not F**K with a Dudley” speech. (Note to Paul E: Thank you for letting Francine give a beating instead of taking one.)

TAZ w/BILL ALPHONSO vs. DEVON STORM
Devon started off fast and hit Taz with a moonsault off the top rope, with a chair. Taz takes control and tazplexes Storm over the top rope and out through a table. Winner by countout: Taz. Taz grabs the mic to continue his verbal assault on Sabu.

Brief intermission (yeah right)

LITTLE GUIDO w/JT SMITH vs. AXL ROTTEN
JT grabs the mic and introduces himself and Guido as the “FBI – Full Blooded Italians”. Axl took control and chucked Guido over the top rope onto the corner of the ringside table. Axl then nailed Guido with a cream pie, which covered our entire section of the front row. As JT made his way to our side of the ring, my sidekick Ron said “You Suck”. JT responded by saying, “No your mother did and it was good”. Axl won the match with a powerbomb gourdbuster type of maneuver.

SANDMAN/TOO COLD SCORPIO w/MISSY HYATT vs. BRUISE BROTHERS
This was a huge brawl. At one point, Sandman was being held down by one Bruise while being belt whipped by the other. Sandman, in an attempt to recover, pours beer on Missy’s chest and licks it off. They brawl to our side of the ring then around the arena before Too Cold and a Bruise get back to the ring. Too Cold hits with an asai moonsault for the pin. After the match the crowd chants “Smoking Gunns” and one of the Bruise Brothers wails a chair into the crowd. He gets on the mic and challenges 2 Dudley fans at ringside (the ones he just hit with the chair) to get in the ring. (Note to Paul E: Fire them effective now!)

TOMMY DREAMER vs. PRIME TIME BRIAN LEE
Lee stood at ringside with a chair, awaiting Dreamer’s entrance. He attacked but missed. Again, the match falls out into the crowd and around the whole building before getting back in the ring where the ref. gets taken out by a Lee clothesline. The Bruises run out and as one man holds two chairs to Dreamer’s head, the other two do running boots. Now a cinder block is placed on Dreamer’s groin and it gets smashed with a chair. Lee wins with a pinfall.

ROB VAN DAM vs. SABU
Van Dam is wearing a cast due to an injury. This was an outstanding match. Sabu seemed to hurt his back early but that didn’t stop him from doing his sick moves. The table gets set up on the ring apron and guard rail and eventually, Sabu gets pushed through it. Van Dam goes for a splash but eats the floor instead. Sabu does his running off the rope-jump onto a chair, then the top rope, moonsault-over the chair-onto Van Dam. Both men were exhausted. Our neighbor John has the quote of the night when he says, “This is a little too sanctimonious.” Two counts everywhere. Finally, Sabu gets a three count and reaches out to shake hands. Van Dam just walks away.

RAVEN w/BLUE MEANIE and STEVIE RICHARDS vs. THE FRANCHISE w/ KIMONO WANALAYA
Shane grabs the mic and says to Raven, “The whole time that Beulah was cheating on you with Tommy Dreamer, it seems that Beulah was also cheating on Tommy Dreamer. So not only did Beulah jack you, she was also jacking Dreamer. Tommy Dreamer was as big a sucker as you were Raven. She was night after night, playing with your head, no pun intended, and Dreamer’s head.”

At this point, Dreamer enters the ring and wants to know what is going on. Shane tells him the reason he never saw the pregnancy test results is because she was never pregnant. Dreamer wants to know who she was fooling around with. Kimono walks up to the mic and yells, “It was me!!”
Beulah walks down the aisle, pulls her shirt off, gets in the ring and starts rolling around, making out with Kimono. Tommy grabs both women by the hair and they engage in ECW’S first ever THREE WAY KISS!

Raven is devastated. The match begins. They rumble out of the ring and out the front door. When they return, Raven is bleeding. A Bruise gets in the ring, so does Dreamer. Shade hits Raven with the belly to belly suplex but the ref. was trying to get Tommy out of the ring and didn’t see it in time. Shane and Tommy hugged and Shane hit him with the belly to belly. They brawl out of the ring and the locker room once again empties to break them up. Shane applies the figure four. Meanie goes for a moonsault and misses. Shane gets superkicked by Richards but still only a 2 count. Shane takes off Raven’s boot and applies the figure four. A Bruise comes out from under the ring. Shane hits him with a belly to belly. Raven loads the boot, nails Shane, and gets the three count.

Joey Styles enters the ring and Shane starts whining about how this was supposed to be his night. Too Cold comes out and tells Douglas that he can come after his title if he wants. Shane says the TV title means nothing to him. Too Cold turns to leave and Shane hits him with a belly to belly. Sandman runs in but Shane grabs the cane and canes both men before leaving. Sandman and Too Cold remain ling in the ring as the crowd starts to leave. Finally, they too, get out of the ring and return to the locker room.

This was one of the best cards I’ve seen at the Arena in quite a while. Let’s hope they keep this up for a while.

USWA 4/21/96 by MRS., KATHRYN D. LIZENBY
E-Mail: NeutronSTAR@prodigy.com

The 1000th Episode – the Complete Report!! Even though my son and I went to Memphis last week for the live show, there were a lot of things that I missed. Today’s show is much more complete, so even if you read last weeks report, please read this one too because there is much more detail in this one.

Eddie Marlin was announced first and he said that it seemed just like yesterday when we did our first show. He wanted to thank everyone behind the cameras, and engineers, Lance, Dave, Cory, and everyone involved in putting the show together. He also wanted to especially thank the fans for watching for 20 years, and he hopes that they will watch another 20 years.

FLASHBACK: Jimmy Hart crowned Paul Ellory King.

FLASHBACK: Lawler was arguing with Lance saying he had to move over to the other studio because all Lance was doing was watching Lawler on TV. Lawler said that he would miss old Banana Nose.

MATCH 1: Battle Royal for a new TV Title: This featured Tony Williams, Jesse James Armstrong, Fire, Ice, Spot, Thrasher, Reggie B. Fine, Mosh, Brian Christopher, Yoshi Kwan, Shadow, and TD Steele. This was an excellent match with Jesse James Armstrong winning.

FLASHBACK: Lawler and Dundee were tag teaming I believe against someone, and they were in the concession stand beating the tar out of each other, and all were bleeding.

FLASHBACK: Eddie Marlin presented Dave Brown with a Silver and Gold watch to celebrate his 25 years in wrestling. Eddie said that the Silver represented the past 25 years, and the Gold represented the next 25 years.

FLASHBACK: Jimmy Hart and Andy Kaufman were fighting around with Lance Russell sandwiched in between them.

Lance next said that he had watched newcomers over the years, and that wrestling in this area seemed to be the stepping stone to other areas.

FLASHBACK: Jeff Jarrett was acting as a referee (this was even before he started wrestling) while Buddy Landell was taking on someone, but Bill Dundee came out and interfered, knocking Jeff down. Jerry Jarrett came out and was kicking butt, when Dundee and Landell got the better of him. About that time, Jeff woke up and literally tackled Dundee then started taking them both on. This was
a very cool clip.

FLASHBACK: Time passed – Jeff Jarrett’s first match with Tony Falk – Jeff won, and this was a loser leave town match.

INTERVIEW: Jeff comes out and says that he has a doctors release, but he says that it doesn’t matter cause he has been from the Superdome to the Tokyo Dome, from Madison Square Gardens to Louisville Gardens, from small Kentucky High Schools to all over the world, and he would not have missed this 1000th show for anything. He also said that today was special (4/13/96) because 10 years ago today was his first match. He went on to say that he beat Ahmed Johnson for the Unified belt when others thought he was unbeatable – even Lawler said that Ahmed was unbeatable. But on December 13th in Tunica, Mississippi, Jeff said that he beat Ahmed. Then in a match on February 13, his back went out, which was no fault of Ahmed’s he says, and he was stripped of the title. Lawler won a battle Royal and gained the Unified belt back, but he didn’t beat Jarrett for it. Jeff said “Yes, I deserve a title shot, even Lawler said I deserve a title shot.” He went on to say that he admired Jerry Lawler the most when he was growing up – he took on the Funks, the Briscos, the Warriors and Lawler has been through them all. Sputnik Monroe was first, then came Jackie Fargo, then came Lawler, but now Jeff is saying it is time for the torch to be passed on to him. He also said that Lawler probably would not say that he was the world’s greatest entertainer, he would not say that Jeff was the world’s greatest singer, but there is one thing for d@mn sure – he would say that Jeff is the World’s Greatest Wrestler!! – Great interview.

FLASHBACK: Dundee vs. Jimmy Valiant – Dundee wins.

INTERVIEW: Lance presents Dundee with an appreciation plaque, but Dundee says that he deserves more. Samantha comes out and presents him with a picture, and Dundee tells her that that is about 20 years old. Dundee said what was finally on his mind was that he was ticked off because Wolfie won the match unfairly and now has his 27 grand van, while he was driving around in that old piece of junk rental car. He said this week he is going to get his car back from Wolfie (Fire). Next from the back under a masked voice came the voice of Fire who told Dundee that he had given his car to a good friend named Wolfie D. He also went on to say that this is the last everyone was going to see of Bill Dundee.

MATCH 2: Samantha decided to stay and watch the Headbangers vs. Cyberpunks. Cyberpunks win, but Samantha interferes, and Dundee comes out and nails Fire with the fan appreciation picture.

INTERVIEW: Jerry Lawler came out next and said that Jeff thinks it’s time to pass the torch, but there is one thing standing in his way – ME!!!

MATCH 3: Yoshi Kwan and Reggie B. Fine vs. Jesse James Armstrong and Brian Christopher. Jesse and Brian win, but Moondogs (Spot, and new one Rover) come out and interfere. While Scott Bowden is trying to get away, Rover catches him and starts chewing on his leg. Scott escapes, but Rover is left with the shoe, which he gives to Spot who immediately begins chewing on it. – Great Show!!!

DAVE’S WORLD by DAVE WHITAKER
We’ve got AOL at home. I’ve been spending too much time on the wrestling chat, and missing sleep. Computers can be addicting! My AOL address is Onyx124@AOL.COM

I’m going to break from the normal this week, and talk about another aspect of pro wrestling: The Announcers.

In WCW, most of them are awful. Tony Schivone used to be good, now he can’t keep his focus on the match without talking about that HH guy. The same goes for Chris Cruise. Don’t even ask me my opinion of Bischoff!! He gives bad announcers a bad name.

The color in WCW is decent. People say he sounds bored, but I find Larry Zybszko to be informative. Bobby Heenan gets on my nerves, because he often tries to be too cute, instead of just doing his heel perspective gimmick, but he can be enjoyable.

The two exceptions are Dusty Rhodes and Steve McMichael. Dusty is hard to understand, makes little sense, and loves to talk about everything except the match at hand. Steve McMichael was given the Steve Richards clueless putz award, need I say more?

There’s really not much I can say about the WWF, since Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler do most of the broadcasting. McMahon has wisened up some, but still sounds clueless. Jim Ross, whom I don’t think should be in a three-man team anyway, is knowledgeable, but doesn’t come off that way any more since he’s stuck with Perfect and McMahon. The three don’t sound good together.

Finally, quick thoughts on Lawler and Perfect. Lawler’s funny, but he seems too busy to make any serious commentary too often. Mr. Perfect does a good job of giving insight and giving the heel perspective.

Well, that’s my analysis of the big 2’s announcers. I have opinions on the Indies announcers. Maybe I’ll share those next week. Until then, Be good!

THE STEEL CAGE by JASON CLEVETT
E-mail: <clevettl@cadvision.com>
Well, Wrestlemania is now about three weeks past. Thus we jump forward to In Your House.

Predictions:
Diesel vs. Shawn Micheals, no holds barred Title Match
Undertaker beats Diesel, so Diesel becomes #1 contender. Don’t you love WWF logic? Seeing as BDC is on his way OTD, this is obvious. HBK will sweet chin music Big Daddy Cool and eliminate the embarrassment of WM 11.

Godwinns vs. Bodydonnas. WWF Tag Title Match
WWF has a solid? team in the Bodydonnas right now. Considering the state the WWF Tag Team Scene the Bodydonnas are the best they have. Godwinns would disgrace the belts worse then Men on a Mission.

Warrior vs. GoldDust
UW signed with WWF tog et the big one. The WWF belt. The IC belt does not matter to Warrior. Look for GoldDust to job via countout.

Mankind vs. Undertaker
Undertaker doesn’t lose often. I don’t think he will lose here. But it will be close and I wouldn’t be completely surprised if Mankind won. But my prediction is a double count out.

British Bulldog vs. Jake Roberts
Why is this match taking place? I heard Vega vs. Bulldog and Ahmed vs. Bulldog. Either of those would be better then this match. I am a big fan of both men, and respect Davey’s skills. But this should be a really bad match. Davey will win.

OTHER THINGS
I stand corrected. In my last article I said that I believed Sean “123 Kid” Waltman was no longer with the WWF. Shortly after I received a message from TC Kirkham of the Kid Connection Homepage. “Kid has NOT, repeat, NOT been released by the WWF. But he is still around and will be through at least the end of his current contract, which ends in November. He was left off the tapings in April for the most part (one squash, one loss to Michaels in a match airing on Superstars either this weekend or next) so that the Crybaby stuff would die down a bit before getting back into action full-time.

He is currently on the Germany tour, and then will regroup when he gets back ; he’s scheduled to take part in the May RAW and SUPERSTARS tapings, and then he and Sid will be back together in time for KOTR. WHAT they have planned I am still getting info on, but there ARE definitely plans afoot.

My apologies. Fortunately I never said it was a sure thing. Thanks TC.

Despite the rumor mill, Bret Hart is neither retiring or turning heel. The
RAW interview segments are to build him up after the loss. Remember after HH was “injured” at the hands of Earthquake and they had the big “Will he
retire” thing? There doing the same for Bret.

THE RIGHT VIEW by JIM SONDERGELD
E-mail: JSondergel@aol.com
For all those wondering as to my whereabouts last week, I was tending to other business. When Nitro takes the week off, I take the week off. And my heave of relief is no less earned.

* * *

What must readers of the New York Times have thought when they beheld the full page ad that the WWF ran accusing Ted Turner of having a “vendetta” against it? Probably something like, “What’s the WWF?” There are marks and there are contra-marks, defined as those so engrossed in this business that they think the mainstream is as caught up in it as they are. Somehow I doubt that the pro wrestling wars are uppermost in the minds of the good folks at Time-Warner, who just happen to be the “TBS stockholders” Vincy was referring to.

This is previously plowed ground, but it bears pointing out again how successful Eric Bischoff was in goading Vince McMahon into making a thorough @ss of himself with his “Millionaire Ted” spots. All Bischoff did, after all, was make some snide asides on Nitro telecasts. I’d have thought even Little Mac had a thick enough skin to ignore comments like “the Royal Fumble” and the like, and enough confidence to not freak at Bischoff reading off the taped match results of Raw. That he not only lacked these qualities, but so wildly overreacted as to defame two of the all-time WWF greats as the “Huckster” and the “Nacho Man” gives us a window into what passes for his character, and lays bare how desperate are the straits in which the WWF finds itself.

* * *

One could ask why McMahon didn’t upgrade his product and let it speak for him. And, ironically, that is exactly what he did at Wrestlemania XII when he treated the wrestling world to Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels.

For all the pre-emptive handicaps heaped upon this match, it still did not disappoint. The best two performers the WWF had to offer went at it for over an hour in a stirring (if not thrilling) contest that will certainly be a candidate for match of the year. If McMahon would emphasize this kind of athleticism and competition instead of sideshow freaks like “GoldDust,” his troupe just might be able to get back in the game.

Especially during the interminable, porcelain reign of WCW world chump “Dick” Flair, who is now using coffee grounds to hold into the belt. Now an apparently regular tactic, Flair’s raccoon-faced moll Woman inaugurated it on the April 1 Nitro, hurling stale coffee into the face of Lex Luger just as he had put the “Denture Boy” in the torture rack. Luger collapsed as if he’d been shot, and Flair, in a poor selling job, immediately sprung up, propped his feet against the ropes, and scored the pin. Coming a scant twenty-four hours after the Hart-Michaels masterpiece, this bush-league exercise was a profound embarrassment.

This is more than just a matter of taste. Much of a federation’s credibility is invested in the act of the man it chooses to be its standard-bearer. Whether the champ is a face or a heel matters far less than whether his character can be taken seriously, even as “sports entertainment.” Flair partisans will always insist that Hulk Hogan wore out his M.O. years ago, and perhaps that’s true to a certain extent; but Flair’s never worked in the first place, and its latest incarnation is even worse.

I don’t care what Flair caches in his jockstrap for deployment when the ref. isn’t looking; he can bring a derringer into the ring for all I care. He can put his feet on the ropes, he can use chairs and TV cord and whatever else he can find. BUT LET HIM FIND THEM, AND USE THEM, HIMSELF. This, in my opinion, is why the Giant kept throwing Flair back into the ring against Sting & Lex Luger Monday night. He was willing to be the old fart’s partner, but he was damned if he was going to be Flair’s backstop.

The solution is very simple: ban Woman (but not Liz) from ringside. And for once, have the half-dozen wrestlers that keep gang-tackling Randy Savage hold Arn Anderson back for a change. Let the self-proclaimed “greatest of all time” prove his bona fides and validate the credentials to which he stakes claim. And then sit back and watch the “Macho Man” tear him limb from bloody limb.

* * *

Long-range prediction: Randy Savage will get his shot at Ric Flair in Slamboree’s main event, and will win his fifth world title. Meanwhile, Hulk Hogan will be winning the Lethal Lottery/”Lord of the Ring” competition (WCW’S Royal Rumble) to determine the #1 contender. And at the Great American Bash in June, Hogan and Savage will meet at Caeser’s Palace in Las Vegas, just as Hogan said back at the last Clash of the Champions.

Who will win? Come on, I don’t show all my cards at once.

* * *

If Diesel wasn’t one of my favorite performers before, he sure as h3ll is now. I’ve rarely seen a more beautiful sight than the way “Big Daddy Cool” sucker-punched Shawn Michaels and left him spread-eagled on his back in the middle of the ring, the WWF belt perched daintily on his heaving gut. If, as rumored, Diesel is on his way to WCW, he certainly slammed the door on his way out, and did it with style.

He ought to greet Ric Flair the same way.

* * *

Note to Eric Bischoff and Steve McMichael: for heaven’s sake, lay off Lex Luger and Jimmy Hart. I don’t care how evil the producers make either of them, I have had more than my fill of the expression “snake in the grass.” Besides, that doesn’t come close to capturing the true putrescence of the “Mouth of the South.”

As for the “Total Package,” who knows? If his guiding principle is an abiding sense of exquisite self-interest, then why do WCW announcers keep warning Sting to “watch his back?” Since Sting & Luger are the world tag-team title holders, Luger has a built-in, self-centered interest in sticking by the Stinger in order to hold onto the belts. The time to be watchful is when they lose the titles, and Luger has no more pecuniary interest in cultivating Sting’s friendship.

But even then, these two are friends and business partners in real life. If they wouldn’t let
themselves be scripted into a feud then, why would they now?

* * *

If anybody was in doubt over what Hulk Hogan once described on the Tonight Show as pro wrestling’s “controlled” nature, the question should have been settled for good when Hogan almost bodyslammed Gene Okerlund the other night. If that had been real, “Mean Gene” would have dropped dead of a coronary on the spot.

Or, at the very least, his laundry bill would have spiked.

THE SUPER BOMB
by Tom Robson
E-MAIL: TRobson724@aol.com
I see something happening in WCW that scares me. (Actually, a lot of what happens in WCW scares me, but this maybe more than most.) It seems to me that Evil Incarnate (AKA Uncle Eric) thinks the fans are incredibly stupid.

Example #1: Slamboree

Aside from the fact that it’s a huge mistake leaving the concept of “A Legends’ Reunion” behind, WCW is ruining one of my favorite wrestling concepts: The Lethal Lottery. Say what you want about it, but I’ve always found it exciting. There was something about watching a card and not knowing anything about what matches you would see that added an extra something to the show. Even in 1992 when they announced the Cactus Jack & Johnny B. Badd vs. Van Hammer & Dan Spivey match before the card, that was the only one they announced. There were still a few more. And at least with that, you actually got to see the draw. This year, they’re just randomly announcing matches. But who couldn’t figure out that matches like Hawk & Lex Luger vs. Animal & Booker T, Taskmaster & Chris Benoit vs. Public Enemy and the Steiner Brothers being on opposite teams aren’t predetermined? As soon as I heard the first one, I started laughing. What exactly do Uncle Eric and Aunt Huckster take us for. (Interesting side note: I entered the word “Hulkster” into my computer and the spell check came up “Huckster”)

Example #2: The Cruiserweight Tournament

Let’s see . . . we haven’t seen any brackets. We haven’t seen half of the wrestlers that were promoted as being in the tournament. And now the finals are being promoted for Slamboree. Gimme a break Evil.

Something is drastically wrong when Vince McMahon is actually giving the fans more credit than the head of WCW. Scary . . .

FROM THE MIND OF THE MANIAC by “Maniac” Mike Blade
E-mail: Maniac1@aol.com
As promised, this week I’m going to look at the WWF World Heavyweight Championship and the men who have called it their own. I think you’ll catch on to the format as we go along.
– Shawn Michaels over Bret Hart, 3/31/96 . . . The jury is still out on Michaels’ championship timber. He was one of the best heel IC titlists. As a face though, he’s seemingly becoming more annoying by the minute. Time will tell.
– Bret Hart over Diesel, 11/19/95 . . . Hart’s third title reign was perhaps his least auspicious, marred by long feuds with big stiffs. It also ended with uncharacteristic, unsportsmanlike conduct.
– Diesel over Bob Backlund, 11/26/94 . . . The latest in the never-ending procession of “next Hulk Hogans” that VinnieMac keeps trying to push. Diesel gained the belt, but lost his edge. He called it himself, the corporate puppet just wasn’t any fun.
– Bob Backlund over Bret Hart, 11/23/94 . . . Face it, the loony Mister Bob Backlund is more fun than most any other heel wrestling today. Considering his first title reign, he deserved more than a three-day transition to switch the belt to Diesel.
– Bret Hart over Yokozuna, 3/20/94 . . . A year away from the top did little to kill Hart’s enthusiasm. His second title reign was as hard fought as the first. Memorable match versus the 1-2-3 Kid on Raw.
– Yokozuna over Hulk Hogan, 6/13/93 . . . Yoko’s second title reign stands as the second longest heel title run in WWF history. It was fun to have a heel at the top for a while, but it was the beginning of Yoko’s comic heel phase.
– Hulk Hogan over Yokozuna, 4/4/93 . . . The single biggest screwjob in recent history left Hogan with a belt that he didn’t defend in over two months. I personally don’t count this among his shining moments. In fact, to my mind, the title was vacant between WrestleMania 9 and the King of the Ring.
– Yokozuna over Bret Hart, 4/4/93 . . . Had Hogan not gotten in the way, this could’ve boosted the WWF’S bottom line through the summer of ’93. Hart, the clearly overmatched challenger, battle back against all odds to regain the belt. It also could’ve spared us the Lex Luger push.
– Bret Hart over Ric Flair, 10/12/92 . . . Fresh off losing the IC strap, Hart came from nowhere to establish himself with a submission victory over the “Nature Boy.” The curious part of this was that it was buried on a card in Saskatoon and taped for Coliseum Video.
– Ric Flair over Randy Savage, 9/1/92 . . . Liberal assistance from Razor Ramon helped Flair regain the belt from the “Macho Man.” This established Ramon as the new heel of the moment. It also set up the Survivor Series match-up which would lead to the Perfect face turn after Hellwig bailed out.
– Randy Savage over Ric Flair, 4/5/96 . . . One of the very few bloody brawls of the past dozen years. For the uninitiated, this is where the Savage/Liz/Flair triangle began. It also begged the question, “Why can’t Savage win a title without a screwjob?” In this case, it was a handful of tights.
– Ric Flair at Royal Rumble, 1/19/92 . . . Flair went in number two and stayed in the battle for what remains one of the best Rumbles yet. This added another jewel to the crown of the growing Flair legacy. How different would Sid’s career have been had Hogan been a good sport?
– Hulk Hogan over Undertaker, 12/3/91 – Undertaker over Hulk Hogan, 11/27/91 . . . I lump these together since they were basically the same match with different outcomes. Flair interferes and causes his usual brand of chaos. The title was vacated by Tunney the Intolerable which should’ve voided Hogan’s fourth championship. Go figure.
– Hulk Hogan over Sgt. Slaughter, 3/24/91 . . . Pop quiz: which was more embarrassing, the Slaughter/Iran angle, or Slaughter’s teary-eyed “I’ve got my country back” after what seemed like minutes of soul searching? This match is distinguished by the fact that nobody really remembers (or cares to remember) what happened.
– Sgt. Slaughter over Ultimate Warrior, 1/19/91 . . . You knew Hogan would end up with the belt again. Since they had been forbidden from wrestling each other again, it had to be that the title switch to a heel. This was a standard Warrior squash torn asunder by then “Macho King” Randy Savage who clocked Warrior with his scepter to allow Slaughter his last victory lap.
– Ultimate Warrior over Hulk Hogan, 4/1/90 . . . The first of only two title changes outside the US For some reason, there are people who consider this to be a good match. It is perhaps, the best these two have ever had. It was basically “oh you can do that, well so can I” for twenty minutes. Did anyone else laugh when Tunney the Tainted announced this as the most physically grueling match he’d ever seen?
– Hulk Hogan over Randy Savage, 4/2/89 . . . The heretofore reliable Savage had to bring it down to Hogan’s level for this match-up. It was nice to have a real champ, even if it was for just a year.
– Randy Savage over Ted DiBiase, 3/27/88 (Tournament Finals) . . . Between Andre and Hogan interfering there wasn’t much room for a match. Too bad considering Savage and DiBiase in their prime had few rivals. Hogan’s cheap chairshot wins for Savage, and he hasn’t won a World title cleanly since.
– Andre the Giant over Hulk Hogan, 2/5/88 . . . The infamous twin referee scam would have played better had Earl and Dave Hebner not been separated by about twenty pounds. Andre goes to his maker with the shortest title reign in WWF history after surrendering the belt to Ted DiBiase. Notable for having spared us another four years of runnin’ wild.
– Hulk Hogan over The Iron Sheik, 1/23/84 . . . Sheik was quite possibly the most limited wrestler ever to hold the belt. How did he get his stomach to be that fat and that solid? This was the inception of Hulkamania and therefore cannot be considered a good thing. I wonder how long before Sheik gets resurrected in the Dungeon of Doom?
– Iron Sheik over Bob Backlund, 12/26/84 . . . Thus ended the reign of the last really boring champion. Legend has it that Backlund refused to job for the Sheik (can you blame him?) so Skaaland was forced to throw in the towel.
– Bob Backlund over Billy Graham, 2/20/78 . . . “Superstar” remains the longest running heel champion in federation history (then the WWWF). His loss to Backlund was unexpected at best. From the flamboyant to the catatonic . . . it was here that Howdy Doody perfected his “those darn hemorrhoids” butt dance.
– Billy Graham over Bruno Sammartino, 4/30/77 . . . Bruno’s charm eludes me. The man couldn’t interview. He could barely speak. His ring style was stiff. What exactly was VinnieMac Sr. thinking? No wonder Superstar held the belt for so long.
– Bruno Sammartino over Stan Stasiak, 12/10/73 . . . “The Man” managed to hold the belt for nine grueling days while gnawing his tobacco and heart-punching his opponents. Then, back to the boredom. Truly, Sammartino made Hogan look like a good worker. Well . . . ?
– Stan Stasiak over Pedro Morales, 12/1/73 . . . For the too young among us, Pedro Morales was who Savio Vega is. Different guy, same gimmick. The fiery Latino as played twenty years earlier. Morales was way over. He’s the reason that Vega scares me so much. When Morales lost at Madison Square Garden, he was declared the victor in the ring and the title was switched on television that weekend. The feared a riot over the loss by the popular Morales. I’m glad wrestling fans have calmed down.
– Pedro Morales over Ivan Koloff, 2/8/71 . . . The evil (add the nationality of your choice) began in the WWWF with the “Russian” Koloff. He played the heel very well for a transitional champ.
– Ivan Koloff over Bruno Sammartino, 1/18/71 . . . Eight years of inexplicable torture ended when the beloved Bruno fell prey to “The Russian Bear”. Eight years, arrrrrgh! Think of Hogan’s first reign lasting through 1992. It’s just too hideous to consider.
– Bruno Sammartino over Buddy Rogers, 5/17/63 . . . What took Diesel eight seconds, took Bruno forty-eight. Rogers submitted to a back breaker in what was probably considered one of Bruno’s finest matches.
– Buddy Rogers over Antonino Rocca, 4/63 (Tournament Finals) . . . Does it bother anyone else that the first WWWF champion was a transitional heel champ? What’s the matter, Bruno couldn’t make it to Brazil?

There you have it. I was going to look at where it’s going. But after looking at this, I think I’m going to have a nice cry.

NOTES FROM THE MAD DOG
E-Mail: MADDOGJMF@aol.com

Two and a half papers to go and 14 lines to memorize for Shakespeare tomorrow night. Stress, but hey, that’s the end of my college class-taking career. Well, hopefully anyway . . .

You’ve seen Brett’s report on the ECW show by now, well, it was the best ECW event I’ve been to in my memory. Shocking, good wrestling, great action, d@mn good seats, and well, seeing someone get hit in the face with a pie! Great stuff!

My additions: I liked the addition of D-Von Dudley, he’s much better in the role of “bad @ss father figure” to the Dudley Boys than BIG DICK DUDLEY could ever be . . . Lady Alexandra is not the type of woman who looks good in a T-shirt and jean short-shorts. She doesn’t even look “slutty” — she looks kind of sad. If the shirt showed less and they covered up her rear end she probably would have had the effect she was looking for. It was funny that when the crowd chanted “show your t!ts” she responded by showing us her bra. First time for everything I guess and shows how desperate she and Damion Kane are to get over . . . THE BLUE MEANIE and STEVIE RICHARDS doing a DIESEL & SHAWN MICHAELS act was cool. Meanie had Shawn-type leggings and vest and did Shawn’s striptease better than Shawn could . . . Missing from Brett’s Report: JT SMITH’S rendition of “Fly me to the moon.” It must be heard to be appreciated . . . TOMMY DREAMER is HARDCORE. I don’t give a d@mn about those who don’t appreciate it. Any man who agrees to have a cinderblock dropped on his groin is either too stupid to live or HARDCORE TO THE EXTREME . . . The Kiss. Shocking. . . . THE BRUISE BROTHERS are too stupid to live. I’m sorry, but throwing chairs at fans who chant “SMOKING GUNNS” could have spoiled the night. Thankfully, the fans were okay and everything turned out all right. But I will say this now — Ron & Don Harris need to learn that being 6’10” may intimidate the fans but it’s not going to be cool when your rear ends are in jail for assaulting a fan or when you’re in court losing everything you have in order to pay for the damages YOU have inflicted. 5 words for them: GROW UP OR GET OUT . . .

Currently trying to watch all the shows I cover for the week and you know, NOTHING compares to what I saw last night. Rest holds and Savio Vega let alone VINNIE MAC drooling over another Sunni video — wonder where his hands were during THAT video replay — don’t do it for me. But I have a proposal: Three cameras stationed on Sunni during every WWF show. Interactive TV so you can chose a wide shot showing Sunni, or pick breast or rear end shots. This way they can get the maximum exploitation of her and give the guys something to look at when the action gets boring in the ring. I mean really, let’s go all the way in exploiting her. But, remember, if you’re Roman Catholic refer to the movie “Monty Python’s the Meaning of Life” before you take part in the rituals some are following during Sunni appearances — wouldn’t want you to be excommunicated over this issue . . . [THIS LINE WAS AN OBSCURE REFERENCE TO A GOOD MOVIE AND NOT ANY SORT OF “DIS” OF ORGANIZED RELIGION. RENT THE MOVIE, WATCH IT, AND YOU’LL KNOW WHAT I MEAN . . .]

::Sigh:: If there’s a god then he or she’ll get last night’s show on tape and FAST!

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

********************************************************************
FINE PRINT & DISCLAIMERS: The Ring Report TV Update is (c) 1996 Mad Dog Bytes Computers. All names, events, etc., are trademarks of their respective leagues. Mad Dog Bytes Computes puts out this report as a free publication, put out by fans for fans, and if your federation has a problem with being carried — please contact me immediately at maddogjmf@aol.com. Mad Dog Bytes Computers is not responsible for the opinions or claims of our columnists, all columns are the responsibility of the columnists and if you have an issue with the columnist please e-mail them directly. While The Ring Report is (c) 1996 Mad Dog Bytes Computers we do grant permission for you to reprint this on e-mail lists or in physical form in it’s entirety as long as no money is made off of the reprints and the issue is reprinted intact with all proper attributions to the sources of the reports. Brett Schwan has a web page at http://www.gstand.com/wrestle/cactusb — remember he’s only giving us reports because he’s using us to get a web page!
********************************************************************
HOW TO CONTACT THE RING REPORT:
GENERAL COMMENTS/SUGGESTIONS/SUBMISSIONS: RINGREPORT@AOL.COM
Grandstand Wrestling On-Line: Http://www.gstand.com/WRESTLE
Ring Report Generic Web site: http://www.gstand.com/WRESTLE/RReport
Maddogjmf Generic Web site: http://www.gstand.com/Wrestle/ARF

“MAD DOG” JAMES M. FINCH, Editor in Chief, Nitro, Raw and sometimes
Flashback Reporter:
MADDOGJMF@AOL.COM and 71554,121 on CSERVE

JOB OPENINGS:
WCW MAIN EVENT
WWF ACTION ZONE
WCW PAY PER VIEWS
WWF PAY PER VIEWS
UFC PAY PER VIEWS

No need to ask, first report to get to us gets in. Do it regularly
and the job is yours . . .
********************************************************************