Please download the PDF: Amazing Incredible Volume 01, Issue 05.
My workout routine was knocked on its butt between the ever-present chill in the air that hit in early December and a sinus infection that literally made the step exercises a near psychedelic experience. While I’ve been feeling better, my hearing has been coming and going on the left side and I just haven’t had the motivation to do much of anything. I keep holding out hope that when the Xbox One comes (long story for another time) that I’ll be fully into the free workout programs there. That was the plan for this year since what I was doing with my workout routine was exercise, but I’m not sure it was the right exercise routine for me. It lacked variety and frankly, it became a chore to do.
I’m also not sleeping more than a couple of hours at a time. That’s probably the biggest impact on anything. I got into a crazy routine for the Black Friday coverage at work and I adjusted to it and I haven’t taken the time to let go and get sleep again. I surprised myself (in a very hectic work week and not my normal hours), by falling asleep for five consecutive hours tonight. That hasn’t happened in weeks and had I not had a dream about the hard drives I was moving around (I was convinced my pillow was a hard drive), I probably would have slept through my shift.
This isn’t how I had planned the first month of the year. I wanted this to be the year where I get in shape and actually take control of things. January has been a bad month for a lot of things. While I’ve achieved at least one goal (curb spending), everything else in my life is total chaos right now. I haven’t had a haircut since Thanksgiving and I haven’t shaved in over a week. I guess, if I’m focusing on getting myself together, I’ll start on that next then start on the rest from there.
There will be surprises this year. I’m hoping, in a good way, next year at this time I will not be in the place I am now. I have to start working on my future while I still have it in me to shine.
Last note before wrapping up the ramble. The past couple of years I’ve been in a funk for the holidays. In 2012 we lost my cat Bubbagump (given name “Oberon”) right around Christmas. 2012 we lost Kat a day or two after Thanksgiving then Gray Gray ON Christmas Day. The holidays put me in a great funk this year. Even though Gray’s loss was balanced by gaining King Louis on the same day, the holidays filled me with dread this year and they were really tough. For those who haven’t been following my Facebook, well, the holidays ended with another surprise this year as on New Year’s day we were blessed with a new addition in Albert, another stray cat, who jumped into my arms on one of the coldest days in recent history.
Albert is a black cat and reminds me too much of Bubbagump (also black but with a couple of distinct patches of white). I admit there’s been a disconnect since he’s SO much like Gumpy. I know him. I know almost everything about him, but he doesn’t know me yet (after nearly a month here), so it’s something I need to build on. I have to give him a chance to be him and not a shade of Gumpy. We’ll see how it goes.
As for the blog and this site, there’s more to write so I’ll be back eventually.
It’s the end of January and I’ve just finished a project that I thought would kill me.
If I hadn’t mentioned it here before, towards the end of October I discovered a way to convert all of my video files down to a smaller size without losing sound or video quality. Alas, it meant using a lot of Handbrake and running both of my systems to capacity in order to get things done. But let’s back up a bit. For those who don’t know, I’ve been using my PC as a DVR since before DVRs were popularized back in the early 2000′s. I have thousands and thousands of hours of TV and movies that I’ve recorded, let alone back ups of DVDs and Blu Rays I’ve owned through the years. By myself, I could have lived with how they are. However, my father has been streaming these files off my network since the Veteran’s Administration released him from the nursing home in late 2012.
When I say “constantly,” I mean he plays the same damn movie 20 or 30 times because he has dementia and he forgets what he’s seen so he just starts the movie over. Some of these moves are literally 10gb in size and that poses a problem with streaming them as it simply kills the bandwidth of our wireless network. I couldn’t really say, “Hey dad, you need to back off because I can’t get any work done.” Even if he were to understand the problem, he would forget almost instantly and we’d go right back to streaming that same giant file dozens of times until he moved on to something else.
Side note, if anyone suggests watching the James Bond flick ‘A View to the Kill’ any time soon, I’ll probably punch them. Don’t ask. SO don’t ask.
After experimenting with some formats, I came up with a MKV format that I liked. Well, two of them, one of standard definition and one for high definition movies. I could have gone with MP4, which is popular with the MAC crowd, but I stuck with the MKV shell since I’ve been using it for the past couple of years and I trust it to work with the devices I use. The plus here is that the high def is running about half the size of the original without loss of quality while the standard def is a TENTH of the size of the original (on average) without loss of quality. Since most of my collection was in standard def, I was literally able to remove about 8 hard drives from my setup with all the space I’ve saved.
The downside, of course, is that I couldn’t do anything else for the past three months while the two systems were processing files and by “anything else” I mean even YouTube was a problem. Most of you know my setup, I have a main computer for writing and doing my comic book. I have a secondary system that I use for a DVR/Multimedia center, then I have a laptop that shares a monitor with the secondary machine that I actually work on. Even when I paused to rebuild both desktops with top of the line parts, the result has been the same (though it cut the processing time in half for most files), I simply haven’t done anything other than work and this project since the end of October.
Now it’s almost February. I feel like I’ve been in a time capsule or cyrofreeze for three months now. I’m catching up with the world and you’ll get more on that in my next post…
Taking a few minutes to blog in an otherwise overly busy month. I’m not sure where to start. This year, I’m busy. I haven’t had time for a lot of things and sadly, new duties and responsibilities keep popping up and delaying the comic yet again.
I had planned on releasing the last two zero issues, oh, about three weeks ago. They’re pretty much done except for the word balloons and a couple of stray pages. They wrap up the prequel issues pretty nicely (if not randomly) and then set the stage for the Amazing Incredible continuity. I will have to make changes to the story for the rest of the issues that had already gone up (and pulled and gone back up and pulled and…), as I reletter them and release them, but for once, I have an established continuity to work with and a foundation for a story other than “uh, let’s write a random issue with no pay off.” Not saying I WON’T revert to that when I have to, but gosh darn it, I’m trying.
We’ve had a load of two cords of wood that I’ve already moved and stacked down the hill this year. Another load was delivered on Wednesday and this time I had him stack it in a way I liked. Rather than pushing it up against our bushes, where I’d have to climb under the bushes to get to half the pile, I had him dump it two or three feet out and crossways instead of longways. As he was dumping, I actually got to see how much two cords of wood is. I never had the concept down because it was all on top of itself. I was a little scared and a little impressed that I was able to process so much the last go round working an hour or two a day for a week. It’s getting colder now and the weather has been crappier (yesterday was solid rain so I worked out instead of doing the wood pile), so we’ll see if the motivation stays… especially when the third load comes in December.
The weather patterns have changed in the 16 or 17 years we’ve lived at this house. For every idiot who says that there’s no global warming or no global changes to our environment, well, I’ve been here long enough to know better. I can observe it. We used to get snow in October. We used to get solid movie style snow from November until March. Now we’re lucky to get any by December. The movie style snow usually holds off until the first week of January. I’ll tell you, it ruins the holidays when the only snow you see is the fake snow in all of the holiday movies. Seriously, be the time it feels “Christmassy,” Christmas is long over. That’s why I put the Christmas tree up in September. I figured if the holiday is ruined anyway, I may as well put the tree up and enjoy it as the first Christmas commercials hit the air.
I’m alone with my father until Monday. My mom is in Texas because I bought one of our old cars back from a friend who no longer needs it. Mom has family in Texas and is spending a couple of days with her sister while she gets the car checked out and, well, gets a break from my father. I couldn’t go because I couldn’t take that much time off of work, plus, I’ve vowed never to step foot in the state of Texas. There are a lot of reasons for that, most of which I’m not getting into now, but unless things change and change in a big way, I’ll never set foot in that state. Closed minded, I am, but after the past few months, I’m tired of being the one who waffles and gives. It’s time to stand up for something, even if it’s as insane as this.
We had been without a second car for about a year now. My status as a virtual shut-in was upgraded to real shut-in as I couldn’t schedule the car to do anything other than the occasional hair cut. Even then, with my schedule (working nights), it was hard to get up and get dad there and back without sacrificing sleep for the day on those rare days I could have the car. Now that we will have two again (she’s not back from Texas yet so anything can still happen), sadly, I’ve been down graded to virtual shut-in. I’ll have to get used to that.
I’m also starting an insane project. Dad’s been using up most of wifi bandwidth streaming movies I’ve recorded off the satellite dish from my computer to his computer downstairs. Oh, plus every episode of the TV show ‘Reba.’ These are monster sized files. Lately, he’s been in every drive on my machine that I use for the comic. It was my bad to put movies on that drive, but I never thought he’d have an interest in Sports related movies until my machine was running slowly as I opened files. You have to understand, with the dementia, he not just watches a movie, he repeats the same movie until my mom gets sick of it. He’ll watch movies like ‘the Benchwarmers’ 300 times if you let him, because he forgets he’s seen it. Seriously, I barely made it through that movie once, 299 more times would kill the rest of my lingering sanity. Some people say to switch to something like Netflix but a) Netflix doesn’t have a very good selection of streaming movies, and b) have you ever seen the hit you take on your internet when someone is streaming movies? We’re in the country, we have barely functioning DSL, that’s NOT an option. So I’ve been using a program called Handbrake to convert them down to smaller files and moving them to another machine. That way, at least, I can have some bandwidth and I won’t be sharing a machine with him when he really needs to see ‘The Mighty Ducks 2′ over and over again.
I guess I better start wrapping up. I’ll catch up with you again soonish. I hope you have a safe holiday season.
Please download the PDF: Amazing Incredible Volume 01, Issue 04.
As the title of the post reads, I’m not exactly awake yet. It’s A little after 2AM and I woke up smelling skunk from the fan going in my window, yet again (feeding station story coming one of these days), and muttering to myself about picking up an earlier than normal shift this week. I’m in the middle of a diverticulitis flare up and I got really sick the other morning. I was dazed out of my mind this time and the pain was in a new spot so I wasn’t sure what it was. Of course, the fact that I’m actually admitting to having diverticulitis in public, on my blog, for everyone to see is pretty new. I’ve bitched about stuff before, but actually talking about it this openly was no-no because I was afraid that if I ever wanted insurance, I’d immediately disqualify myself for most plans since it’s a pre-existing condition. Say what you want about the Affordable Care Act (“ObamaCare” BOO! Now jump out of your seat…), one of the benefits of the act is I don’t have to hide stuff any more in fear of forever disqualifying myself for decent health insurance rates.
The pain has migrated to the normal spot tonight, btw, so yeah, I’ll be in hell for the next couple of days until my body settles down. Which sucks for my work out as I haven’t done squats in a couple of days due to the pain and I’m doing what I can to work around it. It’s driving me a bit crazy since squats are the “hard” part of my workout and I’m getting discouraged. It’s too easy to walk away from the program completely to “rest” today and I really don’t want to give up so I have to be extra vigilant I guess in getting back into it once thing stop being such a bother with my body.
I didn’t do myself any favors today. My friend Evil James was in town for the day and we moved an old swing set up a steep hill in order to let the local junk dealer come pick it up. I knew I shouldn’t, but it was the only time I’d have help until the holidays and I really didn’t want to be out there in the snow trying to move things. As we started, I counted down the minutes until my mother would come out to harass us about moving it. She’s a master of that. You get half way through some project with company or a stranger and she is notorious for popping in and making herself look good by yelling how stupid we are for even trying, how we’re doing it completely wrong and how, after starting the impossible thing (in this case, half way up the hill with the big swing set), and AFTER we’ve made it past the point of no return, encouraging us to give up because it’s impossible and stupid and we shouldn’t have even tried since things were fine the way they were.
I was prepared for her this time though. I kind of shamed her. I was literally in so much pain that I didn’t care. I told her that this was a three person job and she could either come and help or she could shut up. There were no other options. I didn’t have time for negativity. While I don’t normally disrespect her, what she was doing was stupid and predictable and I was kind of surprised as she shut her mouth and joined in the move. Of course, once we were done, I heard about it and our next project consisted of her and Evil James taking the lights off the pre-lit Christmas tree (there was a blown string), while I sat in my office in pain to escape from the tirade. Yeah. Like I said, I didn’t do myself any favors today with my body. I’m feeling like death from all that work (and the pizza that followed), and all I really want to do is climb back into bed and sleep the morning away.
But I gotta work… and work and sleep and work and see the Seahawks and workout and… try to finish issue 01-04 of Amazing Incredible today. I’m six pages away in the layouts. I just need time alone (and stress free) to finish them before moving on to lettering. Oh. Lettering. Another blog for another day.
I’m getting ready to do what I can do workout wise today while it’s early enough to forget.
Fell asleep early tonight. With the way my schedule has been, I’m usually in bed early enough to get a fair amount of sleep for my 1:45am or 4:45am shifts. There’s a trade off there, though, because by 7pm or 8pm I turn into a zombie. I start to push the limits to how long I can be awake and I end up in this twilight where I can’t focus on anything and end up being miserable until I crawl into bed.
Tonight I was supposed to sleep much later than I did. It’s getting cold so I’m having strange dreams and I woke up after a weird dream from my past. I was at a very important event in my life and who I sat with really determined the course of action I took for nearly an entire decade. Just the choice of going my own way or being part of the group mattered that much. I’ve never second guessed my choice before and it was interesting to see what would have happened if I had stayed 15 feet away from a group of people who went on to shape my life. There are positives and negatives to the dream, I know I can’t change the past, but it was enough to shock me into waking up early and getting my butt onto this computer again.
I’m don’t feel I’m in control of a lot of things these days in regards to my future. There are things just a bit out of my hands. There are things I avoid because of it and really, the things I can control are my body and my website. The rest of it can be steered away from the rocks, but really, until things change, I’m not in a position of power these days.
That said, you’ve seen in other posts how I’ve controlled my body. Progress is still being made on that front, the other… well…
You may have noticed changes to the web site recently. Our Facebook page is now ReallyCoolComics and that’s a reflection of some things that are going on. I know I’ve been wishy washy about a lot of things. I was clearly focused on making everything fall under the Amazing Incredible banner and shoving the zero issues down everyone’s throats as I rebuilt things from scratch. Well now I’m realizing that while the approach wasn’t wrong, per say, it just wasn’t working in the way I wanted to. So some changes were made. The zero issues still serve as the launching point for the various old series, but the old series will be presented on their own (with some changes) and reflect what I’ve done. They will be final once they’re up. It’s time to move away from the past. I can’t change it, I need to move forward.
That said, I’m working on what could be both the ending and the beginning to the Amazing Incredible saga. Issue six wraps everything up. You will have answers and what happens next… well, we’ll see.
I’m not quitting comics. I’m not that crazy, but where we go after issue six (the former issue 0-6), is new ground the saga will have ended and a new chapter will begin.
With that said, I’m heading back to bed. The phantom shift got me again, I’m not due up for another three hours.
And it’s a workout day.
The more things change…
Tuesday night into Wednesday mornings are my current time to really sleep. I’m not scheduled for anything and even though my body tends to get me up for phantom shifts at 1:45am and 4:45am (my typical starting times every other night of the week), I tend to get some solid hours of sleep when it’s actually night out. I often don’t make the greatest choices with the time though. Last night, for example, I was in bed by 7:30PM. I’m not used to being awake in “the evening” so I was totally zonked and in bed, expecting to be up for that phantom 1:45am shift. Didn’t quite work that way.
Had an extended dream I was overseas and visiting an good friend as she was involved in some huge criminal or civil case. She wasn’t a defendant but she was somehow involved in the staging of the trial and my visit coincided with the event. The group I was with stopped by her place for a party, got an icy reception from her husband and overall we managed to make things work well enough that she asked me to babysit her kids for the night of the big event. Which went okay, I’m good with kids. I never completely understood how important whatever it was she was doing until the dream fast forwarded six months and I was about to watch the TV movie of the events and an actress was listed as playing her part. Not sure what it all means, but it’s one of those weird dreams I have when it gets cold out.
Freeze warnings were up north of here and it feels it. I didn’t put the heat on in my room before bed and just had at it with the dreams tonight I guess. I only got myself up because it was cold and I had to use the bathroom. Which I did and stopped at the dreaded scale. It’s been down the past couple of days. Not drastically down but down enough for me to check and see if the thing was positioned properly (it has been). So we’ll see if this continues. No pre-dawn workout this morning as I’ve chosen to write and go back to bed. I’ll face that demon later. I’m just hoping I’m not going to have a “fat” day and spring right back up to 240 like what usually happens.
I have water weight issues. Not yet as extreme as my father’s. He can balloon up 20 pounds overnight, I’ve seen it. But then again, he doesn’t help himself at all. The other week he drank five 2 liter bottles of Diet Coke in 36 hours. I didn’t think that was physically possible. I mean, if I did it, even with my gut, I’m thinking I’d look like a pregnant whale afterwards from all that fluid. He’s like me though, built wider than tall. So where ever it goes on his body, it goes and he looks just the same until he takes his clothes off. That’s actually pretty scary since the doctor doesn’t always catch that he’s up in weight if they don’t actually check. His weight is up since he came home from the nursing home last year. It’s no surprise, we have so much in the deep freeze that he can eat himself into oblivion and often does. He doesn’t remember eating five minutes afterwards and sometimes doesn’t let us get bites of our own food at meals before he’s up and running with some new demand for either food or a shower.
He’s at the point where the common sense factor doesn’t kick it. Yesterday, for example, it was clean out the freezer night. We had a lot of bags of food that were down to their last bits. A few corn dogs, a small portion of fries, some mac & cheese balls, you get the picture. I cooked them all in the oven and served everyone up a mish mash of things for dinner. For my father, since I knew he’d eat it now and then eat again later, I made a gigantic platter of food. For me, one corn dog (which I shouldn’t have since I’m allergic to corn), would have been enough and I’d be full for a while. Dad had 5 on that platter, along with shrimp, chicken, fries and mac & cheese balls. He literally had three meals in front of him if he were to portion it out, but he ate it I guess, because he complained loudly that he was out of food except for a single corn dog when mom came downstairs.
Boggles the mind.
I’m through trying to figure out anything but me these days. It’s just otherwise a no-win situation. That said, if you see anyone tag me on Facebook, bring me up in a conversation, or anything else where they’ve decided to speak “for me” you should know better. The only person who speaks for me or expressions my opinion is me. I haven’t been a “we’re” for a long time as I have my own thoughts and opinions and I’ll clearly and loudly express them when the time comes. There have been a couple of situations lately where my name has come up and no one has discussed it with me before going public with it, often by people I barely know. I realize my life can be a mystery because I’m tight lipped with strangers and there are things I just don’t talk about, but no one has the inside track any more. I share with a handful of people that you probably don’t know. I share because I trust them enough not to broadcast my life on Facebook. Believe me, I’m opinionated enough in my Facebook feed to see enough of my life for most people, you don’t need to assume anything though because what you think you know or what you’ve heard is probably wrong.
I make my statements about life right here in this blog. If that’s not enough, then ask, don’t assume, and I won’t sink the theoretical boat you’ve put me in by pulling up the engine room planks and going for a swim when you’ve gone into crazy mode.
With that, back to something. Not sure what and I’ll probably post that Day 38 of workout notice on my Facebook page (even though I thought I wasn’t), any time now…
Updating some things as I’m stopping to make myself write now and again to show that hey, I’m alive and this website is still running after twelve years or so. I know I’ve been horrible about it lately, but there simply has been no time to sit and think and really, not enough to share to make things interesting. So… let’s dive right in to what I can talk about.
36 days ago a friend of mine wanted someone to do one of those generic fitness challenges with her. She wanted to slim down for her wedding and when no one stepped forward I agreed to it. There’s really nothing to it, it’s essentially an instagram photo with 30 days of exercises (squats and situps) with breaks every three days. The “program” is essentially you look at the darn photo and you do the exercises. There’s nothing organized and there’s no peers or anything. You do what it says and see what happens to your body.
I had to modify it because I can’t do situps. I never have been able to. Even when I was a 50 pound little kid, every time I’d try one I’d hurt my back too much to continue. Yup, there was never a Presidential Fitness Award in this part of the Finch household because I can’t do a very basic situp. My alternative to the program’s situp requirement was to do steps on a very primitive step machine. When that really wasn’t effective, I bought a simple step off of Amazon and have been doing step ups. I’ve also added an exercise of my own (I know, a no no) to simulate what I do out on the wood pile where I pick up a ten pound weight off the floor, pivot and put it on a chair a few feet away, pick it up off the chair and pivot and put it back on the floor. I have various names for this (“wood exercise” is the one mainly use), and I do it because, yes, it’s that dreaded time of year. We’ve made our wood order and I’ll be out there muttering and sputtering with three giant loads of wood again soon enough.
You’ve all shared your opinions on this so far. Some think I’m not doing enough because I didn’t immediately add weights to the exercises. Some think I’m lying my ass off about what I’m doing and that I’ve kept up with the program. All I have is my word. My word is what has defined me for the past few years and that’s all I have to go on, really, since I haven’t lost an ounce of weight in 35 days of the program.
But my word has had a good track record lately.
Two years ago I made a one year vow to give up McDonalds, Wendys, Burger King and Taco Bell. Yes, it was a one-year deal that no one thought I could do. I originally started it because I was eating too much of that stuff. It was too easy to escape into just getting something out rather than cooking at home and I was putting all the stuff that comes with the McDonalds etc. into my body. It wasn’t good. I needed a break and for the first time in my life, I had to ween myself off of that stuff in order to see what happened. After a year, I quietly extended it for another year (to the dismay of my visiting nephew Jesy, who loudly lets the world know how cheap I am for not giving into his demands of fast food whenever he visits), and now, I’m going into a third year of it. Can I prove that I have been crap-free for two years now? No. But I know the truth. I still can eat subs and I can eat market fresh things from Arby’s, Sheetz and Subway (and yes, I’ve had the occasional burger from Sheetz), but I’ve stuck with my vow not to go to those places and other than one lemonade drink a year ago, I’ve kept that vow.
Day 34 of the “program” I finally added weights to squats. I’m doing an absolutely insane amount of squats. I was on the road to 300 a day before I backed off a little to add weights and slowly build back up. They’re not particularly hard, but there’s just so blooming many of them that they’re eating up an enormous amount of time. When I first started this, I could do a batch here and there when things were slow at work and I could stand in front of the computer. Now, it had been 275 before I added weights. Even forcing myself into the bathroom (it has a tiled floor and privacy), and doing them until I’m done, they can take up to 30 minutes. Then another thirty for everything else I do, and sometimes an hour for a bath to recover, meaning two hours of my day six days a week are pretty much taken up with the program or recovering from it.
If you look up “how to do a perfect squat” on YouTube, you get a lot of fit people. Women who don’t weigh 100 pounds or guys under 150 doing endless amounts of squats. One lady amazes me when she can do 100 of them in a row on camera in like 3 minutes. Good for freaking her. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that. I do 25 and stop. Sometimes I push myself to 35 or 40 and stop. In the early days, yeah, I could do more, but with the amount I’m doing and the fact that I’m carrying at least 100 pounds on these experts in the videos, I have to pace myself or I’ll never do my quota for the day without having a heart attack.
I’ve been having two problems lately: First, it’s been HOT. It’s not really a problem when I’m working out at 5am, but when I only have time to do it in the afternoons, doing so in a tiny bathroom with no AC (we don’t have central air) is murder. Today I showered and as soon as I turned on the hot water, the entire bathroom fogged up immediately due to the humidity in there. The second, I’m always about a foot from the cat litter. No matter how clean I keep the box (scooping out the solids and putting in deodorizer), the smell is always bad enough to want to be anywhere near it for extended periods of time. To counter this, I just got off my butt and ordered a workout mat off of Amazon. It says it can be used over carpeting to provide stability. We’ll see. I won’t be able to watch my form in the full length mirror, but dang it, I won’t be dying from the heat and/or rank smell of the cat litter either.
So after rambling a bit, we’re back to the central focus of this blog. Has it worked? I haven’t lost a ton of weight at all but my stomach area is firmer. Sitting in front of the computer now my stomach muscles feel tight and my posture is better. I have gigantic shoulders for a short guy (I’m 5’9″ but wide), so when you look at me from the front I’m going to look the same when I’m 200 pounds or when I’m 240 pounds (the side is a much different view), so I can’t really tell you if I look different. Without my clothes on, things seem to be firming up. We’ll see if I actually start to slim down when I start doing wood like last year. I have this nightmare that I’ll be the fittest 240 pound fat guy on the planet for the rest of my life. So hopefully, that won’t happen, but it will be better for me in the long run since hey, the fittest fat guy is much better than the fat guy who died at 43.
With that, I’m done, I have work to do then a nap then a Seahawks game to watch today. We’re into my hell days at work so wish me luck as I continue this quest into, well, umm, yeah, where ever I’m going with this…
It’s that dreaded day again. September 11, 2013. Twelve years ago most Americans had their lives changed forever with the attacks on our nation. Most of us watched in horror as people died on live TV with the collapse of the Twin Towers in NYC that filled the airwaves on that fateful day.
Every year this day comes with a bit of dread. Remembering that day. Remembering our nation going to war because of it and the ramifications of both the reasoning for the war and the expense of that war hanging over our heads every day since then.
I sit here and honestly am thankful that they’ve stopped repeating the video of people dying. Every year for the first few years people (both the media and private causes) would trot out the video and obsessively play the footage of the towers collapsing and people dying to drum up support on TV or in on-line videos for whatever cause was being promoted at the moment. The names of the people or the fact that people *actually died* in the videos didn’t matter, they were making points and hammering home those points with the memory that would impact most of us the most.
I’ve written in the past that I was screwed up for years after 9/11. I was. You can go back to old blogs and see that for yourself. The images would bring me to tears every time and it was to the point that I had to turn off the TV for the majority of the weeks surrounding September 11th each year because I couldn’t take the constant bombardment of death and dying.
This year has been different so far, but then again, all I’ve watched is old Survivor reruns on TVGN for the past few days. We seem to be moving away from the over the top imagery on Facebook and other media outlets (yes, Facebook is as much a media outlet as anything else). We’re moving away from the over the top TV specials and movies based on that day. I’m hoping that this trend continues because frankly, every American is a victim of that day. We’ve all been touched, we’ve all had to face consequences, and we all need to find healing in our own ways.
One day our children and our children’s children won’t know the impact of this day. 9/11 will join Independence Day, Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day as days on the calender that they don’t quite understand. Days marked in tribute to something big in our nation’s history but never knowing the reasoning behind the anniversary or the impact on our nation. I’m okay with that. We must heal as a nation, we must go forward and most of all, we must bring peace to those lost on that horrible day and in the days and years that followed.
I choose to take this day as a day of Peace. Each year (as work permits), a quiet day of reflection. I don’t need to have images and memories hammered home. I don’t need to wrap myself in the flag and declare myself Captain America (unless you’re willing to pay me for party appearances). I just need some time alone to catch my breath, and put my best foot forward to face the next year.
Talk to you again soon,