I had two very strange dreams last night. In the first some how I got transported to another dimension where the whole world was a death star/shopping mall. I thought my friend was transported too so I went on a ton of adventures in order to find him and rescue him so we both could get home. Of course, it turned out that it was this dimension’s version of my friend and he was the evil behind everything, so I ended up having to escape from him.
Eventually I found a portal home, or so I thought. The main female villain stopped me right when I was going to go through it. She was trying to entice me into staying so they could capture me. She started to take off her clothes (and I’m having strictly PG rated dreams lately) so she was down to a bikini. She wanted me to come closer and closer and … well something felt wrong, so I did the unexpected. I jumped forward, but both arms around her, and dragged her into the portal with me. Of course the portal was fake so we went past her startled guards on the other side of it, and ran 20 feet to the real portal and went through it.
Once we came through to the other side, she was pissed, she asked me why the heck I did that. I told her two things: 1) that was the worst striptease I’ve ever seen and 2) it worked. She didn’t know what to say. So we became traveling companions as it turned out that we weren’t in the right dimension anyway. It took a long time to get home and I guess we lived happily ever after …
Okay the second dream, I applied for a new FOX “normal guy meets who wants to marry a millionaire” show. I am a generic average white guy. I’m not a hunk and I’m not handsome. I’m also not fat nor am I a total slob. I’m so generic I can be just about anything. So I was surprised when they gave me a ticket to come out to Las Vegas and interview for the show.
When I got to the giant hotel/casino, they took everything out of my wallet except for my ID and a few bucks. They didn’t want me gambling too much while I waited for the interview. They put a microphone on me so I’d get used to it and an ear piece in my ear so I could be notified when it was time for my interview. They told me to see the casino, but to be ready to come for the interview.
What I didn’t know was that it was all a ruse. The entire hotel had hidden cameras and the entire place knew it was a taping for “Joe Clueless,” FOX’s new reality TV show where a clueless average white guy gets $10 million dollars if he stumbles into love one night at a casino. The catch was that if anyone told me, the whole thing was off. No one would fall in love OR get any money.
So I’m walking around and talking to the producer. I stop at the craps table and since I’ve never played, I put the $5 dinner money they gave me down and … well I shoot and win. I keep winning by the time I was done, I turned $5 into $5,000 and make the whole table a lot of money in the process. They give me a comp room and I’m so amazed, since FOX had only paid for a dinky little room since I wasn’t supposed to stay long.
I start to walk around the casino and people recognize me. I think it was from the craps run since it seemed like everyone was around the table. So I say hi when they do and make reference to it. I’m still talking to my producer and she says that there was a delay with the camera guy (he missed his flight), so she has me walk around some more.
This is when it gets to be like something out of the Truman show or those stock commercials where people are mistaken for heads of companies because they own stock and .0006% of the company. People were coming up to me and telling me their life stories or doing dances or going on and on about random things.
I never saw people’s faces in the dream, they were kinda blurry. It was also strictly pg, since while I have a twisted little mind, it never really results in really fun dreams like that.
I decided to go get something to eat and there were women everywhere at the buffets. “James, come here …” “James join me …” I mean tons and tons of women. Some obviously hitting on me, all with different platters of food, all compelling me to come over. Since I’ve only been hit on twice in my life and been totally clueless about it both times (figuring it out hours later …), this was a shock. When two women started screaming at each other over who would eat with me, I sorta figured something was going on and tried to find a quiet spot.
So I go and find a quiet little lounge and talk to the producer, who is still making excuses and keeping me occupied, telling me about her life and everything. That’s when a showgirl comes in and sits down near me. She says a quick little “hello” and “do you mind if I eat?” and I notice that she has a fudge Popsicle shaped like a banana which she seductively eats in front of me. I get the hell out of there.
It continues like this until it gets ridiculous. Since I had a comp room and $5000 from craps, and FOX didn’t have any explanation for why the interview wasn’t happening, I went back to my room and told them thanks but no thanks. The producer sounded down since we had a good time talking all evening through all the weirdness, so I asked her if she’d hang out after her shift was over. She agreed … and that’s where the dream ended.
Epically weird as normal.
k9