[The Ring Report 2 was a spin-off of the Ring Report TV Update and could be found on CompuServe, Prodigy, Rec.Sport.Pro.Wrestling and the Grandstand Wrestling Forum on AOL. Presented “as is” in original format.]
Ring Report II Vol. I
Ed. V
Hello again folks, I’m back from a long summer vacation. Truthfully, I could not believe all the happenings in the world of wrestling. It did not take me long to get caught up, though. In this issue, we have several interesting articles, including a comparison between George Orwell’s novel “1984” and the WWF. In addition we have the rules to a simple wrestling board game that you can play at home, along with the same gossip and trivia as always. So with no further adieu, let’s get to it!
Wrestling Game Rules
By: O NEILL21 on AOL
HOW TO PLAY:
1) Decide what kind of match you want to have ( singles, tag, 6 man tag, survivor series, handicap, steel cage, brawl. )
2) Choose your wrestler(s)
3) Choose the number of hit points you want the wrestlers to have (30 or 40 is good.)
4) If a 1,3, or a 5 is rolled, the wrestler with the higher power rating wins the lock up and begins the attack. 2,4, or 6 and the other wrestler attacks.
5) You roll the dice and whatever # comes up, you do the move that corresponds to the moves on the card. For example, if you are the Hit Man and you roll a 1, you would do a punch. The # in parenthesis is number of hit points taken away. 6) If a 4 is rolled, the other wrestler attacks.
7) To execute your finishing move, you have to roll a 2 or above.
8) If you want to pin your opponent, you must roll a 6 if he has above 30 hit points, a 5 or a 6 if he has 20, and if he has 10, a 4 or above. If you have done the finishing move, you must roll above a 2.
9) To throw your opponent out of the ring, roll a 1,3, or a 5. if not, your opponent attacks.
10) to tie your opponent up in the ropes, you must roll a 5 or a 6. You must say you are trying to tie your opponent up or throw him out before making these attempts. if you don’t roll a 5 or a 6, then your opponent attacks. When your opponent is tied, #’s 1-3 are a punch that takes away 2 hp’s, 4 is no move, 5-6 are a kick that takes away 3. You get two attacks when your opponent is tied up.
11) If you want to do an illegal move, say what move you want to do. If you roll a 1,3, or a 5,you get away with it. If not, you get a warning from the ref. If you are caught again, you are disqualified. If you are caught, your opponent attacks.
12) if you want to try a strength, agility, or off-the-ropes move, the same rules apply as to the trying to tie your opponent up.
13) there are moves you can do out of the ring. The same 1,3,5 roll is required. You can also have other wrestlers come down and help you. Choose a wrestler to help you. Roll a 1,3,5 to throw him out of the ring. Then, if he is thrown out, roll the dice to see what move your helper will do. These moves are from the card. after the attack, he is put back in the ring(your opponent is). moves done out of the ring have 2 points added. If you do not pull off a move because you rolled a 4 or some other reason, your opponent can choose to get back in the ring and attack or to stay outside.
14)In a tag match, you must roll above a 2 to tag in your partner. The damage levels stay the same.
15) In a cage match, roll above a 3 to climb five feet up, so if you roll above a 3 three times in a row, you are on top of the cage. To jump down and win, roll a 2 or above, or you can go for an elbow or big splash off the top of the cage. If landed, it takes away 15 hp’s.
To get your opponent down, you can climb the cage by rolling a 3 or above and catching up to him, or you can shake the cage by rolling a 5 or a 6. When you roll to climb up, if you can’t climb up you stay at the level you were on. Say you were at 10 feet, and you rolled a 2, you would stay at 10 feet. You get 1 roll to see if you climb up, then your opponent rolls. You alternate until you are off the cage or someone has won.
STRENGTH MOVES (STRENGTH RATING 6 OR HIGHER)
Gorilla press (8) AGILITY MOVES(RATING 6 OR HIGHER)
piledriver (6) dropkick (6)
choke slam (8) splash off top rope(7)
bulldog (6) elbow off top rope(7)
power slam (6) dropkick off top rope(8)
suplex (6) flying punch(7)
ILLEGAL MOVES SCIENTIFIC MOVES OUT OF RING MOVES
thumb in eye(6) toehold(6) drop onto guardrail (8)
choke(7) armlock(6) smash into stairs(6)
bite(5) abdominal stretch(6) hit with chair(6)
manager interferes(6) chicken wing(7) hit with bell(6)
foreign object(7) smash into ringpost (5)
hairpull (6)
OFF THE ROPES MOVES (YOU MUST SAY THAT YOU ARE SENDING OPPONENT OFF ROPES OR YOU ARE COMING OFF ROPES AND ARE GOING TO USE ON YOUR OPPONENT.)
spinning kick (agil.6+) (7)
elbow(6)
side suplex(6)
drop kick (6)
WRESTLERS
Bret Hart
Str. 6 Agil. 6
Finishing move-Sharpshooter
1-elbow(3)
2-drop kick(6)
3-kick(3)
4-no move
5-armlock(6)
6-atomicdrop (5)
Yokozuna
str.6 agil. 0
finishing move:Banzai drop.
1-kick(3)
2-big splash(5)
3-elbow(3)
4-no move
5-belly/belly suplex(7)
6-body slam(2)
Undertaker
str.7 agil.6
finishing move:Tombstone
1-kick(3)
2-powerslam(6)
3-suplex(6)
4-no move
5-choke slam(8)
6-dropkick(6)
Razor Ramon
str.7 agil.3
finishing move:the Razor’s Edge
1-punch(2)
2-clothesline(6)
3-bodyslam(4)
4-no move
5-back breaker(6)
6-elbow(3)
These four wrestlers should be enough to get you started. I have about 35 wrestlers all done out like this, so if there is a particular wrestler you want, let me know. I recommend that you try doing special moves because it keeps things pretty even. If you want, you can print this up and give your friends a copy. I want as many opinions as I can get. If you think of any changes or ideas, please e-mail me them, along with your reaction to my game. Please be honest. If you think it’s bad, that’s fine with me, as long as it is your honest opinion. Feel free to make your own wrestler cards. Try doing a lot of matches, don’t do one or two and decide the game sucks. I think it’s kind of fun. Well, anyways,
thank you for your time and your interest in my game.
1984 and the WWF
By: Stevetee2 on AOL
BIG BROTHER VINCE: an intellectual wrestling article
by “Stunning” Steve Tiszenkel
One of the truly brilliant books of all time is George Orwell’s 1948 masterpiece, 1984. In case you didn’t know, the novel prophesies a dim future where “The State” controls the minds of its helpless inhabitants, and those whose minds cannot be controlled are inevitably crushed. When it came out, Orwell was hailed as a prophet and a genius. Thankfully, society never became like the ultra-fascist 1984. Something else, however, did: the WWF.
The similarities between the book and the WWF are astonishing. It takes place in Oceania, which is made up of North and South America, Australia, and England. Oceania is only one of three Superstates that constantly war with one another for control of Southern Africa, the other two being Eurasia and Eastasia. The WWF, of course, becomes Oceania, an empire that has the ability to control the thoughts of its citizens, the so-called “eggplants” of the wrestling world. (For those who don’t know yet, eggplant is the new politically correct word for, um… mark.) The WWF is constantly at war with WCW, which becomes either Eurasia or Eastasia. Oceania is always warring with one, and only one, of the Superstates. To the Oceanians, the Superstate they aren’t at war with is just left alone, too low for them even to imply the existence of. The third Superstate can be any other wrestling federation you want. SMW? USWA? Pick any one.
Oceania has a leader, of course. That leader is a ubiquitous figure named Big Brother; you’ve probably heard the term even if you’ve never read the book. He is feared and loved by the double thinking populace. Little do they suspect, of course, that Big Brother is just a made up figure who doesn’t exist: he never appears in public or makes speeches, or shows any real power, but people (eggplants) have been trained to believe anything the State says, so they believe it. Jack Tunney never exercises any power, either. He appears only occasionally, but his name is pushed around whenever trouble occurs, as if to say “Jack Tunney is Watching You.”
No one knows who the real leader is. The closest the book comes to a real leader is a man named O’Brien, a member of the exclusive Inner Party (the people who run the WWF) and torturer extraordinaire. I don’t think there is any question that O’Brien IS Vince McMahon. You’re not really supposed to suspect that he runs things, but he does; and as we all know, he LOVES to torture those who cease to love him.
Probably the best 1984-WWF analogy is that of “unpersons”. Even if someone disloyal to the State was a huge, famous figure, when he is discovered he is quietly tortured and put to death. Then he becomes an unperson: as if he never existed at all. No one mentions him, and no one will. Ring a bell? When was the last time you heard about Mr. Perfect, or Ric Flair, or (heaven forbid) THAT HH GUY? Soon, the eggplants start to forget their existence. Wherever they are (often in Eurasia or Eastasia), they are unpersons in Oceania.
Oceania runs a very tight ship, as the WWF does, spewing hopeless propaganda from video screens in every apartment 24 hours a day. This is where you, the normal fans (formerly called “smarts”) come in. The protagonist in 1984 was named Winston, and he was a normal. He fought to educate himself and the eggplant fans, just like you should. YOU, the people reading this out in computerdom, are the good guys! Eventually, without a doubt, you will be crushed by Vince O’Brien and the Inner Party. Winston was forced to fight until discovery, until his death. For the sake of wrestling normalcy, do it; do it for the sake of humanity!
One day, you’ll be sitting in a lonely cafe, a broken old man. Men will come, and they will put a hypothetical bullet in the back of your neck. Your wrestling soul will be dead, burned out from the sin of normalcy. But you owe it to society. I beseech you: join the Underground, and fight for normalcy today!
AFTERWORD: Thanks to MadDogJMF for inventing the terms “normal” and “eggplant”. Thanks especially to the great George Orwell, and Vince McMahon. If you have any comments or comparisons between 1984 and the WWF I forgot to mention, you know where to find me:
SteveTee2@aol.com. Thanks for enlightening yourself!
Rumor Mill
This week’s rumor mill is more than just a rumor, it is an actual happening that will take place at next week’s Summerslam. It is involving the Tatanka v. Luger match. As I’m sure everyone can figure out, Money Inc. II will defeat the Headshrinkers and capture the Tag straps. This will set up one of the best feuds in a long time. When DiBiase comes to ringside during the Tatanka v. Luger match, Lex will knock out Ted and Tatanka and Lex will embrace each other in the middle of the ring. This is where it will get good. I have heard two things. First, which I do not believe to be true, Tatanka will small package Luger and join up with DiBiase. The other is that Lex and Tatanka issue a challenge to Money Inc. II to put the Tag titles on the line and face the American Connection. This will force Ted to bring out his newest henchman Rick Rude to try to do away with the patriotic Superstars. Expect the Stiners to return as the partners of Luger and Tatanka at Survivor Series versus IRS, BAM BAM, Rude, and Volkov. It sounds sketchy, but if you watch you will see.
This Week in Trivia
1) What was last years Summerslam’s Main Event?
2) Where was the first Summerslam held?
3) What was the date of the first Ring Report II?
4) What is my real name?
5) What is Maddog’s real name?
6) Who made up the MEGA-Bucks tag team?
7) Who did Money INC. defeat for it’s first title?
8) What happened to the Million Dollar Belt?
HAVE A GREAT WEEK,
STEVESCOTT AND COMPANY.