So I’ve been tempted to abandon the office I’ve had for the past 10 years in favor of combining it with my master bedroom.
This hasn’t been something I’ve really thought about before, I mean, the massive amounts of cable I’m going to have to move if I do it should bring any ideas of doing it to a halt immediately, but lol, it’s a nagging feeling that I have to make major changes in my life that’s propelling the idea forward.
I know, I know, the advice after a breakup is NEVER EVER EVER change major parts of your world… but, wow. I don’t know where to start.
Yes, three weeks ago I had a breakup with someone I truly loved. For long time readers who know my situation, you should know that I brought this girl home. The ultimate “do not do” in my book. I wanted her to meet my folks. We stayed here as a couple and we had a great time. It was one of those last bits of “growing up” that I can now cross off my list of things to never do again. Or not, I’m not sure.
Frankly, I know the reasons why we broke up. I agreed with one or two of them, but in my heart, the issues weren’t a big deal. It was all about fear and change and the massively huge things going on in the world would mean everything had to be changed for the sake of the relationship. Dire decisions would have had to be made and made sooner than anyone was ready for and love, which I still believe can conquer all if placed in the right situation, wasn’t doing it in this case.
I still love her. If she were to say, “hey, these past three weeks were a mistake, let’s try again,” I’d probably jump at the chance. Instead, she’s gone and I’m going through that big post-break up adjustment period that gets harder every time.
Still haven’t told my parents. They liked this girl a lot. They probably would have loved it if we had eventually married. I really don’t know how to proceed with telling them since lol, for the first time they know anything about my life. And they told the relatives. Everyone who would listen. My greatest fears realized, of course. My parents are blathering idiots when it comes to gossip and the whole world seems to know my love life. I knew it would happen, though had I known that we’d break up shortly after meeting them, we wouldn’t have stayed here and they wouldn’t have met because now I’ll have to explain everything to everyone. Or not. I could just quietly let the time fade away. That’s an option, I still don’t know.
I’m having a lot of difficulty adjusting to her being gone. Our communication is strained at best, we no longer text message and that’s a big thing. I used to get through shifts at the retail job (aka hell) through just a few minutes spent talking to her in ims or text. Now she’s gone and there’s a void, the usual sadness as well, and I really hate going to work some nights because it kicks in and I’m lost. I’m not afraid of being alone but I have been bugging friends more online to make up for the times we’d have together.
Car rides are a mess because I got used to holding her hand while I drove, knowing that we could get through anything together, and pretty much calming my nerves about new situations (let along being constantly lost in traffic).
If and when I fall in love again, the present that will show that the next loves me is getting me a damn GPS for my car. I’m tired of getting to random destinations or being completely lost because I have the homing instincts of a dead homing pigeon. Dammit.
EVERYONE CAN ATTEST TO THAT.
So now I’m off. It’s nearly 10pm and I think I’m going to sulk myself to sleep.
Have a wonderful night.
I miss you.
Jim