The Ring Report TV Update 5/26/96 Vol. 1, No. 170

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The Ring Report TV Update 5/26/96 Vol. 1, No. 170
(“Whoo hoo it’s a wonderful day! We’re on-time!”)
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PLEASE READ: Due to the demands of our subscribers this is the LAST issue we feature incredibly huge columns. Since our issues have grown in size to over *23* single spaced pages per issue we have a serious problem. This is our first step in solving that problem.

The cardinal rule with columns from issue 171 forward is ONE SINGLE-SPACED PAGE PER COLUMN. The non-so-cardinal rule is ONE SUBJECT PER COLUMN (multiple subjects are allowed as long as you keep Rule #1).

This includes *all* columns from here on out.

Questions or comments can go to MADDOGJMF@aol.com.

Thank you,

MADDOGJMF
Publisher, The Ring Report TV Update

WCW in Lake Charles, LAon 5/18/96 at the Civic Center AKA Mark
Square Arena by GENE B. PLATT
E-Mail: kumquat@sat.net
I’m writing this 2 nights after the event, so hope my notes jog my memory . . . .

Well, the marks were out in force for this one. Plenty of rowdiness about seating, etc. even BEFORE they started serving the beer.

Match 1: Taskmaster vs. Booty Man (w/o Booty Babe): Here comes the Booty Man in his Hellwig wanna-be attire (at least half the fans were thinking it, anyway). This match set much of the theme for the night. Being the night before a PPV, these guys must’ve been REALLY afraid to get hurt. TM chases Booty around, Booty chases TM around. They both take it out to a raised platform near the dressing rooms where the fight it out and the Booty Man gets a pin. yay . . . .

Match 2: Dirty Dick Slater vs. Lord Steven Regal: Dirty Dick is taking Fit Finley’s place in this one (the only no-show of the night. I was actually pleased with the show that Dick Slater put on (not impressed, just pleased). Dick Slater comes out first. Next comes Regal, being the usual a-hole. Regal gets into it with a mark, and Slater walks up, taps Regal on the shoulder, then pops him when Regal turns around (this was the running gag for the match). They start to mix it up, spilling wildly into the crowd. What was a fairly open area quickly becomes flooded with kids, some of whom take a shot or two of their own at Regal. Our fine police force eventually come in to disperse the crowd, but not before plenty of people score the obligatory photo op. They get back in the ring and actually shake hands after all this (seriously!), then some more B/S, then Regal tries to leave, the count starts, he runs like a mad chicken to make it back in, trips on the apron, etc. . . . . Again, it was a better match than expected (I don’t remember Slater trying a package before). Eventually Regal tells off the city of Lake Charles, and REALLY goes to leave the arena. The match is awarded to Slater. Slater tries to follow Regal and loses him. A game of hide and seek ensues. Then Regal comes back out to b*tch some more. He get into shouting matches with both the ref. and announcer and, of course, loses both. He tries to leave again, but Regal argues with a fan along the railing and Slater sneaks up to him from the shadows and gives him a PROLONGED beating.

#include <plug.for.State.Supreme.Court.Justice.in.the.audience>

Match 3: Arn Anderson vs. Macho Man: When Macho Man comes out he does that turn-around bit and looks up at all the people, which is hilarious since the section he stares at is completely empty. Anyway, Savage gets the second biggest pop of the night, being the unbelievably popular nuisance that he is. Anyway, Arn tosses Macho out. Macho tosses chair in. Arn leaves. Randy Anderson starts to raise the hand of Savage, then he remembers that that’s not how it’s supposed to end, so he starts the 10-count instead. Arn climbs back in and gets the advantage. He tries to suplex Macho, who reverses. Macho goes to the top rope, Arn catches up and gives him a gut shot. Randy counters with absolutely the SOFTEST head-butts I’ve ever seen. He just kinda pushed against Arn’s head like some alien greeting ritual. Anyway, Arn falls to the canvas, Randy does the ol’ elbow, and wins. As Arn wakes up, fans chant “USA” (go fig’).

Match 4: Denture Boy vs. Sting: Flair was absolutely man-handled by Sting for the majority of this one. He comes out with the gold and red boots that look more like the came from Hogan’s locker (no, HH wasn’t there, ninnies!) Out of deference to the great wrestler Flair once was, I’ll simply say that Sting gets out of the F-4, gets a Deathlock, and wins.

#include <prolonged.intermission>

Match 5: TV Title Match: Eddy Guerrero vs. Lex Luuuuuuger: Well, I’m tired of seeing this belt defended at house shows. At this point I think we should entertain submissions for the new phrase that TV stands for (my current vote is “Turnover Varies”). The match starts with a clean handshake, then they proceed the demolish each other. Luger throws Eddy around a lot, with accompanying pec flexes. At one point in the match, though, Eddy challenges Luger to the infamous test of strength. Luger puts Eddy to his knees early, and Eddy actually starts to work his way out of it (yeah, right!) A few good hits in the match. Eddy’s Frankensteiner off the top rope was kewl. The match was good, even if I don’t remember a lot of it. Luger wins via the following: he attempts the rack, but loses his grip. Eddy falls behind him and tries for the sunset flip. Luger keeps most of his balance at sits down right in front of Eddy and sticks Eddy’s legs up, kinda like what the end result of a flip would look like. He holds on for the three.

#include <plug.for.BattleBowl>

Match 6: Street Fight: Public Enemy vs. Nasty Boys: Normally this match would have few implications, however Johnny Grunge (or at least his alter ego) graduated from Sulfur H.S., which is in the town immediately west of this one. Public Enemy brought the table out with them. I heard a huge pop from the crowd, and hoped they at least knew who they were, but the pop was for the Nasties, who brought chair and trash can in tow as they way-laid PE. Everyone beat the crap outta each other for a few minutes, PE got the pin, then the Nasties bad-mouth them, chase them down, and beat them up some more. Just another street fight.

#include <announcement.for.raffle.winner>

Match 7: Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. the Giant (World Title match): GEEZ, that guy is huge. Well you already know who one that, so I’ll simply say it was personally satisfying to me to see that glorious chokeslam.
CWUSA 5-19-96 TV SHOW SUMMARY by MARK CARLTON
E-mail: carlton@teleport.com
Announcer Dutch Savage(17 time PNW Champion)
John Rambo vs. Bill “The Anchor” Sawyer:  Rambo wins with a roll-up after a superkick.

Interview with Rambo: “What can climb buildings with a single bound? What is more powerful  than a locomotive? Look up in the sky, it’s a bird, No it’s a plane,  No its my foot! And I’m gonna use it to super-kick the h3ll outta guys  like Jesse Barr, Dane Rush, Lou Andrews and any of the other bad  guys in the PNW!”

Buddy Wayne vs. Sumito: This match is joined in progress with Buddy Wayne landing a over-the-top-rope tope on Sumito. Wayne gets a 2 count and follows it with a  moonsault and more 2 counts. DeBeers interferes and Bart Sawyer jumps  DeBeers and starts pounding on him. Meanwhile Sumito superkicks Wayne  and gets the pinfall. We got a new TV champion. Sumito parades around  the ring, TV trophy in hand but gets ambushed by Wayne who throws  powder in Sumito’s eyes. DeBeers and Sawyer join in with DeBeers and Wayne  stomping Sawyer and Sumito, who are left laying in the ring “like a  couple pieces a meat in frying pan, ready to get cooked!”.

– I was hoping that Wayne would follow Billy Jack’s lead from Louisville and break the trophy over Sumito’s head. One can only dream.

Interview with Bart Sawyer:  “Sumito only has one eye and Buddy Wayne tried to blind him. The trophy  means nothing! Sumito can’t see right now. It’s time to get down and get dirty. I don’t care if it’s in the ring or in the parking lot, I’m  coming after you, Colonel and Wayne.  You hurt my friend!”

Bruiser Brian vs. Lou Andrews: Both men take turns pounding on each other. Lots of stiff action with  Dane Rush sitting passively at ringside. Rush finally interferes and  Andrews gets the pin.

Interview with Bruiser Brian: “Lou! You stuck one over on me. Dane, you threw me off sitting there with you bald head.”

This is followed by lots of incoherent rambling. Finally, Bruiser challenges Andrews to a no-DQ match with Rush locked in a cage at ringside.

“Lou, if you got the guts, with you friend in the cage. We’ll get it on. You got the guts? Let’s get it on!

– Dutch needs to work with Bruiser and teach how to give an interview.  He’s really bad.

Matt Borne vs. Jesse Barr: This match is joined in progress. Outside the ring, Borne suplexes Barr  on the floor and then runs him head first into the ring post. Ouch!  Barr pleads for Borne to lay off but Borne stands on Barr’s head among  other things. Borne lands a sloppy drop-kick off the top rope and has  Barr pinned but the referee was knocked down by the drop-kick. Barr gets  clotheslined out of the ring but gains the advantage by posting Borne.  Barr grabs the timekeepers table and powerbombs, then body slams Borne on the table but does not break it(Opps, these guys need to watch more  ECW). Borne is laid out. Barr climbs back into the ring and Borne is  counted out. Meanwhile, Borne is carried out on a stretcher.

Interview with Jesse Barr: “Am I a man of my word or what? I told you if Matt Borne got in the ring with me, he would live to regret it. Pack you bags and take off somewhere, where someone gives a d@mn about you!”

Interview with Matt Borne:
– Borne is in a neck brace and the match with Barr is being shown in the background.

“I’m a little injured but I’m all right. I’ve got a chipped vertebrae in  my neck. The Doctors have advised me to avoid any strenuous activities. Can’t say when I’m coming back. While I was away, Jesse Barr got bigger and tougher than before. You know what happens when you wound a dog? He gets mean. I’m coming back. There is a silver lining in every  cloud. You fans will see when I come back. Jesse Barr, you’d better think about me because I’m gonna be your worst nightmare because I’m  coming back to get ya.”

CWUSA Hotline: 503-289-4222

Dr. X’s Wrestling Royale 5/20/96
E-Mail: SDA00@aol.com
WHAT YOU MISSED: Dr. X’s Wrestling Royale . . . This week was a rerun, but it was good since several workers that have moved on from the Indies were there. Most notably Al Snow and Chris Candido. ECW’s “Blue Meanie” Brian Rollins, Devon Storm, and others were on as well, so it was nice to watch. Here are the results: From CWA, The Troublemakers (Big Val Puccio from ECW, and Tough Tony) defeated The Viper & El Mascarado . . . Chris Candido and Tammy Fytch had a few comments . . . Vinnie “The Torch” Carbone gave an interview from Windy City, seconded by his “muscle”, Rudy “Big Gun” Gambino, Luigi “Fingers” Fontaine, and Louie “The Lip” Stefano. Carbone is a manager in Windy City . . . Windy City Heavyweight Champion “Iron” Mike Samson (w/ Vinnie Carbone) beat Brian Rollins (in his pre-Blue Meanie role) . . . From the first round of the November 1994 NWA Heavyweight Title Tournament, Tracey Smothers beat Devon Storm . . . MMWA’S Magic Man gave some words . . . Windy City Wrestling saw a no contest between The Texas Hangmen (Killer & Psycho, w/ JR.) and The Fabulous Kangaroos (Al Snow & Denny Kass) . . . From the first round of the November 1994 NWA Heavyweight Title Tournament, Chris Candido (w/ Tammy Fytch) beat Al Snow . . . North Georgia Wrestling Alliance saw “Bad Boy” Billy Black (one of ECW’s Darkriders) beat Colt Derringer (w/ “Honest” John Cheatem) . . . From the CWA, Hillbilly Jim beat Tony Atlas by countout . . .

WWF MONDAY NIGHT RAW 5/20 by MADDOGJMF
WHAT YOU MISSED: “WILDMAN” MARC MERO took on STEVE AUSTIN. Slow match, dominated by mat wrestling early on.  It picked up about 10 minutes into it with some high flying moves.  TED DIBIASE hooked Mero’s leg to gain the advantage for his man and Austin went to the top rope when SAVIO VEGA came in and attacked Austin with his “CARIBBEAN STRAP.” This earns a DQ win for Austin and Mero & Vega having a mini-staredown in the ring . . . a look at the KUWAIT tour (I will continue to state that if the WWF wants to do something for people REALLY in need — go to Bosnia and try to do something good THERE. End of rant) . . . a look at THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR’S “WARRIOR” comic-book signing.  VINCE MCMAHON claims that it’s going to revolutionize the comic book industry . . . SAVIO VEGA in the ring to take on THE 123 KID.  Obviously taped before Kid took some time off.  Missed most of the match, came back for STEVE AUSTIN in the ring with the Kid and they’re tying up Savio with the Caribbean strap (he it SOUNDS like “Indian Strap”), and putting on the driver’s cap . . . onto a look at HENRY GODWINN & HILLBILLY JIM trying to get in their locker room last night at MSG.  The door is locked.  They pound on the door and SUNNY comes out.  PHINNEAS follows.  Jim yells something about staying away from her.  On to the match highlights.  Lotsa distractions by the BodyDonnas.  Sunny goes to hit Phinny with an object but Phinny kisses her, then turns around and goes to town on ZIP for the win . . . then onto an interview with THE UNDERTAKER.  MANKIND attacks Undie from behind and seals him in the casket with a chain.  He then pretty much dents the heck out of the casket with a metal pole . . . back in the ring. JIM CORNETTE, CLARENCE MASON, DIANA SMITH & THE BRITISH BULLDOG come out.  Cornette declares that he has a restraining order preventing SHAWN MICHAELS from being near to Diana.  G. MONSOON comes out and declares that Diana has to go back to the dressing room because Shawn is coming out.  The music plays for Shawn and he does a slight double take at Diana as they pass.  Oh yah, somewhere along the line JAKE ROBERTS came out.  But that doesn’t matter now, does it?  Shawn says he’ll never ever have anything to do with a married woman.  He knocks the rumor mills.  He says that everything is a lie.  The show starts to sound WORSE than NITRO tonight.  He says MARTY JANNETTY’S accusations aren’t true, that while he was wild when he was younger, that he’s trying to grow up and “be a man.”  JERRY LAWLER says MICHAELS is lying and makes accusations that Michaels did something with PAM ANDERSON. Michaels denies it.  Says that he “bowed out like the gentleman that he is.”  Oh yah, the match sucks so far but that doesn’t matter now, does it?  Bulldog starts to taunt Michaels while hurting Jake’s left knee.  Michaels says he can’t take it any more. Michaels says he was turned down plenty of times and that his mother used to slap his face.  Lawler continues to aggravate Michaels. Michaels says that Lawler is watch too much Daytime TV Talk shows. Lawler drops the bomb: Nope.  Jake gets the upper hand and goes for a DDT and Bulldog drops it.  Bombshell:  Jerry Lawler says that just this morning Michaels posed for a 14 page spread for PLAYGIRL mag. Michaels says that he did and he had FUN and it was “innocent.” Lawler wants to know how much Michaels showed. I’m glad that if I had kids they’d be asking “Daddy, what’s playgirl?” right now. Whoops, it’s 1996, we’re not “family entertainment” any more.  The match continues but that doesn’t matter now, does it?  Michaels says that he’ll get refuge from the press this Sunday night at IYH. Bulldog taunts Michaels.  Then DIANA comes back to ringside as we go to commercial.  Diana is accusing Shawn at ringside then throws a drink in his face.  Cornette asks if he’d hit a woman, Michaels says “no, I wouldn’t hit a woman” and clocks Cornette before Bulldog attacks him from behind . . .

WCW MONDAY NITRO 5/20 by MADDOGJMF
WHAT YOU MISSED: Actually had some semblance of a life and got a call at the start of the program so these are quickies .  . MONGO was not at ringside, they played MONGO & KEVIN GREEN getting in Flair’s face from SLAMBOREE . . . THE STEINERS vs. FIRE & ICE went to a no contest  . . . RIC FLAIR pinned EDDY GUERRERO with a figure four . . . STING & LEX LUGER defeated MENG & THE BARBARIAN.  The Barbarian had Sting on the top rope and was preparing for some sort of Superplex when Luger grabbed Barbarian’s leg, Sting shoved Barbarian down then did a Splash off the top rope.  Sting rolled off of the Barbarian, grabbed Meng, and Luger covered Barbarian for the win . . . RANDY SAVAGE was trying to get into the building (I thought they cleared this stuff up at SLAMBOREE), as there was some sort of decision going on about his future . . . a promo for BLOOD RUNS COLD . . . BRAD ARMSTRONG took on DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE.  Ric Flair did color commentary, sounding highly impaired on whatever he was drinking. Eric B. announced that NITRO would be 2 hours starting next week, leading some to wonder if the impairment carried over to Flair’s boss.  Eric then announced that they were reviewing DALLAS PAGE’S win at Slamboree.  Great selling by DDP, as usual. He’s probably the best guy in the biz to put someone over.  Page pulled out the Diamond Cutter — nice move — for the win . . . an interview with Page.  He thanks himself for such a great match.  He says THE GIANT is his and then GENE OKERLUND breaks in and says that the championship committee has viewed the footage of the match last night and his foot skimmed the floor sometime in the match so they’ve taken the title shot away from DDP and given it to LEX LUGER.  Brilliant. Flair’s sounding drunker by the minute (but more sober than Mongo ever did), Gene can’t even get the angle right (“you pinned him with your foot on the floor”), and now they take away the set-up for something great by giving the title shot to Luger . . . ARN ANDERSON took on THE GIANT.  At this point I don’t care any more.  THE TASKMASTER comes out with Anderson.  Why? Flair keeps saying there’s going to be a title switch. I start praying that my sister has recorded ECW from last week. Taskmaster says that Anderson has kept his word through the Pillman & Benoit situations. He says he’s at ringside to make sure it’s a fair match.  Arn Anderson is basically thrown around the ring for most of the match. Anderson tried a DDT and it’s turned into a chokeslam for the pinfall.  Flair charges out of the broadcast booth.  Anderson rolls out of the ring and The Taskmaster watches his back.  And nothing happens.  Heenan leaves the booth.  Eric tells us that it’s two hours next week.  Nothing happens.  This is horrible . . . Overall: “Eh.” Not that DIESEL or RAZOR RAMON were promised, but it was a let down that neither appeared.  If they are coming in this would have been the PERFECT timing to bring one in. The good news is that the workers get more time to be programmed in matches (4 minute matches are not a good thing).  The bad news is that I was bored out of my skull for most of the hour. Hopefully it was a step up from Slamboree . . .

WWF CANADIAN MANIA 5/25/96 Joel Geraghty
E-Mail: cgeraght@icis.on.ca
WHAT YOU MISSED: In the opening sequence, SUNNY has replaced DIESEL . . . JIM ROSS’ deathbed interview with THE UNDERTAKER on MONDAY NIGHT RAW is interrupted when MANKIND ties the casket shut. For some reason, they cut the footage off and went back to TODD PETTENGILL . . . SLAM JAM with RAY ROUGEAU, who had comments from SHAWN MICHAELS concerning tomorrow night’s WWF IN YOUR HOUSE: “BEWARE OF DOG” . . . From RAW, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN defeated WILDMAN MARC MERO via DQ when SAVIO VEGA interfered . . . ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT TOUR promo . . . From RAW, THE 1-2-3 KID was pinned by SAVIO VEGA. Afterward, STONE COLD ran in, he and KID beat and tied SAVIO, and then put the chauffeur’s hat on him . . . “Choose the path of the Warrior” promo . . . Clips of THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR signing his comic books . . . Footage from Madison Square Garden of THE GODWINNS winning the WWF Tag Team Championship from THE BODY DONNAS . . . TODD informed us that HOG & PIG will defend the belts at the FREE FOR ALL against THE SMOKING GUNNS and then spoke via telephone with SUNNY, who promised to show up at FREE FOR ALL in a big way. PETTENGILL then read a fax from SUNNY criticizing his vest . . . A look at the events leading up to BULLDOG vs. SHAWN . . . From RAW, JAKE “THE SNAKE” ROBERTS was victorious over THE BRITISH BULLDOG by count-out when BULLDOG was pounding SHAWN MICHAELS on the outside . . . Comments from JIM CORNETTE and BULLDOG . . . IYH promo . . . MR. PERFECT with his PERFECT POINT, which were IYH predictions: AUSTIN over VEGA, SABLE would leave with the winner of HELMSLEY/MERO, GOLDUST over UNDERTAKER, BULLDOG over SHAWN, and VADER over YOKOZUNA . . . Show ended with TODD promising to see us on the ACTION ZONE . . . !!!

WCW SATURDAY NIGHT 5/25/96 by MADDOGJMF
WHAT YOU MISSED: it was announced that RANDY SAVAGE has been banned from all TV tapings for WCW . . . THE AMERICAN MALES took on THE STEINER BROTHERS and came up short when SCOTT STEINER pinned SCOTTY RIGGS . . .  a look that was the embarrassment known as RIC FLAIR & ARN ANDERSON challenging MONGO to get a partner at SLAMBOREE. KEVIN GREENE came out and well, the rest will be jobbing history and the pathetic thing is that NO ONE CARES ABOUT MONGO & GREENE . . . a special look at THAT HH GUY in video (as if we weren’t bored to tears by these ‘videos’ last Sunday night on WCW MAIN EVENT) . . . THE BOOTIE MAN & BABE came discoing out to take on and beat out the odds on THE GAMBLER . . . a BLOOD RUNS COLD promo, this time announcing the word GLACIER . . . a look at MEAN GENE telling “DIAMOND” DALLAS PAGE that he couldn’t get a title shot at THE GREAT AMERICAN BASH . . . THE NEW MEN AT WORK fell to HARLEM HEAT . . . MEAN GENE blamed THE INTERNET for his hotline’s report on a big guy who is supposed to retire . . . STING took on “LORD” STEVEN REGAL.  We’ve seen this match more times than Sting vs. Flair.  Nothing really new, though Sting sold a little more than usual.  End came this time when Sting went for a Scorpion Deathlock, Regal cradled it, but Sting reversed it and got the pin . . . THE GREAT AMERICAN BASH control center. June 16th in Baltimore with the main event THE GIANT vs. LEX LUGER for the WCW World Title. Undercard includes RIC FLAIR & ARN ANDERSON vs. KEVIN GREEN & MONGO, THE TASKMASTER vs. CHRIS BENOIT falls count anywhere, REY MISTERIO JR. vs. DEAN MALENKO for the Cruiserweight title . . . THE BARBARIAN came out for his match with RANDY SAVAGE. Savage snuck in through the crowd and MEAN GENE & trainer CHIP BERNUM, acting on behalf of the WCW Executive Committee, who told Savage that he was indefinitely suspended from all future WCW TV matches.  Savage attacked Burnum then came off the top rope with a flying elbow before 6 security guards chased him out of the building . . . Okerlund came out to mumble about how low Randy Savage has gone lately.  DUSTY RHODES would not condone the Savage-one, and TONY S. got us out of there before the BRAVES came in and REALLY kicked some butt . . .

WCW PRO REPORT – MAY 26, 1996 by Doug Corti
E-Mail: jadcorti@artsu1.watstar.uwaterloo.ca
WHAT YOU MISSED: We open with a shot of MONGO bringing out KEVIN GREENE at Slamboree . . . LORD STEVEN REGAL and SQUIRE DAVID TAYLOR w/ JEEVES beat the SOUTHERN POSSE after Regal made the Posse member without the hairy back submit to the Regal Roll . . . a look back at VK WALLSTREET attacking MARK STARR after their match last week . . . this was followed by a match between Starr and Wallstreet, with VK getting the pinfall victory using a Greco-Roman foot on the ropes . . . MEAN GENE in the Great American Bash Control, announcing LUGER/GIANT, Mongo & Greene vs. FLAIR & ANDERSON, TASKMASTER against BENOIT in a falls-count-anywhere match, and DEAN MALENKO defending against REY MISTERIO JR. . . . in what was seemingly a heavyweight title match, STEVE DOLL made me wonder what he was doing in a heavyweight title match, even more so after getting chokeslammed by the Giant . . . Nitro highlights . . . call Gene’s scam line to find out about a potential retirement, information not found on the Internet . . . MASAHIRO CHONO w/ SONNY ONOO beat BUTCH LONG with the STF, of note during this match, Long attempted to jump at Chono when Chono was against the ring post, and missed, the funny part being that Chono did not even move from the position he was in when Long started running at him . . . Blood Runs Cold promo . . . WCW Motor Sports time, not with STEVE GRISSOM, but with a new HH Guy monster truck, the truck doing the job to BIGFOOT . . . and in the main event BRAD ARMSTRONG beat Ric Flair w/ WOMAN and ELIZABETH by DQ when the referee saw Flair hit Armstrong with the brass knuckles, of note there was a brief bit at the start of the match when Woman was holding the heavyweight title at ringside, and Flair chased WILDCAT WILLY out of the arena, bringing up an audible “Kill the Cat” chant, you don’t suppose some mutants found their way into Disney . . . .

WWF CANADIAN CHALLENGE 5/25/96
E-Mail: cgeraght@icis.on.ca (Joel Geraghty)
WHAT YOU MISSED: Clips from MONDAY NIGHT RAW of SAVIO VEGA interfering in the STEVE AUSTIN/MARC MERO match, and of STONE COLD and THE 1-2-3 KID humiliating VEGA . . . From this week’s WWF SUPERSTARS, STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN out-wrestled FATU. When AUSTIN didn’t release the Million Dollar Dream, SAVIO VEGA ran in and whipped him with the strap . . . Comments from SAVIO . . . Promo for IN YOUR HOUSE: “BEWARE OF DOG” . . . The whole UNDERTAKER/MANKIND/GOLDUST fiasco from RAW, followed by comments from PAUL BEARER and THE UNDERTAKER . . . “Path of the Warrior” promo, and a look at THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR signing comic books . . . Footage from Madison Square Garden of THE BODY DONNAS losing to THE GODWINNS . . . Comments from HILLBILLY JIM and our new WWF Tag Team Champions . . . SLAM JAM with RAY ROUGEAU, talking incessantly about IYH . . . From SUPERSTARS, THE MAN THEY CALL VADER annihilated BOB “SPARK PLUGG” HOLLY . . . ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT TOUR promo . . . MR. PERFECT refused to shed some more light on his “Perfect Future” he alluded to last week . . . From SUPERSTARS, WILDMAN MARC MERO beat THE BROOKLYN BRAWLER with a figure-four leglock. MR. BOB BACKLUND then invaded the ring and chicken-winged MERO, who after being released was the victim of HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY’S Pedigree . . . SLAM JAM with RAY, again blathering about IYH. Enough! I’m buying the d@mn PPV, okay??? . . . Comments from THE NEW ROCKERS, who were aboard their new tour bus. MARTY JANNETTY, that bastion of integrity, claimed that SHAWN MICHAELS used to chase only married women when they were THE ROCKERS . . . From RAW, THE BRITISH BULLDOG lost to JAKE “THE SNAKE” ROBERTS via count-out when he was attacking SHAWN MICHAELS . . . The show ended with MR. PERFECT and DOK HENDRIX giving their predictions for IYH . . . !!!

OUT FOR THE COUNT by RUSSELL J. SMITH
E-Mail: jmsmith@online.rednet.co.uk
IN YOUR HOUSE INSIGHT . . .
People have voiced their objections over my predictions, calling them useless. However, as so many other people predict what is going to happen at PPVS, I figured it wouldn’t do anyone any harm if I put out my views as well. So here goes . . .

WWF CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: SHAWN MICHAELS VS BRITISH BULLDOG: Michaels will win by disqualification after Mr. Perfect interferes, setting up a Michaels-Hennig championship bout for K.O.T.R. (hopefully, if McMahon has any sense).

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE CASKET MATCH: GOLDUST VS THE UNDERTAKER: At first I was going with Undi’. However, after having seen what’s been happening on RAW over the past few weeks, I’ve changed my mind. Look for GoldDust to retain the title and stuff the ‘Taker in the coffin following Mankind’s interference. Mark Callaway (Undertaker’s real name) will be so irate that he will challenge Mankind to a match at K.O.T.R.

CARIBBEAN STRAP MATCH: SAVIO VEGA VS ‘STUNNING BALD’ STEVE AUSTIN: There is no way in the world that McMahon will make Vega the Million Dollar Man’s chauffeur. Thus, unfortunately, Austin will find himself in a jobbing role. JOBBING TO KWANG!?! Austin deserves better! Get him in there with Michaels!

YOKOZUNA VS VADER: What’s the point in this match? Vader has already proved his superiority over the mammoth ‘Zuna, and I predict he will do it again here. Yoko’ will need more than a forklift to escort him from the building after Vader’s finished with him.

‘WILDMAN’ MARC MERO (w/SSSAAABBBBLLLLEEEEE!) VS HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY (w/some bird that will be nowhere near as gorgeous as SABLE): Whoever wins this match will be likely to walk away with SABLE (I wish I was in this match). Thus, I am predicting that Helmsley will have to job AGAIN. I like Mero, but I feel that HHH’s talent is being totally wasted. Don’t be surprised if Helmsley-Leveque takes a walk out the WWF door soon. I wouldn’t.

These are the only matches I know of at press time.

WHO WILL BE CROWNED KING?
Several of my fellow RING REPORT columnists have been trying to predict what will happen at K.O.T.R. Here I will provide my own King Of The Ring card:

WWF CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH – SHAWN MICHAELS VS MR. PERFECT: I predict that this match will DEFINITELY happen somewhere down the line, and hopefully at K.O.T.R., because Perfect has been watching Michaels’ matches very intently recently. I am assuming this is a build-up for a Hennig return. When/if he does return, he will return with a new manager . . . .JIM CORNETTE! Yes, I am predicting that Hennig will join Camp Cornette. Anyway, WHO WOULD WIN THIS MATCH IF IT TOOK PLACE? Michaels, by DQ, when VADER interferes, setting up a Michaels-Vader bout for Summerslam. This match will be the one that will make this year’s inaugural tourney 10 times better than last year’s offering. But that’s just my opinion. WINNER: Michaels by DQ

INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE CASKET MATCH: UNDERTAKER VS MANKIND: I am predicting that Callaway will challenge GOLDUST again on an edition of RAW and win the IC belt. He will then defend it against MANKIND at King Of The Ring in a Casket Match. GoldDust will try to influence the outcome of the match, but his interference will backfire and both he and Foley (Mankind) will find themselves in the dreaded casket, hence a successful title defense for the new IC Champion. Oh, and look for GoldDust and Mankind to form a tag team in the near future. WINNER: Undertaker when interference from GoldDust backfires

8 MAN TAG TEAM ELIMINATION MATCH: THE GODWINNS & THE SMOKING GUNNS VS THE  BODY DONNAS & THE NEW ROCKERS: This match should be signed to quell the rivalry between these teams. If this match did happen, I am predicting that after the New Rockers had been eliminated, one of the Body Donnas would pin a Smoking Gunn. The Gunns would blame the Godwinns for them being eliminated and attack them, turning heel. HOG and PIG would then be virtually defenseless, enabling The Body Donnas to win the match and gain a title shot. WINNERS: Body Donnas

KING OF THE RING PARTICIPANTS: ULTIMATE WARRIOR, VADER, MARC MERO, OWEN HART, SAVIO VEGA, STEVE AUSTIN, YOKOZUNA and BRITISH BULLDOG. FINAL MATCH: ULTIMATE WARRIOR VS VADER WINNER AND NEW KING: VADER!

VOTE UPDATE
The votes for the Sexiest Babe Poll stand as follows:-

SABLE: 6 votes
WOMAN: 1 vote
SUNNY: 8 votes
MISSY HYATT: 2 votes
BEULAH McGILLICUTTY: 0 votes
KIMONA WANALEIA: 2 votes
FRANCINE: 0 votes
ELIZABETH: 1 vote
BOOTIE BABE: 0 votes
BERTHA FAYE: 0 votes (Thank God . . . )
MEDUSA: 1 vote

Therefore, the rankings SO FAR look like this:-
1st Place: SUNNY
2nd Place: SABLE
3rd Place: MISSY HYATT and KIMONA WANALEIA (joint)
5th Place: ELIZABETH, MEDUSA and WOMAN (joint)

However, this could all change. There is still time to vote. I shall count up the final totals on June 1st (date extended by 1 day), so get those last minute votes into me quickly at the above address!

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!

THE GODWINNS are the new tag team champs! WHY?!? If there is a God, SUNNY and THE BODY DONNAS will win the belts back shortly, for I have a pistol ready at the side of my temple . . .

FANTASY FED!
If anyone would like to join my fantasy wrestling promotion, they can E-mail me for more details.

BTW, my brother would love to write to any fans of ALANIS MORISSETTE.

Feel free to pin me down with any comments and suggestions at the normal address. Over and out . . .

DAVE’S WORLD by DAVE WHITAKER
E-Mail: dwhitake@cody.gac.peachnet.edu
Yick. I don’t feel well at all. What a day!

I’d like to add two things to my list of things concerning what I’d do if I were in charge of WCW. The first one would be to either fire Elizabeth or turn her face by saying she was a “double agent” for the Mega Powers. She is a terrible heel. She couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag.

The second thing would be to do something different with Woman. Her current character is embarrassing. All she is right now is a cheerleader, and is being portrayed as weak and helpless. She used to be much better character and would be much better suited as a manager, not as a valet.

Now, here’s what I’d do if I were in charge of the WWF. First, I’d hire some more tag teams. I’m sorry, but there is something wrong with the tag team division if the Godwinns are champs.

Second, I’d let the Undertaker win the IC belt. GoldDust’s character’s gotten out of hand. They had to edit some of the last UT-GD incident on RAW. It’s been forever since UT’s had a belt, despite being a loyal worker and doing the job to help get heels over.

Next, I’d decide what I’m gonna do with the Ultimate Warrior. At first, I thought he was gonna immediately win a belt. Lately, he’s been on the back-burner. If he’s so unhappy, let him go.

I’d scrap Mankind’s character. It’s as bad an overacting job as GoldDust, and is about as believable as Bill Clinton having marital fidelity.

I would also never try the annoying practice of first signing matches, then trying to build angles to justify them. The angles that result from that practice usually suck majorily. Case in point, Shawn Michaels and British Bulldog.

That’s all I can think of. Comments or additions, write me.

THE STEEL CAGE by Jason Clevett. e-mail Jay<clevettl@cadvision.com>
A short article this week.

Demolition. The British Bulldogs. Hart Foundation. Strike Force. Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson. Legion of Doom. Money INC. Quebecers. Steiner Brothers. All teams who have held the WWF World Tag Title within the last decade. These teams are among the greatest the sport has ever seen. Sunday, May 19th all of those legends were disgraced when HENRY AND PHINEAS GODWINN WON THE TAG BELTS! Feel free to read that again. I’ll wait. Done? I am not surprised, just disgusted. The WWF has not had a really great Championship team since the Steiner Brothers. Yoko and Owen is the best they have had, and Diesel and Shawn was pretty solid. But compared to the names above, they are about as good as Horowitz and Hakushi. But we all knew the WWF tag scene was lousy, especially compared to WCW’S growing tag roster. But it has been a downhill slide since Quebecers lost the belts. Headshrinkers weren’t bad. It’s just in their brief reign they mostly defended against teams of two singles stars thrown together. Now the Smoking Gunns face Godwinns at the Free-For-All. If my memory is correct, Demolition, Money INC. and the Quebecers are the only teams to have been three time tag champs. I really hope the Smoking Gunns name isn’t added. A look at the current tag roster shows.

Bulldog & Owen
Bushwhackers
Techno Team 2000
Smokin Gunns
Bodydonnas
New Rockers
Godwinns.

Now of those 7 teams listed, only the Hart/Smith combo is really worthy of holding the tag straps. It shows that the WWF needs to take a long look at their tag situation. When weak teams like the New Rockers, Bodydonnas, Gunns and Godwinns are fighting for the belts, you know something is really wrong.
Till next time . . .

RINGWATCH WRESTLING VIEWPOINT by Jon Shetler Jr.
E-Mail: UFLL26A@prodigy.com
I may sound like a broken record, BUT ERIC BISCHOFF IS A IDIOT!!! I am so mad at BISCHOFF right now. First, he allows DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE to win the Lord Of The Ring. Then, this past Monday on NITRO, GENE OKERLUND announces that the WCW Executive Committee has taken away PAGE’S title shot against THE GIANT and instead, LEX LUGER will face THE GIANT at THE GREAT AMERICAN BASH in June.

What was the purpose of watching the SLAMBOREE PPV if the wrestler that won the Lord Of The Ring is not going to get the title shot??? Basically, I paid $24.95 to watch STING vs. THE GIANT because Battlebowl meant nothing. Further, if WCW wanted LUGER to face THE GIANT at the BASH, then why not let LUGER win the Lord Of The Ring in the first place??? This makes absolutely no sense to me!!!

This is the problem with WCW – there is no creativity!!! If they wanted to be creative, they should have said that since PAGE was eliminated from getting the title shot, then they would have another Battle Royal on NITRO next week, from the remaining wrestlers in the Battle Royal at Battlebowl, to determine the new #1 contender for the WCW TITLE.  The problem with this though is that there was no one else worthy of getting the title shot left in battlebowl.

Again, that is the problem with WCW. This might have been a cool angle if LEX LUGER had been one of the last eight wrestlers. Then, next week on NITRO, LUGER could have won the Battle Royal and then he would have been more of a legitimate #1 contender for the WCW TITLE. As of right now, why is LUGER the #1 contender for the WCW TITLE??? In my eyes, STING should be the one to get another crack at THE GIANT.

The WCW Title Situation is in a utter state of chaos. THE GIANT is the WCW CHAMPION and there are not a lot of quality opponents out there right now to defend against now that he has pinned STING. THE GIANT will be in clear sailing until KEVIN NASH and HULK HOGAN return to WCW. The US TITLE situation is pathetic. KONNAN offers nothing as the US CHAMP and I am praying that SCOTT HALL wins the belt from KONNAN and restore some much needed prestige to the US TITLE.

The TV TITLE is a joke right now because LUGER is the Champion and he never defends the belt. I am still trying to figure out why he has the belt in the first place??? The CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE is not needed.  MALENKO, GUERRERO, ARMSTRONG, BENOIT, etc. should be competing for the TV TITLE, instead of competing for another singles title.

The only bright light in WCW right now is the tag team ranks.  STING & LEX LUGER are the Tag Team Champions and there are many other fine tag teams in WCW to challenge in THE ROAD WARRIORS and THE STEINERS. I have said this many times, but I will say it again – we should have the US TAG TITLES instead of the CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE.

There are four quality tag teams that could compete on a high level for the US TAG TITLES in PUBLIC ENEMY, FIRE & ICE, FACES OF FEAR, and THE NASTY BOYS. Further, that leaves THE ROAD WARRIORS, STEINERS, and STING & LUGER to feud for the WORLD TAG TITLES. The strength in WCW is the tag team ranks.

WCW is so screwed up right now. HULK HOGAN’S absence has hurt WCW badly and the product is very poor right now. Also, with the apparent suspension of RANDY SAVAGE, WCW will be without two big stars for THE GREAT AMERICAN BASH PPV. I think WCW is in trouble right now because the WWF is starting to get their act together and they are getting on a major roll.

Anyone notice that RIC FLAIR got a lot of air time on NITRO???  I am wondering if this move was done to get people to watch NITRO because FLAIR was doing color commentary??? It was hysterical to see FLAIR and HEENAN interact on the broadcast. One final thing for WCW this week – I am sick and tired of hearing about the FOUR HORSEMAN. What FOUR HORSEMAN???  To me, THE FOUR HORSEMAN consists of RIC FLAIR, ARN ANDERSON, WOMAN, and ELIZABETH.

I would like to see more of MIKE TENAY in the WCW broadcast booth. TENAY is one of the more knowledgeable commentators in the business and he would be a tremendous addition to a weak WCW broadcast team. Adding TENAY to the NITRO cast would be a very smart move on the part of WCW.

Here is another bone for me to pick with WCW – Did RIC FLAIR lose all of his colored trunks, except for those awful green ones??? Has anyone told FLAIR that he looks awful in green??? FLAIR looks a lot better in the purple or the black than he does in those green trunks!!!

How many times are we going to see FLAIR vs. GUERRERO on NITRO?? ? It seems like at least once a month, we see these two on NITRO. Heck, I could get out one of my old NITRO tapes and run this match and it would be the same exact match as the one witnessed on Monday Night. How is NITRO going to remain interesting if we are going to see the same matches all of the time, especially now that NITRO is going to be a two hour show???

Speaking of the WWF, I like the way the WWF is getting the arena cards involved again in angles. The recent show at Madison Square Garden was a huge success for the WWF and I heard this was a better show than the SLAMBOREE PPV, which isn’t saying much. The WWF is drawing interest again in the arena cards because angles are being played out there. I am starting to get the urge to go to arena cards again.

I was surprised to see THE GODWINNS win the Tag Titles from THE BODYDONNAS. I am not sure what kind of title reign THE GODWINNS will have. I do not think that they will lose this Sunday Night to THE SMOKIN GUNNS at the Free For All Match prior to IN YOUR HOUSE 8. I look for the GUNNS to win the belts back, but not yet.

What a card for RAW next week!!! The two opening qualifying matches for the KING OF THE RING TOURNAMENT(WARRIOR vs. GOLDUST and JOHNSON vs. VADER) are the two best qualifying matches the WWF can run. I said last week that I thought that HELMSLEY was a lock to win KING OF THE RING.  Well, I think that was a incorrect assessment on my part. That is what makes the WWF so much fun to watch right now. You really do not know what is going to happen, except for MICHAELS keeping the WWF TITLE.

RAW is once again CLEARLY the best Monday Night Show. The MARC MERO-STEVE AUSTIN Match last week was very good and all of the other actions and angles played out were tremendously done. While NITRO is sagging without HOGAN and SAVAGE on the card, RAW is gaining steam and fully utilizing their talent. When was the last NITRO Show to draw high marks???

I do have one small bone to pick with MCMAHON. MCMAHON spoke of the despicable actions against Kuwait last week on RAW. I am not necessarily questioning MCMAHON’S sincerity, however it was MCMAHON that got a lot of mileage of an angle where SGT. SLAUGHTER was a traitor to the United States and was a full supporter of SADDAM HUSSEIN. It was HUSSEIN that caused all of the actions that led to the Persian Gulf War. If I remember correctly, MCMAHON got a WRESTLEMANIA VII Main Event out of SLAUGHTER as WWF CHAMPION because of the Persian Gulf War. It just seems hypocritical for MCMAHON to be compassionate to a nation that he, in part, exploited to make money for his company.

GOLDUST is in the midst of a major push by the WWF. He may win KING OF THE RING to earn the title shot at SUMMERSLAM against MICHAELS. Do not look for GOLDUST to drop the IC TITLE until at least September. I am merely speculating, but how about a KING OF THE RING final with AHMED JOHNSON vs. GOLDUST??? I think JOHNSON will defeat VADER next week on RAW by DQ.  I also look for JOHNSON to defeat GOLDUST for the IC TITLE after SUMMERSLAM.  AHMED is getting a push again in the WWF and it is only a matter of time until he gets the IC TITLE.

I look for the BRITISH BULLDOG to turn face after IN YOUR HOUSE 8 and look for a VADER-BULLDOG feud leading up to KING OF THE RING. DAVEY BOY has been a tremendous heel in the WWF, but there is not much left to do with him after he loses to MICHAELS’ at IN YOUR HOUSE 8. A face turn makes sense and a feud with VADER makes even more sense.

I am getting excited because we may see a WARRIOR-VADER feud for SUMMERSLAM. This is one of the matches in wrestling that I would pay to see by itself. This is such a tremendous match-up and they will meet at Madison Square Garden in August, prior to SUMMERSLAM. I hope that MCMAHON pulls the trigger on the VADER-WARRIOR feud and match for SUMMERSLAM.

It looks like CURT HENNIG is ready to return to the ring. I think now that he will face MICHAELS at KING OF THE RING. I hope that is the match and I hope that HENNIG still has something left in the ring because this could be another outstanding match-up. The MICHAELS-HENNIG feud may last beyond KING OF THE RING. I would not be surprised if you saw a HENNIG-MICHAELS rematch at IN YOUR HOUSE 9 in July.

MANKIND’S actions on RAW were once again tremendously hysterical. The problem with MANKIND is not his gimmick – it is his wrestling style in the ring. If MANKIND wrestled the way CACTUS JACK can wrestle, then I would love the MANKIND gimmick even more.

I was so happy to see SAVIO VEGA tied up in the Caribbean Strap and forced to wear the chauffeur hat. I do not like SAVIO VEGA. I hope that AUSTIN wins the match with VEGA this Sunday Night. However, I do not think that is going to happen.

One final WWF thought this week – I guess that MCMAHON is trying to create the WWF’S version of PUBLIC ENEMY in GANGSTAS IN PARADISE. MCMAHON did a similar thing a decade ago when he formed DEMOLITION as a imitation of THE ROAD WARRIORS. DEMOLITION turned out great for the WWF and they carved out their own niche over time. Lets see if GANGSTAS IN PARADISE can be more than just PE imitators.

Looking at ECW this week, it looks like BILL ALPHONSO may be putting together a stable of his own. ALPHONSO already manages TAZ and it looks like ALPHONSO may start guiding ROB VAN DAM. There is also the potential for a reunion with SHANE DOUGLAS. ALPHONSO is one of the best characters in wrestling today and his act is truly hysterical to watch week after week!!!

I am wondering when TAZ is going to get a push for the ECW TITLE. TAZ has been laying out wrestler after wrestler ever since his heel turn at the end of 1995. It seems only a matter of time before TAZ gets a shot at ECW gold.

ECW again shows why they are one of the most exciting wrestling leagues to watch. At the last ECW Show, they ran a Triangle Match for the ECW TITLE between RAVEN, THE SANDMAN, and PIT BULL 2. This match was very good and there was a lot of fine maneuvers done in the match. Also, it was great to see all of the valets(MISSY HYATT, MS. PATRICIA, and FRANCINE) get involved in the match.

ECW is going to run a match called Double Title Shot – Extreme Battle Royal. The winner of this Battle Royal will face RAVEN for the ECW TITLE that same night. What makes this Battle Royal unique is that the runner-up in the Battle Royal will get a shot at the ECW TV TITLE the same night!!! When was the last time anyone has seen this type of match??? That is why I say that for pure excitement, go to and/or watch an ECW Show and you will see why I think ECW is more exciting to watch right now than WCW!!!

That concludes this week’s RINGWATCH WRESTLING VIEWPOINT. Amongst the topics I will discuss next week is the IN YOUR HOUSE 8 PPV!!!

THE RIGHT VIEW by Jim Sondergeld
E-Mail: JSondergel@aol.com
BATTLEBOWL FIRST ROUND:

Road Warrior Animal/Booker T vs. Road Warrior Hawk/Lex Luger (double
count-out): C.
Public Enemy defeated Kevin Sullivan/Chris Benoit: B.
Brutis Beefcake/Rick Steiner defeated Craig Pittman/Scott Steiner:
B.
Jim Duggan/Mike Rotundo defeated Steve Regal/David Taylor: C.
Dick Slater/Bobby Eaton defeated Alex Wright/Disco Inferno: C.
Dallas Page/Barbarian defeated Hugh Morris/Meng: B.
Fire & Ice defeated Bubba Rogers/Stevie Ray: B.
Ric Flair/Randy Savage defeated Arn Anderson/Eddie Guerrero: B.

Dean Malenko pinned Brad Armstrong (retained WCW cruiserweight
title): B.

BATTLEBOWL SECOND ROUND:

Dick Slater/Bobby Eaton defeated Jim Duggan/Mike Rotundo: C.
Public Enemy defeated Ric Flair/Randy Savage: F.
Dallas Page/Barbarian defeated Brutis Beefcake/Rick Steiner: C.

Konnan pinned Jushin Thunder Liger (retained U.S. title): A.

BATTLEBOWL: C.

Giant pinned Sting: B.

Intangibles: D.

OVERALL GRADE: C+

YTD PPV SCORE <on 4-point scale>: WCW 2.32, WWF 1.75.

* * *

What does he mean by intangibles, you may be asking at this point. If you’re not asking this, I’ll ask it for you, and provide the answer as a bonus. See how much I do for you?

The term actually encompasses a number of less than satisfactory aspects to this latest WCW PPV. Let’s take them one at a time.

1) Of the thirty-two men entered in the Lethal Lottery, fourteen were exclusive tag-team wrestlers (the Road Warriors, the Steiners, Public Enemy, the Blue Bloods, Fire & Ice, the Faces of Fear, Harlem Heat), two were bookers (Kevin Sullivan, Arn Anderson), four were cruiser weights (Chris Benoit, Alex Wright, Disco Inferno, Eddie Guerrero), and nine were mid-carders (Craig Pittman, Brutis Beefcake, Steve Regal, Jim Duggan, Mike Rotundo, Dick Slater, Dallas Page, Hugh Morris, Bubba Rogers). That presumably left the three men in the running to be dubbed #1 contender to the WCW World title: Lex Luger, Ric Flair, and Randy Savage. Only problem was that Luger was eliminated in the first match, and Flair and Savage had another meltdown. What to do? Elevate Dallas Page, late of Skid Row, at “random.”

Except that the world will never be ready for WCW World Champion Dallas Page, and doesn’t want another squash match with the Giant that shouldn’t even make a Nitro card. So the promotion provided an out by having Page tossed over the top rope, touching the floor, but without the referee seeing it. The cameras were a different story, naturally, and the next night WCW striped Page of the title shot at the Great American Bash and gave it to Luger instead. Which made the entire Lethal Lottery/Battlebowl extravaganza a complete waste of time. Want a refund from Eric Bischoff? Good luck.

2) Will there be no end to Ric Flair’s tormenting of Randy Savage? I say this not out of any partisanship for Savage or against Flair (that bias goes without saying), but because I am sick past death of this angle. For four months we have seen, week after week, month after month, the Denture Boy oozing oral fluids up and down Elizabeth’s arms, conspicuously living high on the hog off of “Macho Man’s money,” including tossing bills to the four winds of markdom, and taunting Savage relentlessly. And Savage, for his part, has gone berserk for the past dozen Nitros or so, committed a weekly atrocity, and been dragged away by the cops. The only new wrinkle has been the squad of doughnut- scarfers cordoning off the arena door to keep Savage out (Geez, why doesn’t he ever go in the back door, for crying out loud? Or show up in disguise? Flair crashed Uncensored I in drag, after all). I desperately hoped the Slamboree would bring a conclusion, ANY conclusion, as ppvs are supposed to provide.

Nope. Just more of the same: more taunting, more Liz-licking, another Savage attack, and a Horsemen gang beating of the Macho Man for humiliation’s sake. It is the Unconsummatable Feud That Wouldn’t Leave.

3) Didn’t Slamboree used to be the event at which WCW inducted new members into its Hall of Fame? Why stop the practice? H3ll, even the WWF does it, and a lot more graciously, I might add. Though it’ll be interesting to see if Vincy ever brings himself to honor Savage and Hulk Hogan as they so richly deserve.

4) Increasingly conspicuous by his absence is the aforementioned Hulkster, off (finally) shooting his latest contribution to box office ordnance. It’s almost as if Flair and Savage are marking time in place until Hogan returns.

But the more significant Hogan connection is with the Giant Champion, whose defeat of Sting denied the latter the World title he deserves yet again. With this, and another Giant-Lex Luger match coming up at GAB in which Luger will again be massacred, and with Ric Flair already having been beaten by the Giant to get him the belt, who will be left in WCW to challenge him? This is the grand bull moose gold medal winner of rhetorical questions. Remember Hogan’s last Nitro appearance, when the Giant came out, chokeslammed him, and then Hogan got up, hulked up, and slammed him in return? That was foreshadowing if there ever was such a thing.

It’ll be a shame if that happens. The Giant’s work has not only improved immensely, both in the ring and in interviews, but, like Diesel last year, he takes on all comers, both face and heel. He has a kind of Road Warriors/Vader/Nikita Koloff aura, a wrestler who is so awesome and so good at what he does that he transcends face/heel labels and the angle de jour. And when Diesel (no doubt the subject of those “Blood Runs Cold” segments) arrives in WCW next month, a feud between him and the Giant would be a tremendous spectacle to behold.

Hulk Hogan is a lot like the Undertaker: you just can’t get rid of him. But there is still room for him in Ted Turner’s domain (Let’s face it, anywhere Hogan wants to go there’s going to be room). Just not as World champion.

Time will tell if Eric Bischoff notices the handwriting on the wall.

NOTES FROM THE MAD DOG
E-Mail: MADDOGJMF@aol.com

There are some things in life that you have to speak out about, tonight I have the uneasy task of speaking out on such things *twice* in one column.  Keeping in mind the 1 page limit to columns, I’ll keep this rant fairly short and to the point.

For the past couple of weeks the WWF has made a big deal about their recent tour of Kuwait. These segments were overly-patriotic, reminding us all of how we all fought the great Gulf War in order to get peace for the country and to protect the bastion of democracy known as Kuwait. The promos and ads make it seem like the WWF was on a good-will mission to some sort of battered country  whose people desperately needed the uplift that only the superstars of the WWF could bring.

God bless ya if you fell for that line.  I was skeptical and rolled my eyes the first time I heard Vince McMahon intone heavily patriotic words in describing what the WWF did in Kuwait.  My eyes were still rolling when I read the press release in the WWF area on AOL gloating over the record attendance and profits from that very same tour.

Yes folks, this wasn’t a tour of “goodwill,” this was a tour sponsored by some of the largest companies in the middle east with one goal in mind — MAKE A SERIOUS PROFIT.  For all they hype about democracy and “making things right” the WWF was not above lining its wallet with those “poor suffering people” of the middle east.  That folks, is hypocrisy.

I thought it ended there, I thought the WWF wouldn’t or couldn’t sink lower than that.  Well, until I saw the Warrior promo . . .

If you haven’t seen it yet, the WWF is now running commercials featuring a man attempting to cheat a blind newspaper vendor out of 4 dollars.  He doesn’t because he sees the artistic rendering of the Ultimate Warrior’s face paint in the background.  The guy walks off and the vendor tells the next guy that the first guy found some sort of “way of the warrior.”

The Warrior posed as some sort of upstanding character who stands up for “truth, justice, and yadda, yadda, yadda.”  I’m sitting here laughing my head off over this one.  If you haven’t been following the Independent scene over the last couple of years while the Warrior has been missing from you WWF TV, well you’ve missed a man who has a less than stellar record of showing up for cards, no-showing all over the country and walking out on cards over reason so petty as his name did not appearing on the marquee to his liking.

If this is the WWF’S idea of some sort of American Patriot, someone to have your kids look up to, then I’m afraid of what the future holds for the WWF.  Their own BOB BACKLUND describes things he finds fault in as “QUAGMIRES OF HYPOCRISY.”  Hopefully he’ll direct this discription to his higher ups when thinking of these situations during this memorial day weekend before both issues expose some unwanted light on the new “American Patriot” image of the WWF.

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

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FINE PRINT & DISCLAIMERS: The Ring Report TV Update is (c) 1996 Mad Dog Bytes Computers. All names, events, etc., are trademarks of their respective leagues. Mad Dog Bytes Computes puts out this report as a free publication, put out by fans for fans, and if your federation has a problem with being carried — please contact me immediately at maddogjmf@aol.com. Mad Dog Bytes Computers is not responsible for the opinions or claims of our columnists, all columns are the responsibility of the columnists and if you have an issue with the columnist please e-mail them directly. While The Ring Report is (c) 1996 Mad Dog Bytes Computers we do grant permission for you to reprint this on e-mail lists or in physical form in it’s entirety as long as no money is made off of the reprints and the issue is reprinted intact with all proper attributions to the sources of the reports. Brett Schwan really really thinks that he’s got a life. He doesn’t. End of story!
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Ring Report Generic Web site: http://www.gstand.com/WRESTLE/RReport
Maddogjmf Generic Web site: http://www.gstand.com/Wrestle/ARF

“MAD DOG” JAMES M. FINCH, Editor in Chief, Nitro, Raw and sometimes
Flashback Reporter: MADDOGJMF@AOL.COM

NOTE: If you’re on AOL you can now see the Ring Report’s weekly coverage of MONDAY NIGHT RAW, NITRO and WCW SATURDAY NIGHT shortly after the shows wrap-up.  Use keyword GS WRESTLING and select the wrestling area.  On the main wrestling screen click on the icon for the Ring Report.  From there just click on the icon for NEXT week’s issue and you should see the reports come in w/in minutes of the wrap ups of the shows.
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