RING REPORT TV UPDATE Vol. 1, No. 2 March 14, 1993
(the wrestling report for people with lives)
WCW MAIN EVENT 3/7/93
A new format this week featuring host MICHAEL HAYES alone, interacting with fans or touring places. Next week rumor has it that he’ll go to the Atlanta Braves training camp. Hey, Hayes isn’t wrestling on a regular basis any more, how about a shot at Baseball? Makes as much sense as SID VICIOUS leaving the WWF to play Spring Softball last year!
WHAT YOU MISSED: Paul Orndorff destroyed nameless bum of the week while the crowd screamed “Paula” . .. They finally showed MAX PAIN injuring JOHNNY B. BADD with the “pain killer” submission hold . . . A replay of the announcement that STING won the SLAM JAM phone contest . . . In TV title action they played highlights of ROBBIE VEE defeating SHANGHAI PIERCE . . . STEVE REGAL defeated the BARBARIAN in the Main Event’s weekly WORLD TV Title tourney match . . . BEST MATCH on TBS last week: CACTUS JACK lost to BIG VAN VADER after DOMINATING the champ. . . It ended with Cactus going after HARLEY RACE and Vader attacking him from behind for the pin . . .
WWF MANIA 3/13/93
Is there a reason for the fact that 95% of every Saturday morning wrestling shows are made up of REPLAYS from other shows? Oh well, it isn’t for me to decide what those SMART GUYS in SUITS think that the AVERAGE WRESTLING FAN WANTS TO SEE (can you say REPLAY?) ON A SATURDAY MORNING? Sigh, it pains me just to write this . . .
WHAT YOU MISSED: A replay of THE MEGA-POWERS accepting MONEY INC.’s challenge . . . a segment on the HEADLOCK ON HUNGER campaign featuring JESSE JACKSON and RANDY SAVAGE . . . yet another replay of JIM DUGAN apologizing for letting the fans down after being squashed by YOKOZUNA . . . a replay of the MONDAY NIGHT RAW match that saw CURT HENNIG pin RICK MARTEL during a commercial break . . . things get weird when someone claiming to be a higher force in the universe (is it . . .), started talking to TODD PETTINGIL . . . GENE OCKERLAND announced that WMIX will be the WORLD’S LARGEST TOGA PARTY. Imagine that. No thanks, I just ate . . . FINALLY, a match that was taped ESPECIALLY for fans of WWF MANIA: CRUSH vs. DAMIEN DEMENTO. Enough said. Crush used his pineapple powered finisher to squeeze “brain juice” out of Demento’s ears . . .
WCW POWER HOUR 3/13/93
For a replay show featuring matches that are several weeks old, this is among the best. At least the host doesn’t hold up his business card s to the camera and then forget to blacken out the telephone number! Unfortunately, this show is killed by ERIC “STEROID VOICE” BISHOV, who is apparently using the same mouth wash as that cool guy from NIRVANA to get that really incredible “GRUNGE” sound . . . The show was saved by LARRY ZYBSZKO’s 3 stooges tie!
WHAT YOU MISSED: JOHNNY GUNN and TOM ZENK forgetting that they were in a NO DQ match against SHANGHAI PIERCE and TEX SLASHINGER; losing when TEX & SHANGHAI doubled teamed Gunn with a bull rope . . . MAX PAIN defeated BOB “Abuse me, I love it!” COOK . . . VINNIE VEGAS lost to VAN HAMMER in a left handed barroom rules arm wrestling contest. Vinnie, who has never been accused of being mentally stable, didn’t like losing and promptly smashed Hammer’s face into the table . . . DAVEY BOY SMITH defeated a prelim who’s name I can’t possible figure out how to spell . . . THE BARBARIAN destroyed T. A. MCCOY . . . BEST REPLAY MATCH OF THE WEEKEND: THE HEAVENLY BODIES & STEVE AUSTIN & BRIAN PILLMAN (with BOBBY EATON & JIM CORNETTE at ringside), wrestled THE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL EXPRESS & RICKY STEAMBOAT & SHANE DOUGLAS to a double DQ . . .
WWF SUPERSTARS 3/14/93
I always wondered what the WWF was going to do with it’s old ULTIMATE WARRIOR merchandise. This week we discovered that they are going to bring back the old masks that they sold to kids to simulate face paint as “do-it yourself BRUTIS face” kits! NASA helps the WWF? Hogan uses a steamroller to test BRUTIS BEEFCAKE’s “BIONIC” face? Could it be true? Probably not.
WHAT YOU MISSED: JIMMY HART, HULK HOGAN, and BRUTIS BEEFCAKE announced that their “big secret” is . . . an Ultimate Warrior face mask! Hogan kept hitting Beefcake in the face with a briefcase to prove the powers of NASA steel plating. Is it me, or does Beefcake look BETTER with the stupid mask? . . . PAPA SHANGO defeated MARK MING . . . JERRY LAWLER claimed that he would lead the procession at WMIX . . . THE NASTY BOYS wrestled a prelim match in which Randy Savage claimed that they gave up their #1 contender status (since when?), to let Hogan and Beefcake take on Money Inc. . . .YOKOZUNA destroyed a prelim, then RAYMOND ROUGEAU interviewed him, prompting him to squash the prelim again . . . (that was my reaction too) . . .TOTANKA wrestled a prelim then left the ring REALLY QUICKLY after GIANT GONZLAS and HARVEY WHIPPLEMAN came to the ring to call out THE UNDERTAKER . . . Another “Perfect” segment, this time featuring CURT HENNIG as a goalie . . . LEX LUGER defeated yet another nameless prelim, then made him look in the mirror and compare his body to Luger’s . . .
RUMORS FROM OTHER SOURCES
STING won the WCW WORLD TITLE from BIG VAN VADER last week on the WCW’s tour of EUROPE . . . THE STEINER BROTHERS defeated MONEY INC. for the WWF WORLD TAG TITLES; rumor, however, has it that they’ll be stripped of the belts because contracts were not signed before the match . . . STEVE AUSTIN and BRIAN PILLMAN defeated RICKY STEAMBOAT and SHANE DOUGLAS for the WCW/NWA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES . . . PAUL ORNDORFF won the WCW WORLD TV TITLE in the tournament final . . . DINO BRAVO was found dead in his home in Canada earlier this week from multiple gunshot wounds. Definitely not a good year for former WWF stars . . . THE BERSERKER is out of the WWF, apparently in retirement, yet again . . . JIM ROSS is the subject of several rumors that place him in the WWF this week, the Ross radio show will tell all tonight (and will make it’s first appearance here next week) . . . BIG VAN VADER has signed 4 year contract with WCW, giving him roughly $500,000 a year . . . JEFF JERRETT defeated BRIAN CHRISTOPHER for the USWA SOUTHERN TITLE . . . Christopher is feuding with his father: JERRY LAWLER! Brothers DOUG and EDDIE GILBERT are also feuding; proving that ANYTHING can happen in the USWA! . . . JAMIE DUNDEE won the new USWA MIDDLEWEIGHT belt in a tournament final over DANNY DAVIS . . . THE MOONDOGS defeated RON & DON HARRIS for the USWA TAG TITLES; the Harris Brothers are said to be heading to WCW to feud with THE COLE TWINS . . .
NOTES FROM THE MADDOG
I’d like to say thanks to everyone who responded to this note last week, they are much appreciated so keep them coming! MONDAY NIGHT RAW should have been covered this week, unfortunately my VCR recorded the wrong thing, it will return next week if we have cable by then. The Great Blizzard of ’93 knocked out cable at my house yesterday afternoon so I missed WCW SATURDAY NIGHT and will probably miss WCW MAIN EVENT; again, both will return ASAP.
Still looking for help in covering the world of wrestling. If anyone is interested in covering a show not featured, here’s your chance to be famous! Take notes on the show that you’re going to review, type them up in RING REPORT FORMAT (Name, date, brief description, results, and E-MAIL them to me before 4 PM EST each Sunday. For your effort you’ll have the honor of seeing your name in print, and I’ll probably send you a genuine autographed dog biscuit! [Include mailing address w/your report if you really want the dog biscuit!]
UNTIL NEXT WEEK,
MADDOGJMF
[Comments for CompuServe’s most unusual Wrestling Report? E-Mail the editor, you might just win that autographed dog biscuit with the bite taken out of it!]
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