The Ring Report TV Update, Vol. 4, Issue #49, March 29, 1999
(“second week of being 100% Brambilla free and damn proud of it!”)
WWF WRESTLEMANIA 3/28/99
WHAT YOU MISSED: BOYS 2 MEN sing AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL . . . FREDDIE BLASSIE does a voice over for a great promo for Wrestlemania. KEVIN NASH could learn from this . . . AL SNOW vs. HARDCORE HOLLY vs. BILLY GUNN — WWF HARDCORE TITLE — 3 WAY DANCE: Hardcore Holly pins Snow in a lackluster match . . . D’LO BROWN & TEST vs. JEFF JARRETT & OWEN HART — WWF WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES: This match was made on HEAT as D’Lo and Test were the last two guys in the ring at the end of a battle royale. Jarrett pins D’Lo after Test goes outside the ring to argue with everyone. He doesn’t even notice that the match ends. D’Lo and Test end up brawling . . . BUTTERBEAN vs. BART GUNN — BRAWL FOR ALL: Butterbean wins in a first round knock out of Gunn . . . comments from MANKIND . . . MANKIND vs. PAUL WIGHT — WINNER TO BE REF. IN MAIN EVENT: Wight loses by DQ when he chokeslams Mankind through a steel folding chair. VINCE MCMAHON comes out. McMahon yells at Wight for screwing up again. Wight goes to chokeslam McMahon but lets him down. McMahon goes off on him again and warns him not to screw up again. McMahon slaps him. He punches McMahon and lays him out with one punch. JERRY BRISCO & PAT PATTERSON come to the ring to help out. Mankind is carried to the back on a stretcher. Patterson & Brisco help Vince to the back. As soon as they get there McMahon orders them to find him a phone so he can have Wight arrested . . . VAL VENIS vs. GOLDUST vs. KEN SHAMROCK vs. JESSE JAMES — WWF I-C TITLE — 4 CORNERS ELIMINATION MATCH: Ken Shamrock and Venis are counted out. RYAN SHAMROCK hooks Goldust’s leg. He turns around to see what happened. Road Dog attacks him from behind and gets the pin. Goldust and THE BLUE MEANIE yell at Ryan Shamrock and she leaves alone . . . the police have Paul Wight and put him in a police car . . .KANE vs. HUNTER HEARST HELMSLY: THE SAN DIEGO CHICKEN attacks Kane but is unmasked to be PETE ROSE. Rose, much like last year at WRESTLEMANIA, is taken out with a tombstone piledriver. CHYNA comes to the ring. Chyna brings a chair in and tells Kane to let her attack HHH. She attacks Kane instead. Kane goes to attack her and HHH attacks him with the chair. HHH pedigrees Kane on a chair. HHH and Chyna embrace . . . KEVIN KELLY with VINCE MCMAHON. McMahon says that now that Wight is gone and Mankind is at the hospital, he’s going to be the guest ref. . . . TORRIE vs. SABLE — WWF WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP: NICOLLE BASS attacks Torrie while the ref. is was bumped and out. Sable wins with the Sablebomb . . . comments from DX . . . X-PAC vs. SHANE MCMAHON — WWF EUROPEAN TITLE: JERRY BRISCO & PAT PATTERSON attack X-PAC on the way to the ring. TEST is at ringside and attacks X-Pac behind the ref.’s back. Test attacks X-Pac with the championship belt. Shane crawls over to cover X-Pac for a 2 and a half count. Shane goes to hit the bronco buster but misses. Test comes into the ring but gets kicked out by X-Pac. DX come out and pull Test away. Hunter Hearst Helmsly attacks X-Pac and puts Shane on top of X-Pac for the win. THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS hit the ring to make the save but get taken out. The lights go out. Kane’s music starts up. Kane walks to the ring and chases off everyone . . . THE UNDERTAKER vs. THE BIG BOSSMAN — HELL IN THE CELL: Bossman handcuffs the Undertaker to the cell then gets a nightstick. Undertaker falls and the Handcuff breaks. Undertaker eventually wins with a tombstone. THE BROOD grapple down from the ceiling. They break into the cell from the top and put a hangman’s noose down through the hole that they created. The Undertaker puts it around the Bossman’s neck as the Brood go up to the ceiling. PAUL BEARER pushes the button to lift the cell up and the Bossman is taken up by his neck. The lights go out . . . JIM ROSS comes out to announce the main event . . . STEVE AUSTIN vs. ROCKY MIAVIA — WWF WORLD TITLE: VINCE MCMAHON comes out to be the referee. SHAWN MICHAELS comes out. He says he had to buy his own ticket to be there. He says that Vince has to read the rule book. He says that it states in the WWF rule book that only 1 man can appoint special officials at Wrestlemania — the Commissioner. He orders McMahon to the back. McMahon refuses to go. Michaels says that the Corporation is barred from ringside. He says that if the Corporation breaks the rules he’ll take on McMahon outside the arena. Ref. bump. Rock attacks Austin with a chair. 2nd ref. comes in and it’s a 2 count of Rock on Austin. A couple of minutes later Rock does the Rock Bottom on the second ref. and Austin hits Rock with the Stunner. EARL HEBNER runs in and it’s a two count. Vince McMahon goes to ringside. Austin gets a chair. McMahon taunts Austin. Rocky low blows Austin. McMahon gets in the ring. McMahon hits the ref. McMahon and Rocky attack Austin. MANDKIND staggers to the ring. Mankind attacks McMahon. Rock attacks Mankind. Austin gets the Rock and it’s a 2 and a half count with Mankind as the ref. Austin comes back and Rock reverses and comes back with the Rock Bottom. Rock refuses to pin him then goes for the Corporate Elbow. He misses. Rock goes for the Rock Bottom again but gets stunned. Mankind counts the pinfall and we have a new champion. After the match Austin and Earl Hebner share a beer while Vince McMahon hobbles around. McMahon gets in Austin’s face. He says that he owns the belt. Austin attacks McMahon. Austin gives McMahon a stone cold stunner then gets another couple of beers and pours them on McMahon . . .
WWF SUNDAY NIGHT HEAT 3/28/99
WHAT YOU MISSED: VINCE MCMAHON comes out with PAUL WIGHT. He announces that the WWF WORLD TITLE match tonight between ROCKY MIAVIA and STEVE AUSTIN will be no DQ. Wight says that he’s going to destroy MANKIND tonight . . . IVORY w/D’LO BROWN vs. JACKIE w/TERRI RUNNELS: Quick win for Jackie. After the match Terri shoves a cigar in Ivory’s face. TORRIE makes the save of Ivory . . . DX arrives . . . DX goes to the ring for an interview . . . comments from ROCKY MIAVIA . . . BATTLE ROYALE — LAST 2 MEN GET SHOT AT OWEN HART & JEFF JARRETT: everyone goes after PUBLIC ENEMY first and they’re instantly eliminated. TEST & D’LO BROWN win but are immediately attacked by OWEN HART & JEFF JARRETT . . . a look at the situation between THE UNDERTAKER and VINCE MCMAHON . . . comments from THE BIG BOSSMAN. The lights go out and THE UNDERTAKER’S voice threatens the Bossman. The lights come back up and THE BROOD attack the Bossman and give him a bloodbath . . . Paul Wight is destroying the back stage area . . . a look at the problems between THE CORPORATION and STEVE AUSTIN . . . MANKIND arrives at the building. He goes by Wight, who is watching the entrance and the two brawl. While they’re brawling, Steve Austin goes . . .
WCW THUNDER 3/25/99
WHAT YOU MISSED: it’s announced that RIC FLAIR will defend the WCW WORLD TITLE to BARRY WINDHAM tonight . . . JERRY FLYNN over SCOTTY RIGGS . . . a look at the break up of SCOTT STEINER & BUFF BAGWELL . . . MIKE ENOS fell to WRATH . . . CHRIS ADAMS fell to FIT FINLAY . . . BLITZKRIEG fell to BILLY KIDMAN . . . HORACE HOGAN over KAZ HAYASHI . . . BOOKER T over SATURN in a WCW WORLD TV TITLE match . . . BARRY WINDHAM vs. RIC FLAIR — WCW WORLD TITLE: Flair has the figure four on Windham. ARN ANDERSON comes to the ring and pulls Windham to the ropes. The ref. makes the break. No ending to the match other than Anderson & Windham leaving together . . .
WCW MONDAY NITRO 3/22/99
WHAT YOU MISSED: BULL PAYNE fell to VAN HAMMER . . . a look at REY MISTERIO JR. winning the CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE from BILLY KIDMAN . . . an interview with Rey Misterio Jr. . . . a spring break video . . . an interview with THE DISCO INFERNO . . . a replay of Disco starring in KONNAN’S video . . . a look at the break up of BUFF BAGWELL & SCOTT STEINER . . . and you too can order KONNAN’S T-shirt . . . a look at FIT FINLAY searching out RICK STEINER . . . an interview with CHASTITY & HARDCORE HAK. People start chanting for BILL GOLDBERG. Hak demands Goldberg in the ring . . . EL DANDY, SILVER KING, PSYCHOSIS & UNKNOWN GUY IN A MIL MASCARAS MASK vs. LA PARKA, SUPER CALO, LIZMARK JR. & DAMIAN: Masked unknown guy pins Damian . . .a look at the competition for MR. WCW MONDAY NITRO. Yup, another lame spring break segment . . . JJ DILLION with RIC FLAIR. Flair says he’s going to challenge the entire company. Lottery style with a mid-card Cruiserweight winning . . . MIKE TENEY & DUSTY RHODES. Rhodes is now a “consultant” for WCW. Rhodes says he was promised a job as “Commissioner” and color commentator (replacing LARRY ZYBSZKO or MIKE TENEY). Rhodes says that the bad blood was put aside with Ric Flair. Rhodes wants to know if Flair has a problem with him . . . GENE OKERLUND with RIC FLAIR. RAVEN comes out and Flair puts Raven in a match against CHRIS BENOIT & DEAN MALENKO. Flair reveals the whole lotto thing. It would have gone over better if they didn’t ruin it with the segment before. There’s no surprise here . . . FIT FINLAY fell to RICK STEINER . . . NITRO GIRLS . . . EL VAMPIRO fell to JUVENTUD GUERRERA . . . they bring out the winner of the MS. NITRO CONTEST. She can barely talk. KEVIN NASH, HOLLYWOOD HOGAN & a bunch of bikini babes come out. They stage the “NWO MS. SPRING BREAK” contest. They stop the contest when they can’t find the 8th girl. With stuff like this, no wonder why they lose the ratings every week. DAVID FLAIR escorts TORRIE WILSON out to be the 8th girl. Oh boy. BTW, Kevin Nash wants you to know he’s a face now. ::rolls eyes at this mess:: Torrie wins the contest. Nash disses SABLE . . . HARDCORE HAK does the hardcore job to BILL GOLDBERG . . . Gene Okerlund with BRET HART. Hart wants to wrestle. Okerlund would like to see Hart vs. HOLLYWOOD HOGAN. Okerlund would like to see Hart vs. KEVIN NASH. Okerlund would like to see Hart vs. BILL GOLDBERG. Hart goes off on all of them. Hart says that Goldberg hasn’t had competition and that he could beat Goldberg in 5 minutes . . . NITRO GIRLS dress up like WCW/NWO stars. I’m afraid. Very very afraid. Ratings low? Oh yah . . . HORACE HOGAN vs. VINCENT: STEVIE RAY comes out and pushes Horace forward while Horace is on the ropes. Vincent then rolls up Horace for the win. Ray attacks Vincent. BRYAN ADAMS attacks Horace. Adams and Ray argue . . . THE HORSEMEN & JJ DILLION in the ring. They pick a name out of the spinning wheel. They draw #23. It’s ED DANDY but El Dandy was injured earlier so he gives his number to REY MISTERIO JR. Rey ignores RIC FLAIR’S warnings not to take the match . . . RAVEN vs. CHRIS BENOIT & DEAN MALENKO — WCW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES: The Horsemen destroy Raven. SATURN comes out to help Raven. Turns into Raven & Saturn vs. Benoit & Malenko. In the end Saturn has Benoit in the rings of Saturn when Raven and Malenko both run in with title belts. The ref. throws the match out . . . SCOTT STEINER ramble. I fastforward. Turns into Steiner vs. CHRIS JERICHO. They make a big point that Steiner and Buff Bagwell have split up. Of course they’ve split up before and it was one big hoax but we wouldn’t remember that. The commentators don’t. Steiner wins with the Steiner Recliner . . . REY MISTERIO JR. vs. RIC FLAIR: A It looked like a DQ of Flair for ARN ANDERSON pulling Rey off of him when he was trying to get the pinfall, but CHARLES ROBINSON awarded the match to Flair. Flair then fell into the pool . . .
WWF MONDAY NIGHT RAW 3/22/99
WHAT YOU MISSED: STEVE AUSTIN arrives at the building . . . ROCKY MIAVIA & VINCE & SHANE MCMAHON come out. Shane challenges X-PAC to a brawl outside the arena tonight. Vince says that THE UNDERTAKER & STEVE AUSTIN are in cahoots. Austin is watching on the TV monitor in the back as THE ROCK gets on the microphone. Vince appoints the Rock as the special ref. for PAUL WIGHT vs. STEVE AUSTIN. MANKIND comes out and challenges the Rock to a match with the winner getting the right to be the ref. for that match. The Rock refuses. Mankind says he got COMMISSIONER SHAWN MICHAELS to order a Rock vs. Mankind match with the winner to be the ref. tonight for the main event. STEVE AUSTIN drives a COORS LIGHT truck into the arena and nearly knocks over the TITONTRON. Austin gets on top of the truck and says that the WWF Title is his no matter who the ref. is for WRESTLEMANIA. Austin gets a hose out of the back of the truck and sprays everyone with Beer . . . a “JR IS WAR” frat party with JIM ROSS & STEVE WILLIAMS . . . THE BROOD vs. OWEN HART & JEFF JARRETT — WWF WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES: PUBLIC ENEMY run in and attack everyone. The lights go red and DEBRA gets a bloodbath . . . an interview with THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS . . . SHANE MCMAHON gets ready for his rumble tonight . . . BILLY GUNN vs. JESSE JAMES — WWF IC vs. WWF HARDCORE TITLE: AL SNOW, GOLDUST & VAL VENIS attack both guys. The Outlaws stand together and the match is thrown out . . . JERRY BRISCO & PAT PATTERSON are getting Vince coffee when they’re approached by someone as we fade to commercial . . . Brisco & Patterson & a ref. were attacked by THE LEGION OF DOOM w/PAUL ELLERING during the break . . . THE BLUE MEANIE comes out and wants RYAN SHAMROCK in the ring. She comes out. He tries to spank her. KEN SHAMROCK makes the save. GOLDUST then attacks ken Shamrock from behind. Ken Shamrock puts the ankle lock on Goldust but Meanie hits him with a chair. Meanie & Ryan help Goldust back to the dressing room . . . back at the JR IS WAR frat party . . . MIDIAN & THE ACOLYTES arrive . . . VINCE MCMAHON berates JERRY BRISCO for not bringing him coffee . . . IVORY vs. SABLE: PMS come out to harass D’LO BROWN. TERRI RUNNELS slaps D’LO. JACKIE pull’s Ivory’s leg. Sablebomb and it’s over. TORRIE runs in. Sable kicks her then ties her up in the ropes. Torrie kicks her off and gets free then goes to work on her. The ref. pulls her off of Sable and Sable gets out of the ring . . . MANKIND vs. THE ROCK — winner to be the special ref. for the main event: ref. bump. Mankind goes to hit with MR. SOCKO but PAUL WIGHT STOPS him and chokeslams him in front of the ref. The ref. calls for the bell. Rocky loses and Mankind will be the ref. in the main event . . . KANE vs. GOLDUST: Goldust shoots Kane with a flame thrower then takes off his wig to reveal that he’s HUNTER HEARST HELMSLY . . . SHANE MCMAHON vs. X-PAC — street fight: All of Shane’s preppie friends jump X-Pac then they all run off to their cars and drive away . . . TEST, KEN SHAMROCK & THE BIG BOSSMAN vs. THE UNDERTAKER & THE ACOLYTES: the lights go out after a brawl and we go to commercial . . . VINCE MCMAHON comes out. He introduces Rocky Miavia as guest commentator. He introduces PAUL WIGHT. MANKIND comes out. Mankind orders Rocky out of the ring as STEVE AUSTIN comes out. Mankind attacks Wight when Wight is going to get Austin outside the ring. Wight goes in the ring after Mankind. Austin takes the turnbuckle cover off. Austin gets thrown into the turnbuckle. Austin uses a chair to set Wight up for a stunner and gets a quick count from Mankind for the win. Wight goes after Mankind outside the ring while the Rock goes after Austin inside the ring . . .
NOTES FROM THE MAD DOG
It’s Sunday, a little before Wrestlemania. I’m sitting at my computer desk fast forwarding through Thunder again. So far Kidman vs. Blitzkrieg was okay and I’m in the middle of Booker T vs. Saturn. I’m starting to realize that this show will never improve. Week after week I fast forward through it and week after week this is the show doesn’t matter.
I have this feeling, Thunder, like WCW Saturday Night, is one of those shows that WCW is obligated to produce for Turner. It doesn’t seem to matter what’s on them as long as they fill 2 hours in prime time, Turner is happy. I can sit here and whine about how the tradition of WCW Saturday Night from Childhood memories (ah back in the days when it was cool to hate the Horsemen), or what Thunder could be if they tried this or that but really, there’s no point to it because they’re not listening and this is a show they’re obligated to do by contract and nothing else.
The sad this is that with so much dead time (throw in the first hour of Nitro while I’m thinking of it), and the incompetent booking these days on the show that matters (the 9-11 slot on Nitro), they show a product that not a lot of people are going to support because a) WCW obviously doesn’t care about anything but that 9-11 slot and b) we’ve seen 90% of the matches before.
“Been there, seen that” means a lot with WCW. In the WWF as I look to Wrestlemania I’ve seen a lot of the guys on the card face each other before. Steve Austin vs. the Rock tonight, for example, been there and done that a couple of times now — but what has me buying the PPV is the fact that everyone knows that they’re going to throw in a zinger to make the match special and *different* from what has gone on before with the two guys. With WCW? Kidman vs. Blitzkrieg? Rey Jr. vs. Juventud? Good matches, mind you, but been there done that a million times already and nothing new comes out of it.
They compound it by blabbing on and on about what is going to happen in the 2 hour slot that matters (such as showing Ric Flair set up the little lotto event on Nitro), and they ruin any surprises you’re going to get by actually watching. If they want to turn off viewers, this is exactly how to do it.
That’s my last rant on WCW for a while. I may pepper my reports with comments from time to time but I’m going to give them 4 issues then return to WCW to see what’s going on after that time.
Now onto the this and that news. Right now I’m waiting for good old Sears to get my laptop in. I finally broke down and bought one since I’m on the road so much driving my dad to doctor appointments. I’ve already bought a USB network to link my main machine with the new one and I’m really looking forward to the changes a laptop is going to bring.
One of the big ones — no longer being chained to a desk. As most of you know, I work from home for a major on-line service (my NDA prevents me from saying anything more about my job), and 12 or 14 hour days 5 days a week at the same computer desk has been driving me stir crazy for a while. I honestly can’t wait to be able to sit in bed in type up reports on shows. Since my hand writing has deteriorated to the point of painful scribbling it’s been impossible to do that for a couple of years now. I’m a lazy bastard at heart, so hopefully this will be a good change.
Another one is the working on the refresh of our website. I can’t believe that I’ve been doing web pages since 1995 now. While I’m no longer doing big things such as the ECW Web page I’m still on the web and very much involved with the Wrestling ClothesLINE web site (http://wrestlingclothesline.webjump.com). If you liked any of my designs for the ECW Web site way back when, check out the clothesline site. It’s a lot of fun to do and hopefully, the Ring Report’s return will be just as fun to do.
On that note, it’s nearly 7 and time for Heat. Take care all and . . .
HAVE A GREAT WEEK!
The Ring Report TV Update is published weekly on RSPWI. It is now available via subscription by sending a “SUBSCRIBE” message to email@example.com. We do accept tv & house show report submissions as well as column submissions (as long as the columns are short), and all should be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org. All reports are (c) 1999 MAD DOG BYTES COMPUTERS and not for reuse or retransmission without permission.