12:17 AM
So it’s late again, I’m watching “American Beauty” on Cinemax and kicking myself for not buying more video tape. It’s the second half of a Mena Suvari double header on Cinemax. The first half was “loser” and that turned out to be a pretty good movie. I mean it wasn’t the greatest thing on earth, but for goodness sake it was better than the new “Planet of the Apes.” Oh don’t ask, please don’t ask. I won’t give spoilers but I’ll say a couple of things.
I was a fan of the movie until I met my friend Kevin. Kevin is the superfan of apes. For the past 10 months we’ve heard nothing from him other than apes this and apes that. URLs to web sites, articles, day in and day out you name it. Secretly, I was hoping that it was going to be a good movie. I wanted it to be a good movie. I wanted nothing more than that. But the day came and Tim Burton’s twisted, warped, idiotic mind … destroyed the franchise with a tacked on ending that ruined any chances of that.
No spoiler warnings. If you read a review you’ll learn more about it than what I’ve said. Maybe you’ll go and read and figure something out about it that I haven’t seen. Mind you, I liked the original movie. I thought it was a thoughtful social commentary. I thought the apes were so much like humans that it was exploring the human condition and the inhuman nature we create by using the apes of caricatures of humanity. The whole idea of god creating man in his image and man creating ape in ours fascinated me.
So what if Charlton Heston’s over the top acting didn’t help the plot, the rest of the debates in the movie were a reflection of the times. The apes were more than guys in ape outfits and the horror we felt at thinking of an ape dominated society wasn’t saying how bad things were if apes ruled the world, it was saying how bad things were with US ruling the world. Our failings, our injustices, our dark and dirty little secrets were reflected by the apes for all to see. They could get away with biting social commentary because it was just guys in suits and no one would take it seriously.
The new movie … well the new movie goes to great pains to be a summer blockbuster. Tim Burton sold out to Pepsi or Coke or whatever was sponsoring the summer blockbuster tour. It did big numbers at the blockbuster and since I hated it, I’m sure it’s going to be the #1 move of all time.
But it was horrible. In fact it was so bad that it became a statement, a satire even, of what big summer movies have become and how much filmmakers are willing to sacrifice for lure of a big summer blockbuster. If this was Tim Burton’s opus as a movie maker, then let him take “sponsored by coca cola” to his final resting place in movie history.
Oh well, a day later and still smelling “stinkaroonie” from apes …
k9