Sunday night, winding down. This morning I spent two and a half hours throwing 2 cords of wood down a very large hill. This is normally a three day job but I’m on a deadline of next Sunday to have it all stacked and done for the winter. Next Monday I’m going away to parts unknown to spend a week or so sleeping. That’s all I want to do right now. I’m so exhausted and ready to give up on everything.
Right now I’m listening to Cyndi Lauper’s “Unconditional Love,” for the first time since losing a friend who made this song special. Well, losing is harsh, more like having things change and wind up in a far different place than where I thought they’d go. It’s funny that life gets this way. Stef asked me if I ever thought of where I’ll be in five years last night. I said no. I said I’d happy to be alive in five years. That’s the truth. I can’t manage to guess where I’m going to be because life changes each and every day. Where you think you’re going isn’t going to happen. Where you dream of being, isn’t going to be exactly the way you want it to be so it’s better of spending your time in reality than in the future.
I manage day by day. I have a pretty good life. The missing puzzle pieces on making it a great life is for some way to get discovered and find a job that makes a lot more money than what my current job pays and, of course, finding someone to spend my life with. I think I’m getting too old for that though. I gave up on finding “the one” after having the one taken away from me time and time again. I think I’m settling on making it through the day okay with myself so I can sleep at night. I’m valuing a good nap more than a good kiss right now and that scares me a whole hell of a lot.
So one more week of work and stacking wood then off to parts unknown. Joy. Joy.
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