The Ring Report TV Update 5/16/93 Vol. 1. No. 11
(the wrestling report for the undead TV Zombie!)
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“I think that Shawn Michaels is a better singer than Elvis!”
— Jerry “the King” Lawler,
finally realizing who has been signing his paycheck
WCW POWER HOUR 5/15/93
Okay wrestling fans the WCW announced two more matches for SLAMBOREE next week: SCOTT “FLASH” NORTON will take on STING and the team of PAUL ORNDORFF & RICK RUDE fill face DUSTIN RHODES & KENSUKI SUSAKI! They have also added BOB ARMSTRONG, BARRY OWEN, GRIZZLY SMITH, and OLE ANDERSON to the list of SLAMBOREE LEGENDS . . .
WHAT YOU MISSED: MAX PAYNE wrestled a prelim match . . . after the match they played a NEW Payne video . . . SCOTT NORTON mauled J.B. STRYKER . . . is it me, or is there a new guy calling himself “J.B. STRYKER” each week? . . . ARN ANDERSON defeated DAVE LYNCH. . . a replay of a recent RICK RUDE prelim. match . . .another wonderful showing of STING’s SLAM JAM PROMO . . .a SLAMBOREE control center . . . and a replay of TOO COLD SCORPIO & MARCUS ALEXANDER BAGWELL (these guys seriously need a nickname!) vs. THE HOLLYWOOD BLONDES . . .
WWF MANIA 5/15/93
THE SMOKING GUNS aren’t worth the wait. Believe me, after
today’s show I’m wondering WHY the WWF is even bothering with them!
Get this: they wrestled in jeans and had trouble with DAMION DEMENTO
and THE BROOKLYN BRAWLER! It’s really pathetic to think that they’re
getting more press than THE STEINER BROTHERS! Somebody somewhere
needs a dose of reality . . .
WHAT YOU MISSED: a replay of the “HACKSAW” JIM DUGAN vs.
SHAWN MICHAELS lumberjack match from MONDAY NIGHT RAW . . . THE
SMOKING GUNS premiered and had trouble defeating DAMION DEMENTO &
THE BROOKLYN BRAWLER . . . MR. HUGHES wrestled a prelim. match. . .
a replay of RAZOR RAMON vs. TITO SANTANNA from last week’s
SUPERSTARS. . .and YOKOZUNA squashed some poor guy named EVAN . . .
WCW SATURDAY NIGHT 5/15/93
It’s officially time to jump on the “DUMP ON THE FOUR HORSEMEN” bandwagon! This week THE HOLLYWOOD BLONDES called RIC FLAIR a “fossil” and insulted ARN ANDERSON on “A FLAIR FOR THE GOLD,” causing the former champ and his favorite cousin to take off their jackets and challenge the tag champions. I think Flair had better watch out because even MISSY HYATT jumped on the bandwagon by crashing the show and throwing a pillow at Arn before things started with the Blondes. Yes Missy (to answer a hypothetical question), you’d look MUCH BETTER than FIFI in that FRENCH MAID’S OUTFIT!
WHAT YOU MISSED: MAX PAYNE wrestled a prelim match . . . DAVEY BOY SMITH did an interview . . . a review of the DUSTIN RHODES vs. RICK RUDE situation from WCW WORLD WIDE WRESTLING . . . THE COLE TWINS defeated THE BLACKHARTS when one of the Harts threw one of the Coles over the top rope . . . “VAGUE” VAN HAMMER had another prelim. match crashed by COL. PARKER . . . this week he put his hands on Parker and Parker claimed that he’ll have the greatest wrestler of all time with him next week . . . THUNDERBOLT PATTERSON had a SLAMBOREE MOMENT. . .another SLAMBOREE CONTROL CENTER. . .and ARN ANDERSON defeated BOBBY EATON . . .
WCW WORLD WIDE WRESTLING 5/16/93
RICK RUDE is the new WCW U.S. CHAMPION? Controversy surrounding THE COMPUTERIZED CONTENDER’S CHALLENGE this week as RUDE was awarded the belt following some dubious tactics. Towards the end of the match Rude threw Rhodes into referee NICK PATRICK; Patrick was stunned and fell out of the ring. A second referee came down and the match continued with Rhodes slamming Rude and then going for a belly to back suplex. This is where things get weird, so I’m keeping it simple: The suplex put Rhodes’ shoulders on the mat along with Rude’s. The second ref. counted a three count on Rhodes when Rude lifted his shoulder at the last second. But Nick Patrick had crawled back into the ring and noticed that Rhodes had his shoulder up at the three count! Rude left with the belt, I guess that’s all that matters . . . .
WHAT YOU MISSED: JIM NIEDHART defeated MUSTAFA SAIED using the cobra clutch . . . a Niedhart interview . . . ANOTHER replay of BIG VAN VADER slamming CACTUS JACK on the concrete . . . JESSE VENTURA claimed that Jack was out of the coma but still hadn’t said a word . . . RON SIMMONS crushed FRED AVERY . . . another SLAMBOREE CONTROL CENTER . . . SCOTT NORTON nuked JOHNNY GUNN . . . an interview with Norton . . . and RICK RUDE apparently defeated DUSTIN RHODES for the WCW U.S. title . . .
WWF SUPERSTARS OF WRESTLING 5/16/93
TATONKA is the luckiest guy in the WWF! Wasn’t it just two weeks (or so) ago when BAM BAM BIGELOW left him unconscious in the dressing room? This week he lucked out by having GIANT GONZLAS go crazy and choke him past a five count for a DQ win and the easiest entry in the KING OF THE RING!
WHAT YOU MISSED: THE STEINER BROTHERS rolled over MARK MING & JIM ARMSTRONG . . . MR. HUGHES pinned BOBBY YOUNG . . . another SMOKING GUNS promo. . .BOB BACKLAND pinned TERRY ZELLERS . . .BONNIE BLACKSTONE interviewed LEX LUGER. . .VIRGIL defeated JOSE MARTINEZ. . . SHAWN MICHAELS pinned BILLY JONES . . . a KOTR report . . . and TATONKA lucked out when GIANT GONZLAS went crazy and was DQ’d for choking . . .
WWF ALL AMERICAN WRESTLING 5/16/93
Can’t they get it right? CURT HENNIG and DOINK THE CLOWN wrestled to another time limit draw this week in their KOTR qualifying match. I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to think that they’re saving Hennig for a shot at SHAWN MICHAELS at the KOTR . . .
WHAT YOU MISSED: this week it was “live” from PORTLAND, MAINE . . . a replay of TATONKA’s win over GIANT GONZLAS . . . a replay of MR. HUGHES squashing THE CANNONBALL KID from MONDAY NIGHT RAW . . .CRUSH defeated BLAKE BEVERLY. . .a replay of BAM BAM BIGELOW defeating TYPHOON from MONDAY NIGHT RAW. . .another promo for BILLY & BART . . . and DOINK vs. CURT HENNIG went to a time limit draw . . .
RUMORS FROM OTHER SOURCES
A correction from last week: SHERRI MARTEL did not win the USWA Women’s belt when she defeated MZ. TEXAS last week; the decision was reversed minutes after the match . . . there’s all sorts of rumors on other boards that the winner of the KOTR will receive a title shot with that HH GUY . . . BRIAN CHRISTOPHER pinned JEFF JERRETT for the USWA SOUTHERN TITLE . . . Worst new name? THE MOUNTIE is now CANADIAN LAW & ORDER, FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE MOUNTIE, after the WWF threatened to sue over his use of the name on the independent scene . . . THE HARLEM KNIGHTS had a tryout with the WWF . . . it’s rumored that THE NASTY BOYS & THE STEINER BROTHERS with “CAPTAIN” LOU ALBANO will face MONEY INC. & THE HEAD SHRINKERS with AFA at KOTR . . . another source has MONEY INC. ready to leave the WWF after SUMMERSLAM . . . THE TASMANIAC had a WWF tryout last week . . . Consistent result: BRET HART defeats LEX LUGER by DQ at house shows when RAZOR RAMON interferes; after the match Luger goes to use his forearm on Hart and misses, leaving Razor unconscious in the ring . . . BRUTIS BEEFCAKE is expected to be in that HH GUY’s corner at KOTR. . .LEGENDS MATCHES AT SLAMBOREE? DORY FUNK JR. vs. NICK BOCKWINKLE and the team of DUSTY RHODES & WAHOO MCDANIELS vs. OLE ANDERSON & BLACKJACK MULLIGAN are rumored for the singles and tag team matches . . . they say that TULLY BLANCHARD will not be back in time for SLAMBOREE because of a contract dispute over money. . .SMOKY MOUNTAIN COMMISSIONER BOB ARMSTRONG felt the wrath of JIM CORANETTE and KEVIN SULLIVAN after THE RAGE IN THE CAGE; Sullivan gave Armstrong a cracked sternum and inflicted abdominal damage after hitting him 36 times with Coranette’s tennis racket. . .MARTY JANETTE is said to be on his way back to the WWF by SUMMERSLAM . . .
NOTES FROM THE MAD DOG
I’m playing around with the format here as Ian has been out sick. If the e-mail is favorable, both will return next week . It’s Summer time for me so the Mad Dog is taking it easy for a while, letting things cool down before he throws himself back into the grind of chasing cars full time . . .
HAVE A GREAT WEEK!
MADDOGJMF
[The Ring Report TV Update was published from 1993 to 1999 on CompuServe, Prodigy, Rec.Sport.Pro.Wrestling and the Grandstand Wrestling Forum on AOL. Presented “as is” in original format.]
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