Thursday Randoms
They say this endless day is my fault like I had a choice. Three hours of closing my eyes becomes two hours to ten of working and waiting for work before I sleep again. The early twilight isn't helping things, I go through 3 or 4 "days" in twenty four hours lately as the world is crawling out of the dark.
Dad is still in the hospital for observation. He went in a day or two ago with a blip on the EKG. This being my dad, the blip was quickly followed by a whole host of other complaints that they needed to check out right NOW so he's in no shape to come home just yet. It's Thursday night, my guessing is that they'll send him home tomorrow because hospitals tend to dump patients before the weekend even if they're not ready to go home.
Last Call for 2011
It's early in the morning on the last day of 2011. I'm muddling through another shift and then I think I am going to lose myself in an extra long bath before my next shift and a 90 minute short attempt at sleeping.
I'm not doing well.
I'm used to being alone and I'm used to dealing with loneliness by ignoring it. With a few clicks and keystrokes, I'm not alone anyway. The world opens up and I have friends from everywhere to talk to and confide in. The most wonderful thing about the internet is that there's always someone to talk to if you look hard enough. Chatting can fill your days and your nights and free yourself from the binds of reality for as long as you want to do it.
Not Safe, Not Even in Your...
I'm heading back to bed in a minute. It's noon on a Monday. I'm off most of the day and I really really really (did I mention really) am not up to facing the week. Christmas was good, a lot better than I expected. It provided a distraction from everything that's been on my mind lately and I really didn't want it to end. But it did and it's Monday and even in my dreams I'm troubled by the past week.
Things just don't make sense and my dreams lately are trying to fill in the gaps of not knowing the truth. I know it sounds like I've been through some sort of traumatic event I'm not sharing, and maybe I have, but it was much more of the b.s. that dotted this year. It just hits like a train wreck and hurts like a shark bite. I can't make sense of it and you know that when I can't trust escaping into my dreams that there's a problem.
Take Your Ho Ho and...
Winding down before my first nap on Christmas Eve, quietly happy that this year is ending and we get a new start in just a week.
This has been a pretty crappy year. I know I always say it, but that's more of a default statement rather than a serious declaration of angst. This year though... yeah. F it, I'm miserable.
The Return of a Rat called Farts!
I'm about to walk the dog at 4:25am. That's not a metaphor or a slang term for something cool you didn't know about, I'm literally about to go outside, flashlight in hand, and lead the 70 pound collie around as he pees three times and we call it a night.
We've been doing this every night for the past couple of months. Feed the cats, give the rest to the dog (Buddy), then go for a walk in the dark as stray cars flash us with their headlights and I watch out for bears, bulls, and whatever else is prowling around out there at this time of morning.
