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The Ring Report TV Update, Vol. 1, No. 19 July 11, 1993
(new to the WWF: 24 hour replays of the body slam challenge!)
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FASHION NIGHTMARES
Just when my nightmares of KOKO B. WARE’S blonde hair and multicolored parachute pants had faded, MOM premiere with . . . multicolored parachute paints and blonde hair . . .
WWF NEWS BITS
Arriving in a chartered helicopter after the very best athletes in the United States had failed in attempts to body slam the heinous YOKOZUNA, LEX LUGER, clad in patriotic gear, charged the ring and did what no other man on the deck of the USS INTREPID could do: he slammed Yokozuna.
Yes, the former slave to a mirror gazed deeply into his future and saw a challenge before him: a large Hawaiian man in a diaper. It was terrible sight, a foreigner calling out to America on it’s birthday, daring to challenge ANYONE with the red, white & blue gushing through his veins to slam him. Lex knew the odds were against him but he looked into his mirror and saw old glory hanging there.
A battered flag, not as pretty as it once was. He remembered getting it from his uncle Melvin on Independence day when he was only four years old. Uncle Mel had always told him that you should eat your ICOPRO, say your prayers, and by god, kill any foreigner who showed up on the deck of the USS INTREPID in a diaper.
Lex cringed in fear, Uncle Mel had died defending his country from those godless hordes years ago. Looking deeper into the mirror he saw the image of Uncle Mel in the hospital and he heard his final words again in his mind. “Lex, just do it,” the words rolled through his brain like a semi on acid. His fear now gone, Luger checked his hair one more time and boarded that chartered helicopter and into the pages of history . . .
IN WWF SHORT NEWS: DOINK and CRUSH had a wild match on Wrestling Superstars this week; after Doink lost by countout the second Doink entered the ring and attacked the Hawaiian . . . advanced word has YOKOZUNA squashing Crush tomorrow night on MONDAY NIGHT RAW, RANDY SAVAGE has to make the save . . . LUNA and BAM BAM BIGELOW are now kissing at appearances, so remember kids, don’t eat anything for a whole hour before watching WWF Wrestling . . .
WCW NEWS BITS
The WCW’S Orlando tapings are pretty much over with advanced word claiming that RIC FLAIR will be the NWA WORLD CHAMPION after Beach Blast, RICK RUDE will hold the U.S. Title (though some reports have him with the NWA Belt), and THE NASTY BOYS will defeat ARN ANDERSON & PAUL ROMA for the WCW/NWA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES after Anderson & Roma defeat the blondes at/around Beach Blast.
If you missed this week’s WCW World Title showdown between BIG VAN VADER and DAVEY BOY SMITH on WORLD WIDE WRESTLING track it down on the WCW Replay shows this weekend it had to be one of the best matches in recent WCW history, marred of course, by interference by SID VICIOUS . . .
IN WCW SHORT NEWS: Contrary to reports, the “Where’s Cactus?” segments continue on the WCW shows; hopefully it’s a condition that will clear up after Beach Blast . . . and Paul Roma scored an upset on WCW Saturday Night this week when he used an inside cradle to pin STEVE AUSTIN . . .
WWF MONDAY NIGHT RAW 7/5/93
WHAT YOU MISSED: Highlights of the body slam challenge featuring LEX LUGER slamming the foreign giant . . . THE 123 KID pinned BLAKE BEVERLY . . . another promo for MEN ON A MISSION . . . BAM BAM BIGELOW defeated JOEY MAGGS . . . THE UNDERTAKER defeated SAMU of THE HEAD SHRINKERS . . . and CURT HENNIG defeated BRIAN COSTELLO . . .
WCW POWER HOUR 7/10/93
WHAT YOU MISSED: a recap of the 6-man match from the Clash of Champions . . . STING and DAVEY BOY SMITH wrestled in prelim action . . . a replay of THE HOLLYWOOD BLONDES & BARRY WINDHAM vs. THE HORSEMEN . . . a BEACH BLAST Control Center . . . TEDDY LONG looked at PAUL ROMA . . . a replay of MAX PAYNE appearing on “A FLAIR FOR THE GOLD” . . . RICK RUDE wrestled a prelim match . . . and a replay of THE HORSEMEN vs. TEX SLAZENGER, SHANGHAI PIERCE, and DICK SLATER . . .
WWF MANIA 7/10/93
WHAT YOU MISSED: RANDY SAVAGE is the new co-host of this show with TODD PETTINGIL . . . DUANE GILL & BARRY HARDY lost to MEN ON A MISSION (MABEL, OSCAR, & MOE) . . . a replay of SAMU vs. THE UNDERTAKER . . . an interview with BRET HART . . . BAM BAM BIGELOW defeated RUDY GONZALEZ . . . CURT HENNIG pinned a prelim . . . MR. HUGHES squashed a prelim . . . and THE STEINERS wrestled some prelims . . .
WCW SATURDAY NIGHT 7/10/93
WHAT YOU MISSED: STING and DAVEY BOY SMITH wrestled a prelim match . . . an interview with THE HOLLYWOOD BLONDES . . . a new “WHERE’S CACTUS?” segment featuring KATHERINE WHITE with Jack’s wife COLETTE and son DEWY . . . LORD STEVEN REGAL pinned JOHNNY GUNN . . . TEDDY LONG did an interview . . . segments of PAUL ORNDORFF’S appearance on “A FLAIR FOR THE GOLD” . . . JOHNNY B. BADD taunted MAX PAYNE after Payne squashed SCOTT MCKEEVER . . . an interview with DUSTY RHODES . . . TOO COLD SCORPIO and MARCUS ALEXANDER BAGWELL defeated TJ MAVERICK and TODD ZANE . . . and PAUL ROMA pinned STEVE AUSTIN . . .
WCW WORLD WIDE WRESTLING 7/11/93
WHAT YOU MISSED: “LORD” STEVEN REGAL pinned the illustrious CHRIS SULLIVAN . . . a replay of this week’s “WHERE’S CACTUS?” segment . . . JIM NEIDHART pinned TODD ZANE . . . SID VICIOUS pinned WARREN QUINN . . . and DAVEY BOY SMITH defeated WCW WORLD CHAMPION BIG VAN VADER by DQ when Vicious interfered; after the match STING made the save . . .
WWF SUPERSTARS OF WRESTLING 7/11/93
WHAT YOU MISSED: new computer-generated opening graphics . . . coverage of Luger slamming YOKOZUNA . . . THE SMOKING GUNS defeated some prelims . . . CRUSH defeated DOINK by countout; after the match DOINK #1 and DOINK #2 left him battered in the ring . . . SHAWN MICHAELS defeated a prelim . . . a SUMMERSLAM report, as expected, it was announced that BRET HART will face JERRY LAWLER in one the main events . . . and MEN ON A MISSION won their debut match against some prelims . . .
WWF ALL AMERICAN WRESTLING 7/11/93
WHAT YOU MISSED: the blue screen this week was set on Cape Hattaris . . . a replay of DOINK vs. CRUSH . . . a replay of BAM BAM BIGELOW vs. JOEY MAGGS . . . a replay of the body slam challenge report . . . a replay of an ADAM BOMB prelim match . . . and a replay of THE 123 KID vs. BLAKE BEVERLY . . .
HOT TOPICS featuring LORNE WHITE and WILL WIEHE
Things heated up in the USWA this week as OWEN HART lost the USWA title to JERRY LAWLER; the two are also set to fight in the WWF to set up Lawler for Bret Hart’s challenge at SummerSlam . . . BOB ORTEN recently defeated JAKE ROBERTS for the IWA Title . . . in the IWCCW FLEX LAVENDER in now managed by DIRTY DEEDS and is feuding with JOE SAVOLDI . . . MEN FROM A MISSION? THE HARLEM HEAT? CHI-TOWN HEAT? THE CONVICTS? Obviously reports vary on the new name for THE EBONY EXPERIENCE in the WCW . . . THE BRUISE BROTHERS defeated THE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL EXPRESS for the SMW tag team title . . . TRACY SMOTHERS is also a new title holder in the SMW as he won the vacant SMW Heavy Weight title . . . BARRY WINDHAM is said to be leaving the WCW due to a knee injury after Beach Blast; some accounts have his feuds picked up by HAWK . . . JAQUES & PIERRE ROUGEAU have formed a tag team in the WWF . . . initial reports have a man named LUDWIG from FINLAND as the next “big” foreign threat to the WWF . . . REX KING & STEVE DOLL, more commonly known as SIMPLY DIVINE, may be WWF bound . . . NIKOLAI VOLKOFF is said to have returned for WWF tapings . . . JUSHIN LIGER is out with a broken leg following a match vs. TOO COLD SCORPIO last month . . . reports have MISSY HYATT selling her tales of JASON HERVEY to a national gossip sheet . . . MONDAY NIGHT RAW will probably move to the 8 PM Monday night slot this fall as the USA CHANNEL continues coverage of Football on Monday Night . . . TED DIBIASE has signed a contract to tour Japan for 20 weeks starting in December; in other DiBiase news, he was pinned by THE 123 KID at recent house shows after RAZOR RAMON came out and distracted him . . . and DOINK keeps falling off of a unicycle at house shows . . .
NOTES FROM THE MAD DOG
Some minor changes around Mad Dog Central this week. I’ve moved submission deadlines back to 6 PM EST on Sunday nights after missing some last minute reports. I’m also looking for guest editorials; so if you want to rant about the latest news/hot star/”I can’t believe they did that”/etc. write it down in 1000 words or less and e-mail it to me here.
While the Ring Report is basically an electronic publication, I have had some requests for hard copies of the report each week. To obtain a hard copy (and bits of autographed dog biscuits), just send a self addressed stamped envelope to:
“MAD DOG” JAMES M. FINCH
6 South Water St.
Box #32
Franklintown, PA 17323
Have a great week!
MADDOGJMF
(closing by saying a big “hi” to LIN J of AOL, sending a bigger thumbs up to Mike S. of CSERVE, and yelling “hello” to young Ian W., armed, dangerous, and at camp for the summer . . . )
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